Falling For You
by AWickedIceQueen
Summary: "Anna, I'm in love with you," Elsa says suddenly. I can't help the small giggle that escapes me. "I know Elsa, you've been telling me that a lot lately, and I - ," "No Anna...I've never meant it more than I do now. I am in love with you..." College AU. No incest. hockey! and g!p Elsa. boxer!Anna. Multiple crossovers.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just a reminder****, this is a g!p Elsa...so if that grosses or freaks you out then this isn't the fic for you.**

**By the way, when it says "NEW" in italics, it signals a change in character POV.**

**Happy reading!**

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Falling For You

Chapter 1

"I'm so not ready for this." I jog to catch up to my best friend, Kristoff, who apparently thought it would be funny to just walk away after I dropped my books the second I got out of my car. Why do psychology classes have so many books? Ugh, it's so draining of my energy every single day. In fact, every time I look at the books I feel tired. College man...it's a killer.

"Oh come on Elsa. It'll be fine. You of all people have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, nothing except the football team. They'll probably kick my ass today just to make a point," I say, rolling my eyes.

Okay, so basically, I'm not the most popular person at my college, and I'm not at the bottom of the totem pole either. I'm like…in the upper-middle range of status, if that makes any sense. It's kind of imperative for you to know. This way, you won't be confused when half the university treats me like less than dirt, but the other half loves me and wants to get in my pants…literally, because they do.

So you must be wondering: Why? I can't be that attractive right? Well, to many people I am..And I hate to sound egotistical there but...I've been called 'hot' and 'gorgeous' by _a lot _of people at my school. But there's also something else going on, and I'll let you in on something that's a not-so secret of mine anymore. You see, sometimes in this world, people can be born with parts that don't necessarily go with their gender. That happened to me. So yeah, I won't sugarcoat it or anything for you. I'll just say it…I have a dick. I know, I know, you probably think that's weird and gross and don't want to talk to me anymore. I get it if you don't…that's how half of my school acts towards me.

I actually didn't run into any trouble with it until high school. I mean sure, there were those few bullies in middle and elementary school that would give me a hard time about it, but nothing major happened until high school. Those kids were...wow, words can't even describe how terrible they were. It was like nothing I said or did could ever convince them that I was a human being. It's horrible. Do you know what it feels like when people do that to you: Deny that you're even a human? If you have experienced something like that before, my heart goes out to you. It's an experience I almost didn't live through. Seriously, I almost didn't make it through high school...I'd rather not talk about that now.

The bullying hasn't been that bad in college actually. It's mostly the football team and the people that hang out with the football team though. I don't get it. For some reason, they all think they're the greatest people on the planet and that no one is better than them. They're cocky sons of bitches and I hate them. Not only do they treat me like shit every second of the day, but they also bitch on other people they feel aren't "up to their level." It's stupid really. I hate them… Wait, I already said that. Oh, whatever.

I mean yeah, Arendelle University has a great football team and all, but you're missing out on the school's real pride and glory: The hockey team! Our girls' team has won the national championship two seasons in a row now. And our boys' team is really great too. My brother, Jack, plays…and he's a really great left winger too. He's a year below me, and he was on the second line as a freshman. A freshman! That's like, any person's dream! To be that good and so early in his career too…he has good things ahead of him. Ladies…hit him up.

Our boys' team won the national championship three seasons ago. Ever since, they've lost in the semifinals or quarterfinals. They're still a force to be reckoned with though. We've sent quite a few players to the professional leagues.

And another thing: I'm basically the star of the hockey team. I know, I hate whenever I sound cocky, but it's true. I'm the starting goalie, and I have been since I came here freshman year. This season, junior year, man is it going to be fun! We have a great team since only three players graduated last year. I honestly think we can win the national championship for the third year in a row. That'd be amazing!

So yeah...hockey is kind of my life. It runs in the family, what can I say? My brother, as I've already told you, plays too, and our dad played as well. Our dad was awesome at it. He played in the pro league for three years, but he retired at a young age once my mom had me. He wanted to help her raise us as a complete family...priorities, that man knew what they were.

"Elsa Frost."

I internally, and probably externally too, groan at the sound of his voice. Hans Westerguard. The biggest douchebag you will ever meet. He's the quarterback of the football team. Yeah, he's a pretty good athlete, and I guess he's handsome too. But all of that is taken away by his shitty personality. He looks at girls like they're pieces of meat. He doesn't respect anyone or anything, and he thinks he's the center of the universe. I hate him, and he hates me. He's beaten me up a grand total of nine times throughout our two years together. So I have a reason to hate him. But why he hates me? I have no clue. I haven't done anything to him…honestly it's probably just because I have a bigger dick than him…

I mean, he's fucked like, half the girls in our year, and a lot of them say he 'wasn't as big as they thought' or 'he was too rough' or 'he's not such a man after all.' I laugh at all of it. And then some of them come to me asking me to fuck them because they're 'sure I have a huge dick.' Like…um, fuck no! Thirsty hoes I swear man…they're gonna kill me. I am in no way losing my virginity to someone like that.

"Hans, go fuck yourself," Kristoff says.

"I wasn't talking to you," Hans says sharply. "Elsa, I'm surprised you haven't jumped on one of the freshman like a dog on raw meat."

"Yeah, well unlike you Hans, I have respect for other girls."

"Either that or you're too ashamed of your small ass dick." He laughs, and so do the other football players behind him. Ugh, they're so dumb…all of them. I swear, not one of them has above a 2.5 GPA.

"Ha. Ha. Your insults are really getting to me Hans," I say, feigning mock hurt and draping an arm over my face. "You know, I've put up with two whole years of your shit…and I really don't care anymore."

"Well…you're never gonna get laid, because girls don't fuck mistakes like you," he snarls. Yet…that's the only insult that gets to me somehow.

"Fuck off Hans," I say quietly before walking away.

"Man…can someone get any douchier?"

"Douchier? Kristoff…that's not even a word."

"Well, it is now!" he exclaims. "Hey, Hans is an asshole. Everyone knows it. I honestly don't know why people hang around him…let alone want to fuck him."

"Ew…that's gross. And probably because he's popular and well…people want to be popluar. Basic bitches. And please…don't ever put the image in my head of fucking Hans ever again." I shudder dramatically and Kristoff laughs. So let's get this straight too...I'm not. Jeez, I'm the whole package here: Hockey player, lesbian, nerd, and I have a dick. That's gotta earn me extra points in some category right?

I must say, if it weren't for the football team, I'd be in heaven at ArendelleU. It's an awesome place. It has mountains surrounding the campus, lakes and rivers, biking trails, outstanding academics, amazing sports…and well, I enjoy all of this with some perks.

The few close friends I have are amazing. Kristoff is my best friend. We've known each other since fourth grade. We always stick up for each other and support each other no matter what. He's a handsome guy. Tall, dirty blonde hair, strong and muscled…then again he does crew so…kind of explains that. I'm surprised he doesn't have a girlfriend by now. I've made it my mission to set him up with someone by the end of this year. He's sweet too, although I must say, sometimes he objectivises girls too much. Typical college dude looking for a quickie with some hot chick.

As for myself…I do have a girlfriend.

The second I walk into the lecture hall for my first class, I'm greeted with a tight hug and a soft kiss on my lips. God…I could kiss her all day…

"I missed you Elsa."

"I missed you too Belle," I say back. I smile down at her and she gives me another quick kiss before we take a seat next to each other.

Yeah…Belle Durieux, French much?... Anyway, we've been together for a good four months now. It's pretty serious if I say so myself. And yes, before you ask, I love her. She's an amazing person. She's kind, smart, funny, and drop dead gorgeous. She's athletic too. She plays soccer.

We met at the state championship game…you know, the game you have to win to go on to the regional championship. And then if you win the regional game you go to nationals. Anyway…like half our school went because well, we have some major school spirit here. Turns out she was a good friend of Kristoff's and after they won the game he went over to congratulate her and I was there and I saw her and I was like 'Oh my God she's perfect' and then…yeah, I was rambling sorry. I can do that when I talk about Belle. She's just…God she's amazing.

Once we started dating, I only had eyes for her. It was like no other girl could even compare to her, because they can't. Usually, girls don't want to date me simply due to the fact that I have a dick. They think that all I'll want is sex, which is so untrue…and unfair to me. I know, I have guy parts but that doesn't mean I act like a guy. I don't walk around thinking about fucking a hot girl all the time. Although I must say, now that I'm with Belle, I have thought about it more often.

We have talked about it too…the whole sex thing. And I know four months seems like a while to be with someone these days but we felt we should still wait a little longer. We both agreed that we don't want to jump into something we might end up regretting. That's the last thing I'd want for Belle…for her to regret something, and all because of me. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror again if that happened.

But I feel like, if we're still together after another month or two, we'd go for something like that. It's kind of weird thinking that I can actually get her pregnant but…consequences of having a dick, I know. And trust me, I wanted Belle in my bed the second I saw her, but I have more respect for her than that and I _do_ love the girl. And while I'd totally love for her to ride me until the morning because let's be honest here…that'd be so fucking hot, our first time will be special.

I know, you probably think it's crazy that I'm nineteen, almost twenty, and I still haven't had sex. But hey, I respect myself and I respect other girls. I'm one for the old fashioned type of romance. You know, nice dinners, going to movies, going on picnics, cuddling by the fireplace…Belle and I even went on a date to our state fair and...we go to hockey games a lot. Those dates are always the best! And, I'm that person who likes to meet the parents of the girl I'm dating by around, the third or fourth date. I mean, I haven't had any relationships before Belle because well...you probably know the answer to that. But still, I've met her dad and have actually spent some time with him. He's a great man. Yeah, for any future dates I have...I always want to meet their parents. You know, just to make sure I won't be stuck with some crazy psychopath ax murderers one day. So yeah, that's the kind of person I am…sorry.

_NEW_

"I can't believe it!" I exclaim, throwing my arms around my cousin Rapunzel. "First day of college! What is this life?! This is so exciting!"

"Okay Anna, calm down. Yeah it'll be fun, but it doesn't call for that kind of a reaction."

"You're a stinker. You could at least humor me and act excited too." I fake an angry huff and storm off to my dorm room. Lucky us, since we're freshman we have an orientation today. All the other students actually had classes today…yuck.

I enter my room and collapse onto my bed, silently thanking my mom for driving me here last weekend to set up my room when campus opened. Poor Rapunzel, she still has a ton of boxes lying around the room. The only thing she bothered to set up was her bed.

"Hey…we're roommates okay…I'll have plenty of time to return your excitement some other day," she says.

"I'll be waiting for that to happen." I pull my strawberry blonde hair back into a loose ponytail and look out our room window. Man, this school is gorgeous. I can't believe I actually got in here though. The standards are high here…the pressure is on! And wow, I'm just so excited!

I was actually pretty surprised they had a boxing team here. I mean, they aren't in the top five, but they're still pretty good. Some boxers have gone to the state championships and so on from here. Yeah, boxing is my life! I kind of gave my parents heart attacks when I told them. Basically, it was either this or ice hockey, and I chose this. I was pretty decent at hockey, but boxing eventually became much more important to me. I just love everything about the sport. It's so competitive and exhilarating. And, it does keep me pretty toned if I say so myself.

"Hey, dorko, are you gonna stare out the window all day or are you coming to orientation?" Rapunzel asks. Soon, a magazine smacks me across the face.

"Ow! Okay, okay, I'm coming!"

Rapunzel basically drags me across the campus to where the orientation is. Apparently, it's in the biggest lecture hall on ArendelleU's campus. Greene Hall…pretty awesome architecture. Even though I don't know shit about architecture…it's a really cool looking building to say the least.

It's actually fairly busy right now. Freshman coming in for orientation, juniors and seniors going out from their class. I turn the corner to enter the lecture hall, and lucky me, I slam right into someone. It would be me, the awkward freshman, to screw up in front of a bunch of juniors and seniors. _Fuck. My. Life. _

"Oh my God…I'm so sorry I didn't mean to - ," I stop talking once my eyes fall on the platinum blonde goddess standing in front of me. My eyes scan over her body. Her hair is in a loose, somewhat messy yet no less adorable looking braid. She's wearing loose jeans with a pair of tan Sperry's on her feet. _God, even her shoes look flawless on her. _And her blue flannel with a plaid design of white lines with a white v-neck shirt beneath practically kills me. Yup, I'm dead. I can't even. This girl…is perfect.

"It's okay…I wasn't looking," she says back. She pushes her glasses with a thick black rim around them up a little bit, and my knees nearly give out when I meet her gorgeous, perfect, beautiful sky blue eyes. _I could stare at her forever. _Wait…that sounded creepy.

_Ohmygodohmygod she's talking to me. What do I do? How do I person? Is this real life?_

"Uh…yeah, um sorry…wait, I already said that. This is awkward…I mean, not saying you're awkward. I meant…I'm awkward because well…you're gorgeous, aha…wait, what?" _Shit, you just shouldn't talk. _

She laughs a little. God…her laugh is so cute. It's like…soft and gentle. I could listen to her laughing all day.

"Thank you," she says, still laughing slightly. She gives me a small smile. "Well…I better get going. Have fun…orientation is always great." I can hear the sarcasm in her voice, and I let out a strained laugh. _God, she's so funny. And shit…I really have it bad already._

"Elsa! Let's go!" I look over my shoulder to see another beautiful girl, a brunette with wavy hair tied back into a ponytail, smiling at the blonde and waiting at the doorway.

"Well…the girlfriend calls. I best get on my way then. I'll see you around I suppose?" She smiles again and gives me a little wave that literally made my heart melt before she heads off in the direction of the brunette girl.

I can't even talk right now. Oh my God…how can I go to a freshman orientation now and be expected to _interact _with other people after that goddess just happened? Elsa…that was her name. God, even her name is flawless. I wonder what it would sound like coming from my –

_Okay…slow down Anna! _Yeah, I just met the girl…but wow. She's flawless. But damn it…of course she has a fucking girlfriend…

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**A/N: Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Well...hope you guys like it. I'll try to update as often as I can! This story will get interesting, and I've created some back stories for the characters as well that I think you'll find interesting.**

**And credzzzz to asksillysisters for drawing the cover art. Still working on trying to get the full thing there aha...but it's cool!**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Ughhhh…what is this life?" I groan and flop back onto my bed.

I actually couldn't stop thinking about Elsa from the moment I met her. She's just so flawless! I mean seriously, you don't run into the most perfect girl on the planet on a daily basis…but maybe I can… Hah, no, that's just getting my hopes too high. She's completely out of my league. I don't stand a chance with her. _Keep dreaming Anna. _I mean, by thinking about her _constantly _and wishing she was my girlfriend will only make my disappointment even bigger right?

But…gahhhh…she's just so perfect! I mean, her outfit…I'm totally digging the flannel with the rolled up sleeves…her arms looked really toned. Ugh, imagine what her abs must look like? I swear, she's got to have a six pack. And her hair! Her fucking hair! It's so gorgeous…I bet it looks stunning when it's down. And her face…her perfect fucking face with those killer blue eyes and perfect full lips. And her glasses…she looks like the biggest dork ever with those black framed glasses. Yet, she stills seems insanely athletic and extremely badass.

Oh my God I really have it bad. Wow. I need to slow down here.

"Okay…I'm serious now, what has gotten you so hyped up for the last three days. And don't lie and say it's because you're just excited for the year," Rapunzel says. As soon as I open my mouth to speak, she cuts me off. "And…you can't say for boxing. It doesn't start for another week and a half."

"Can you read my mind or something? Jeez…"

"Okay, now tell me what it is."

"Fine, fine, fine! At orientation…I may or may not have met a really, really hot girl."

"Anna!" my cousin exclaims. "Oh my God! Finally…you're gonna get some this year! What'd she look like? What was her name?..."

Yeah…Rapunzel can do that. The second I told her that I play for both teams she immediately set out to find me a girlfriend. I didn't want one then, but now…I'd do anything to have Elsa on my arm. Agh…what am I saying? She's a junior and I'm just some measly little freshman!

"Okay, okay, calm down," I say, stopping Rapunzel from going any further with her bombardment of questions.

"Calm down?! Anna, you met a girl today! And according to you she's really hot!"

"Yeah, she is. She has this perfect platinum blonde hair…unf, I would run my hand through it all day if I could. And her eyes…the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen. They're almost icy, but welcoming at the same time. And - ,"

"Wait…is this Elsa Frost you're talking about?" she asks.

"Um, yeah…why?"

"Oh no. You can't have a crush on Elsa Frost," she says.

"Why?" I squeak out. "And wait, how do you know about Elsa?"

"Um, if you haven't forgotten dorko, my boyfriend is a sophomore this year. Eugene is good friends with Elsa's brother, Jack, so he finds out all the juicy gossip details."

"Oh."

"Yeah anyway…Elsa is a junior… You're a freshman, and she doesn't even know your name. Elsa is the star player on the ice hockey team, and you're just a small town boxer who is yet to make a name for herself - ,"

"Hey!" I give her arm a small punch to show my unhappiness with her statement.

"Ow! Hey, watch it…even your soft punches hurt! Anyway… It's true. Look, you still have to get known around this school. Elsa Frost…she was on the Olympic team last year! She wasn't able to play because she got injured during a practice. But still…she was there, and she was on the roster! She was one of the most sought out goalies when she was in high school!"

"Wow…that's amazing! Who would've thought…I have a crush on an Olympian!" I squeal again and nearly fall off my bed because I'm bouncing up and down so much. Okay…I really need to stop with the squealing.

"Yeah, wonderful," Rapunzel says with an overly dramatic eye roll. "Anyway, so that's another reason why you can't have a crush on her. And lastly…she has a girlfriend!"

My face immediately falls. "Yeah, I know."

"Mhmm…and she's another one of the best athletes at this school! Assistant captain of the soccer team from what I've heard from Eugene. Not only is she gorgeous and smart, but she's also one of the most wanted girls at this school. I hear guys actually fight over her…but Elsa is the lucky person she chose to be with. Oh, and apparently Elsa has a dick."

"Wait, what?!" Well...that was an unexpected revelation.

"Oh yeah…I probably should have told you that first. Yeah, she was born with a dick. Eugene told me that, which means Jack must have told him."

"Wow…okay…that's different," I say taking a deep breath. Yet, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. "…And so fucking hot!"

Rapunzel stops laughing and looks at me like I'm a complete idiot. "Are you kidding me right now? Anna, the girl has a cock! That's disgusting!"

"Are _you _kidding _me_ right now? Rapunzel…Elsa is the hottest girl at this school. Do you know what I'd give to have one night with her? One night!"

"Oh my God. Okay, you're weirding me out right now. I understand you can be attracted to girls, but I don't see how you find _that _attractive at all," she says pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Fine…think what you want, but that is so hot!"

"Yeah, well you won't be getting any of it with her girlfriend in the way! She's probably fucking Belle every single night!"

"Okay, I get it," I say quietly. "It's just...I know it may seem crazy since I just met her but...I really like her."

"Honestly Anna, if you like this girl so much, you should just be her friend right now. If you happen to bump into her another day, introduce yourself…and don't act like an idiot. Please. We're talking about Elsa motherfucking Frost here. Half the school hates her and half the school wants to ride her dick."

"How could someone hate her? Trust me, I barely talked to her…but she seemed really sweet," I say.

"I take it the football team…and other typical jocks for that matter…hate it when someone is better than them? Probably, yeah?" I nod, and she returns the action. "So they find anything to bring her down. Not to mention she's apparently wicked smart too. So there's another reason for jocks to hate her."

"Wow…Punzie, didn't know you had that kind of logic in ya!" That earned me a punch on the arm. "But that makes sense…"

"Yeah well, don't screw up in front of her. She seems like she's either the girl who welcomes new friends or doesn't want anything to do with them. So for your sake, don't act like a creeper please."

"Thanks Punzie…real great advice," I reply rolling my eyes and giving her a playful shove.

_NEW_

"Hey Frost, don't be late for practice today," Mulan says to me as we throw out our trash from lunch. "It's not like you to do that."

"I know…sorry. I just have a huge test in my Cognitive Psych. class and - ,"

"Hey, don't sweat it. Coach wasn't mad, she just wanted to make sure you weren't sick or anything. You know our games start in two weeks right?"

"Yeah I know."

"And you already have a huge test? Elsa, it's the fourth day of school how much could you have done?" Mulan asks.

"I mean, he's making sure we remember everything from last year. It's an elective remember? Fall semester does different things than spring semester and - ,"

"Yeah, yeah, okay nerd…save that kind of talk for your girlfriend," Mulan interrupts with a laugh. "Speaking of Belle…did you give her any yet?"

"Hey!" I give her a shove into the wall as we make our way out of the dining hall.

"Sorry, sorry! I give up…but seriously Elsa, you know she wants it. You have two hours before your next class…I suggest you use it wisely." She winks at me.

"Yeah…wisely meaning studying for my test."

_Oh Mulan… _She's a funny person, to be honest. We met freshman year. She's a hockey player too…really good defenseman. She does fencing in the spring, and she won the state championship last year. She's a great athlete, and she's also a great student, although she acts like she doesn't give a shit about school half the time.

She's an awesome person; brutally honest, smart, loyal, and protective...just the kind of person I like. She actually beat up Hercules last year when she saw him giving me shit one day. It was amazing to watch. I never actually had the guts to stand up for myself… It's always been my first instinct to shy away from my problems and let them attack me. I know, not a great thing to do, and it never ends well for me.

That was mostly in high school, and that mindset has since changed. I handle the jocks and their bitching on me differently now. It doesn't get to me as much, which is a good thing. And plus, I have my amazing group of friends there for me whenever I need some support…emotionally though. Because sometimes, the things Hans says to me can still hurt me. It's stupid, I know, but I can't help it. Whenever he says I'm a mistake or that people like me shouldn't be alive…for some reason, I believe him.

I put my parents through so much stress and hardships when I was younger. It was tough on them, but tougher on me. My parents supported me though. They always tried to help me through the bullying. They didn't treat me any differently like other people did… And I'd rather not talk about my parents right now, but…I always wondered how they just saw me for who I was. I'll never understand how they did that, because even I don't know who I am.

Yeah I know, you'll say I'm a hockey player, a smart student, and a good kid. You'll say I'm fairly popular and a well-known athlete. You'll say I'm beautiful and nice…but I've heard all that shit already. I want to know who _Elsa _is. I've been searching all my life to find her, but I never have.

"Well…I'm off to the library," I say.

"Mhmm…library huh?" Mulan raises her eyebrows at me and slowly licks her lips just to tease me.

"I'm so done with you…"

"How hot would sex in the library be? You guys would probably knock over the bookshelves."

"I'm leaving now. Goodbye Mulan." I laugh as I walk away from her. Man I swear, out of everyone on the team, she teases me the most. She probably wants Belle and me to have sex more than the two of us actually want to. Like honestly…she can't go one day without making a sexual joke dealing with us or "giving us suggestions" as to where we should have sex.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair amount of fantasies about where I'd love to take Belle…but I guess they can wait. I'm really _not _opposed to sex in the library. Mulan was right, that would be really hot. But as I've told you before, our first time will be special.

I push open the door to the library, a cool building actually. They re-did it a couple years ago. Now one side of the building is all glass windows. The entire library is filled with natural light now, and it's awesome really. They also bought a ton of black and white leather couches…you know, school colors and all. I know black and white sounds boring…but they aren't. Our jerseys are some of the sickest things around. Awesome design, awesome logo. The Arendelle Avalanche…our mascot is a fucking Yeti! How cool is that?

I set my books down at the table I always sit at whenever I'm in here; first floor, in one of the corners, behind a bunch of bookshelves. If you wanted to find me you'd actually have to look for a little bit. I like it because it's quite and it's not near a ton of people so I can really focus on whatever I'm studying. Usually Belle sits with me back here…and we totally do _not _have a hot make out session. Because we don't do that. Not in the library. No…definitely not.

I make my way to the psychology section to look for anything I can find on Cognitive Psychology. I swear, this class is so interesting…but it will be the death of me. All my other classes are fairly easy, especially Forensic Assessment. That class is awesome! We literally evaluate crime scenes every day…really cool.

Yeah so anyway, if you couldn't tell just from those two classes, I'm majoring in Psychology. I'm also taking a bunch of Forensic classes and Criminal Profiling classes too…because well, Forensic Psychology…duh. It's great really. My school is letting me get my Masters in Forensic Psychology, and I'm applying next year so I can go on to get my PhD in Psychology. So in other words…I'm gonna be in school for a long time after this.

I turn the corner to the psychology section, and my luck…run right into someone. And more luck – I'm kind of a hockey player here – the girl nearly falls right on her ass. I react and grab her arm to keep her from falling over, and once I focus on the person, I see it's the same redhead I ran into at orientation.

I smile at her. "Glad I caught you," I say as I pull her back up.

She blushes. _Awh, she's cute. _But really…she's actually cute; Strawberry blonde hair with a white streak running through it, tan skin, freckles – _freckles are fucking adorable_, and teal blue eyes that could catch anyone's attention. She's a few inches shorter than me, so I take a small step back so I can look at her a little more clearly.

"Yeah um…sorry I ran into you again!" she stammers.

"Yes, we must really stop doing this…someone might think we're having an affair. Wouldn't want that would we?" I raise an eyebrow at her and try to hold back a laugh at the sight of her growing increasingly flustered with each passing second. _I really need to take it easy on her. _

"Uh…I um…I'm sorry? I mean, I said that…and I said it the first time I slammed into you. I'm such a klutz…never watching where I'm going. And you're probably not… I mean, like, you probably look where you're going and stuff and wow, I should just shut up now."

_Wow, she's even cuter when she rambles. _"Don't worry about it," I say. "I'm Elsa." I hold out my hand for her to shake it, and she looks up at me with a puzzled and almost dreamy expression. _Why isn't she shaking my hand? Does she even know how to shake a hand? _

"Oh um…right…" She shakes my hand. _There ya go. _"I'm Anna. Anna Lehner."

"Oh…you're the boxer?"

"Hah…wait, you actually know who I am?"

"Well, apparently you're supposed to be a good boxer. My friend, Aurora, she boxes too. Said she met you a couple days ago," I say.

"Oh…yeah! The blonde girl! Yup, we met. She was really nice!" Anna exclaims. "Wow, I still can't believe you knew who I was. I feel like…you're just this big time hockey player here and you're just so above everyone you shouldn't have clue who I am. Not saying that you're like, a bitch or something because you're a good athlete, because I can totally tell that you aren't a bitch…but there's you…and then, just me."

I can't help but chuckle at her adorable antics. "Just you?"

"Yup…just me."

An extremely awkward silence passes between us, and I'm not good with awkward silences. I scratch the back of my head and look around trying to think of something to say. Good thing Anna beat me to it.

"Well…my class starts in like, ten minutes. I should go." She backs up to leave and runs into the bookshelf in the process. I bring my hand up to my mouth to try and stifle a giggle.

"Watch out, there are bookshelves all over the place," I say.

"Yeah…I'll keep an eye out for them. But I better go. Uh…bye!" She gives me a small wave before dashing out of the library with a few books in her hand.

_Heh…cute. _

I grab a couple books for myself and make my way back to my table. I see Belle standing there looking down at her phone, and I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She lets out a small squeal of surprise, and I swear I can only love her even more.

"Elsa…I hate when you do that!" She turns around and playfully hits my shoulders with her hands. I know, we act like a typical mushy couple…deal with it.

"Shut up, you love it." I silence her with a soft kiss to her lips, and she responds by wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

The kiss quickly gains momentum and heat as she traces her tongue along my bottom lip, and I quickly grant her the entrance she wants. She lets out a soft moan as our tongues meet and battle for dominance...a battle easily won by me because well, I would top Belle any day.

I put my books on the table with my free hand before I push her back against one of the bookshelves. I feel one of her hands tangle in my hair as my thigh finds its way in between her legs.

"Elsa…" she gasps. God, it's so sexy hearing my name come from her mouth like this. I kiss along her jaw, and I can't help but think about how my name would sound when she screams it as she rides me all night. And shit…the thought sends a jolt of arousal through me. I really need to control myself.

I pull away slightly so I can take in much needed air, and Belle is still breathing heavily as well. I can feel myself hardening at the thought, and I close my eyes to try and push the feelings away. _Nope…not now. Come on Elsa! _Consequences of having a dick…it's really easy to notice when you're aroused.

"Sorry…" I mutter.

"It's fine," she says back.

"What you do to me…I swear." I laugh a little, and she pulls me in for another kiss. Just a sweet one. No tongue, no heat…just a kiss. And with _that _thought and image out of my head, I feel a little more normal now. I would have excused myself to go to the restroom and jack off but…I've done that too many times before. Wait, I didn't tell you that. Ah, whatever… I mean, sometimes Belle just gets me too excited, what can I say? She pulls me to our table, and I silently thank the Heavens I don't have an erection anymore.

"So…I've been thinking…we should go out soon," Belle says.

"Yeah! I was thinking the same thing. Where would you like to go?"

"Well, there are some good movies playing. We could go out to dinner before maybe?"

"That sounds great! Yeah, we should definitely do that," I say. Agh…just the mere thought of going on a date with Belle gives me butterflies. She's so beautiful. I love her.

_NEW_

"Oh my God…oh my God oh my God oh my God! Rapunzel…she knew who I was!" I'm practically screaming in her ear as we make our way to the dining hall for dinner.

I can't believe this. _The _Elsa Frost knew who I was? That's crazy. Okay, I know, Aurora told her about me. But still...ahhh! I can't handle this. We're not talking about some typical student athlete here. This is _Elsa Frost_. One of the smartest students and one of the most talented athletes at this school apparently. Oh wow...this is just so amazing!

"Yeah…okay…did you act like an idiot?" she asks.

"Uh…no? I don't think so. I was just probably my awkward self. But…she was so nice and so amazing and so perfect. Oh my God, I'm totally marrying this girl!"

"Hey, calm down. She has a girlfriend remember?"

"You always ruin it Punzie," I say.

"It's the truth though. Like I said, just be her friend right now. She knows your name, she'll probably say hi if she sees you again."

"It's so hard though. Like wow…congratulations to her for having flawless genes. Like…go x and y chromosomes! Good job!"

"Okay, you're weird…and you have it really bad for her," Rapunzel replies as she pushes open the door to the dining hall.

I instantly catch Elsa's eye as we walk in. God she's so perfect. She has on loose jeans again, but she's wearing a dark navy v-neck shirt. I swear…her and these v-necks…they're killing me. They make her look so toned and _God _she's so sexy.

She's leaving…of course, my luck. But she smiles at me as she walks by with what I can only assume to be half the hockey team. Probably going to practice. But still…she noticed me…again! And she smiled at me. Ahhh! I think I might cry.

"Oh my God…you're insane!" Rapunzel says. "We need to get you a different girl…or a boy."

"Don't even try. I won't be welcome to anyone's affections except Elsa's."

"Wow…if I didn't know you so well, I'd go as far to say you're in love with the girl."

"Well haven't you ever heard of love at first sight?" I turn to her and look at her with nothing but seriousness in my eyes.

"You're not actually being serious are you?"

"Maybe I am…" I sit down at a table after I grab a can of soda and pop it open.

"Anna…you're not actually _in love_ with her are you?" Rapunzel asks sitting across from me. "You just met her! You barely even know the girl and yet you're saying you might be in love with her? God, I really don't get you sometimes."

I don't respond. This can't be possible. I can't be in love with someone I met like, three days ago right? It's not possible. Nope. I just need to convince myself that I'm not falling for her. And she has a girlfriend…so I have no chance whatsoever.

Oh, who am I kidding? She's perfect, my dream girl; smart, athletic, nice, funny, and probably even more amazing once I get to know her. I'm totally falling for her… Oh God, this can't be good.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are encouraged. Love you all. Happy reading!**

**- A**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Happy reading! I love you all.****  
**

* * *

Chapter 3

Yes! Boxing starts today! I've been waiting almost two weeks for this moment! Gosh…this is great. Like…wow…this is it! I can't believe I'm boxing in college. The competition is going to be so much more intense than it was in high school. I mean, I could potentially be going against some juniors and seniors in my matches. That's amazing!

"Anna, are you just going to stand there and fangirl about this, or are you going to go inside?" I hear Aurora ask.

"Yeah…yeah, sorry. I'm just really excited."

"I get it. Now come on…time to punch some bitches." She laughs and walks ahead of me into the large athletic building.

Our boxing arena is attached to the hockey arena. Apparently, a lot of students watch both sports since well, they beat people up in ice hockey too! So, similarities. But I'm sure it's because hockey and boxing are the two best sports ever! I mean, duh, there's really no arguing with me on that one.

Aurora walks me through the building over to the boxing arena. And _wow_, this thing is legit! It looks like a professional stadium! From the looks of it, it could probably seat a thousand people. I mean, our hockey arena seats five thousand, so this is small compared to that. But still…wow!

There are four huge screens hanging from the top, probably to show the match for those in the nosebleed seats. There are giant speakers jutting out of the walls in the corners of the arena…man, I'd love to jam out to my music using those.

The seats are nice; black leather covering them, and there are mountains and yetis painted all over the walls of the stadium. School spirit is always great right? And the boxing ring…beautiful! I can't wait to finally get in there and knock some people out! That might have sounded a little too enthusiastic, but what can I say? I'm super excited! Boxing is life!

"Well, well, well…we have a fetus in the house!" I hear a boy yell as Aurora leads me into the training room.

"Uh…"

"We call freshman fetus' here," another guy says. He's a beast of a man, and I nearly shrink back a few feet when he comes over to me. "It's not an insult. You'll have to put up with it all year. Anyway, I'm Adam." He holds out his hands, and I remember to shake it this time. _Wouldn't want to have another awkward moment like I did with Elsa…_

"Hi…uh, I'm Anna."

"Yeah, I know who you are. I get a list of all the new kids we have joining our team," he says. He runs a hand through his wavy red hair and smiles down at me. I swear this guy has to be at least six foot five. He's huge! "Word from Aurora says you're pretty good."

"I'm…okay, I guess," I reply.

"Humble…I like it. Anyway, as I already said, I'm Adam, and I'm kind of like a coach around here. I'm a senior, so I get to take charge. Our actual coach never really shows up. It's a shame really…he's from Africa, and he's insanely good. I've never seen anyone beat him."

"Oh…uh, that's nice. Um, it's nice to meet you Adam."

"The pleasure's all mine. So today…it's gonna be tough. I like to see where everyone is at after the summer to make sure they've continued training. So, we have pushups, pull-ups, squats, bench, deadlifts, and then sprints. I know, it's daunting. And don't worry, I'll give you guys breaks," he explains. "But first…let's all introduce ourselves."

Apparently, the only other new student on the team is Peter. He's kind of scrawny to be honest. But then I suppose it could just be lean muscle.

The rest of the team seemed really nice. There are only ten total including me. Adam is great. He's funny and sweet. He doesn't act like a dick…like many guys I've met. But the guys here seem okay. They're all kind of laid back…except Eugene…he's never laid back. I always remember him never shutting up with Rapunzel whenever they were together. He's a good guy and I can deal with him, but sometimes he pushes my patience _a lot_ I'll say that for sure.

"Alright everyone!" Adam shouts to get our attention. "Time to show me what you've got."

_Okay Anna…here we go. Don't mess this up._

_NEW_

I couldn't stop thinking about her. This is scary. This isn't supposed to happen. I have a girlfriend! How can I be attracted to Anna? No. There's no way in fuck this is happening. Okay…I need to calm down. It's just attraction, no feelings at all. Right. Right? I mean, she's certainly beautiful, and adorable, and sweet…and cute and…agh, stop it!

I've been distracted all day by this. I know she's attracted to me, there's no hiding that one. The way she blushes whenever I look at her, the way she can't find words when she tries to talk to me…the signs are there. I pick up on stuff like that. I have a pretty strong gaydar…

No. I can't think about her. I have Belle, and I wouldn't want anyone else. She's so perfect. I love her. And speaking of Belle…I'm supposed to pick her up in ten minutes for our date. We're just going to dinner. I decided to skip going to a movie considering I have another huge test tomorrow, and I really need to study. I've barely done anything for it. I swear, Cognitive Psych. will be the death of me this year.

I quickly pull on the pair of clothes I brought to practice with me; plain white shirt with a black hoodie with 'Arendelle Hockey' across the front of it, one of my nicer pairs of jeans, and my Sperry's. I braid my hair, and it ends up looking kind of messy…eh, whatever, I still look decent.

I hang my gear up in my locker and basically sprint out of the ice arena. Lucky me, Belle's dorm is halfway across campus…that was sarcasm by the way. It'll take me at least another ten minutes to get there.

"Whoa, Frost, what are you in such a rush for?" Kristoff asks as I go by him.

"Date," I say. I slow down so he can catch up to me.

"Hmm…a date with Belle I'm assuming?"

"Yes, I need to be there in," I look at my watch, "shit, two minutes. Her dorm is at least another five now."

"Hey, calm down…sorry we can't all have OCD about the time we need to be somewhere."

"Not funny Kristoff."

"Okay…sorry, yeah…that was low," he apologizes. "But I'm sure Belle won't mind if you show up a couple minutes late."

"Yeah…yeah, okay." I take a few deep breaths to recover from my sprinting fit out of the locker room. "Man, I'm out of shape."

"Elsa, shut up. You're the best looking girl at this school."

"Alright sure, whatever you say Kristoff." I roll my eyes. "Well, I actually need to go. See you around."

"Make sure you give her some tonight," he says with a wink.

I roll my eyes again in return and finish my journey to Belle's dorm. Why does everything have to be so far away? I'm too lazy to walk all this way. But then again, it is Belle…so in that case I'd walk around the entire earth if it meant taking her out on a date.

I make my way through the dorm house and up to Belle's room. Lightly knocking on her door three times, I run a hand through my hair to smooth it down a little.

"Hey," Belle says the moment she opens the door.

"Wow…you look beautiful. I feel underdressed now," I reply.

She's wearing a navy button down with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, black jeans, and the same tan Sperry's like mine. Her hair is tied in its usual loose ponytail, some strands of hair falling out of it here and there, but she looks amazing nonetheless. As a matter of fact, she always looks amazing.

"Please…you look gorgeous too," she says.

"Yes, well, I believe we have a date to get to?"

"We do."

"Then we should be off. Don't want to be late." She loops her arm with mine and gives me a small kiss on my cheek. I can't help the wide smile that spreads across my face. She's just too perfect.

* * *

"And then I heard that she had to fake an orgasm so it would stop," Belle says.

I almost spit out my drink as I try to hold in my laughter. Not sure if this is the best conversation to have over dinner…but whatever. "You're kidding! He was that bad?"

"Apparently…he wasn't as big as she thought he was." Yeah, so Belle is telling me about when Megara, we all call her Meg though, slept with Hans. I mean, Meg sleeps around with a ton of guys, but I never knew she'd go so low as Hans. I guess she wanted to see if the rumors were true.

"That's ridiculous! She faked an orgasm!"

"Yeah…she told me the night after it happened. I was crying from laughing so hard," Belle says. "I mean…how amazing is that? She said he was only five inches…at most!"

That time I choked on my drink. "What?!" Okay…that's just…tiny… Like what the fuck?! Five inches?! That's pathetic! "Aren't guys five inches when they're like, I don't know, ten or something? That's insane!"

"Yeah, and she said she was gonna tell everyone at school!"

"That would ruin him. People don't believe the other girls, but Meg…they'll believe her. She's slept with almost every guy in our year!"

"I know…man, that's hysterical," she says.

"But still…she faked an orgasm? Is that even possible?" I ask. Seriously though, that can't be possible right? I mean, how do you fake an orgasm?

"Oh, it's very possible Elsa," Belle replies.

"How…isn't it like…you either are, or you aren't? Wow, that didn't make any sense."

"No, I actually understand what you're trying to say. But trust me, it's possible."

"I don't believe you."

"Elsa, it's not as easy for you to fake an orgasm…because you can't. You get hard, you shoot, and that's it. But see, when you have a vagina," she sits forward in her chair a little bit, and I can't help but let out a small laugh at this whole conversation right now, "it can be easier to make someone think you just came."

"Hm…still not buying it. Wouldn't you know?"

"Oh God no," she says giggling. "You'd never know. I can't understand what it is about guys…they feel like they're the givers of the ultimate kind of pleasure if a girl so much as looks at them, when really, we fake it half the time just so they don't feel bad."

"A pity orgasm then?" She laughs. "Am I like that?" I ask.

"Of course not! I mean, Elsa, you're still a girl…even if you have the parts of a guy. And I guess you're just smarter than everyone else. You're not some typical hormonally raging, horny, college dude that only thinks about banging hot girls," she answers.

"Hm…good to know." I wink at her. "But I still don't believe you; about the whole orgasm thing. You can't fake one, because you're either feeling it or you're not," I say. I mean, that's just crazy. I'm pretty sure if Belle was faking an orgasm…I'd know.

Belle sets her drink down and looks at me with what seems like puppy dog eyes. _That's fucking adorable. _But then their expression turns into something more…sensual? Wanting? I can't tell. She lets out a small gasp and still maintains eye contact with me.

"Um…Belle? Are you okay?" Seriously, I have no idea what's happening right now.

"God…yes…" It's like she's moaning, I swear, what's going on? She grips onto the table cloth and shuts her eyes. "God, right there…yes!" She moans a little louder and runs one of her hands through her hair.

I see a bunch of people start looking over at us. I make eye contact with a few of them and shrug my shoulders. How am I supposed to know what she's doing?

Belle slams her hands onto the table multiple times now. "Yes, Elsa! Just like that…God, yes!" she yells as she moves back and forth in her chair. Oh my God... I'm pretty sure the whole restaurant is looking at us right now…but the point is that I finally figured out what was happening.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and as casually as I can, I take a small sip of my drink as I try my best _not _to make eye contact with Belle right now. Jesus Christ, why is she doing this now? I'd understand like, in her dorm room or something…but in the middle of a restaurant?

"Yes! Yes! Baby, right there! Oh…God!" she yells. She grabs onto the edges of the table as she lets out a few deep breaths. "Wow…Elsa…" she pants. She's breathing heavily now, and yeah…more panting and heavy breathing. She takes a small bite of her steak, smiles at me, and then suddenly her face turns serious as she makes eye contact with me again. "See. We totally can fake orgasms."

I let out a small _whoosh _of breath and chuckle a little. "Wow…um…how?"

"Well, don't ask me how Meg faked hers but…it's all in the good power of imagination." She winks at me and damn it, now is not the time! I swear, this girl teases me deliberately now.

I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. So, I just look around the restaurant, and see that many of the people are still staring at us. A waitress goes over to the table next to us with a couple of elderly ladies. I see one of them glance over at Belle as she says to the waitress, "I'll have whatever she's having."

Okay…so that happened. Wow…just wow. I…I don't even have any words for that.

* * *

"You should have seen your face!" Belle exclaims as I walk her back to her dorm room.

"Well…you were convincing!" I say back. "And how was I supposed to know?"

"Exactly my point."

"You sneaky little bitch," I say. "You're terrible."

"Hm…yet you still love me," she replies kissing me on the cheek.

"Mhmm…well, it was a lovely evening. Thank you for making me and well, the entire restaurant, experience what you're like when you have an orgasm."

"No babe, I'm sure it'll be _much _more intense when you give it to me," she says lowly into my ear.

"Don't make me horny now…please," I get out.

"I'm just messing with you," she laughs. "Anyway, I had a great time. We'll definitely be doing this again in the future. Maybe I can take you out before your game next weekend?"

"I'd love that." I let go of her hand so I can give her a hug. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist and pull her towards me for a deep kiss.

She puts her arms around my shoulders in return, and just the feeling of her body pressing against my own is enough to send a wave of arousal through me. God, what I would give to be able to push her up against the wall and take her right now. No, we promised each other we'd wait.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I say once I break the kiss. "Oh, and by the way, there's a free skate tomorrow night. Think you can come?"

"Oh…I'm sorry, I have a practice. Our first game is Sunday," she replies.

"What? Why didn't you tell me? I have to make sure I didn't plan anything now so I can come!"

She laughs. God, her laugh is almost angelic. I could listen to the sound of her voice all day. "I was planning on telling you tomorrow."

"So you were planning on telling me the day before your first game…makes sense." I roll my eyes and give her another quick kiss.

"Shut up you." She hits me on the arm, which only registers a laugh from me. "But I'm sorry I can't come to the free skate. Let me know when there's another one and I'll be sure to come then!"

"Definitely. Can't wait for your game." I smile and kiss her one last time before I turn to leave.

"Bye Elsa, I love you."

"I love you too Belle. See you tomorrow."

_NEW_

Wow…today was exhausting. Since I had a class late afternoon, I had to come back and finish my little "evaluation", as Adam called it. And now, all I want to do is fall onto the ground and sleep right here, right now…in front of the boxing arena. But no, I have to walk across campus to the freshman dorms. They're so far away! This isn't fair!

Anyway…today we were timed on how many pushups and pull ups we could do in thirty seconds. It was brutal. I think I had twenty-three pushups and eleven pull ups. Not bad considering I only trained a little bit over the summer.

Then we had bench presses and dead lifts. These were just seeing how much dead weight we could lift. Yeah, I benched one hundred and ten and dead lifted one hundred and sixty. Made me feel out of shape, that's all I have to say. Last year I could bench one thirty and dead lift one eighty…I had some pretty rad shoulder and back muscles in high school to be honest.

So yeah, then we had sprints, which weren't that bad. We did three sets of them and timed each one. They were just one hundred yard sprints, so they weren't hard at all. But still, my legs kill and my arms feel like they're about to fall off my body.

Aurora and I pass by one of the junior dorms, and I see Elsa walking away from Belle. Jealousy instantly flares inside me. I know it's bad. They clearly love each other. But I can't help it. I just want Elsa so badly.

"Hey, you alright? You're blushing."

"Aurora, it's pitch black outside, how can you tell I'm blushing?"

"I can sense it. Your whole body is giving off heat now," she says. "So what's up?" She follows my line of vision to the gorgeous platinum blonde walking ahead of us. "Ah…Elsa…yeah, wait a second. You don't have a crush on her do you?"

I let out a sigh. What am I supposed to say? _'No, Aurora. I don't have a crush on her. I only get mildly jealous whenever I see her with her girlfriend.'_ That would go over well…that was sarcasm, just saying.

"You do, don't you?" she continues.

I sigh again. "Can't deny it. I feel bad though. I don't want to let my feelings come between her and Belle. That just wouldn't be right."

"Yeah true."

"They're so cute together though… It makes me sick."

"Well, they've been dating for like, four or five months I think," Aurora says stifling her laughter. "And I know this sounds mean or whatever, but I don't think they're breaking up anytime soon."

"Yeah…I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up too high. Why did I have to fall for the most unobtainable girl here?"

"I mean, no harm can come if you two are just friends," she says.

"But I don't want to be just friends with her. If I am, then my feelings will only get stronger. I'm not kidding Aurora, I fell for that girl the second I saw her," I respond. Ugh, why is this so difficult? I know I'm being selfish…wanting Elsa all to myself. I should be happy for her. She's a great athlete, a smart girl, and she has an amazing girlfriend. I haven't run into Belle yet, but from what I've heard she's a really sweet girl. We'd probably get along…if it weren't for the fact that I'd most likely want to rip her head off for being with Elsa.

Okay…that was a little extreme. I'm sure she's really nice and all but…_Elsa. _Seriously, I'll never understand why people hate that girl. Why? Why?! It makes no sense. Okay yeah, the girl has a dick…personally I don't find that disturbing at all. That happens to people all around the world too right? Yeah, it does. I know that for a fact. And also maybe the fact that she's gay? I know there are a lot of people who hate gays out there, which makes no sense to me, because a lot of people are gay in this world. You people who hate gays need to get over yourselves because it's a thing, and you can't change it.

If anything, it only makes her even more attractive to me. I've only been in school for a few weeks, but you'd be surprised with all the different scenarios I've thought of. So many places I'd love for her to take me in…or on, either way, as long as she's fucking me I –

Okay, I'm stopping. This is weird…it's probably weird, isn't it? But come on! The girl is perfect! Who wouldn't think about having her fuck them?

"Hey," Aurora starts, putting a hand on my shoulder, "you'll be fine. Just, don't do anything stupid that you might regret later. Elsa is a nice girl. She can be a little closed off at times though, but that's just who she is. She's had a rough past, but she has one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen. Just be her friend for now. You never know what can happen in the future."

"I'll try…"

She smiles at me before walking in the opposite direction to her own dorm building. I turn back around to start heading back to my dorm, and lucky me again, slam right into someone's back. And um, I doubt there's anyone else out here, so I'm pretty sure I slammed into Elsa again.

"Whoa…watch it!" I yell as I nearly fall over. I look up to see the familiar platinum blonde girl and immediately take back my harsh tone. "Uh…sorry. I uh, didn't realize it was you at first! I sounded mean, and um…I'm sorry."

"It's fine. So…we run into each other yet again, quite literally I must add," she says.

The first thing I notice once I get a good look at her is that she's not wearing her glasses now. "Didn't you wear glasses like, oh I don't know, every time I've seen you?" She laughs. Ah, her laugh…it'll melt my heart every time I hear it.

"I wear contacts when I play hockey," she answers. "I just…had to rush out of practice today."

"A date?"

"Uh…yeah." She laughs nervously. "Um…so, I'm assuming your dorm is this way?"

"Yeah…I'm in the Rollins House…why are you all the way over here? Aren't you a junior?"

"Well, the junior and senior hockey girls live in the same dorm. And once we reach your dorm, mine is still a little bit east of yours," she says.

"Why do you live all the way over there? You have to walk across the entire campus basically to get to the ice rink!" I exclaim.

"I mean, I have a car. I don't use it all the time just to drive myself over to the rink. But...yeah, well…they want us in the same place, and since the other dorms are filled…this happened." She laughs again, but it's a little more relaxed this time. "You look exhausted."

"Oh…uh, yeah. First day back and rigorous training…it's a killer," I say. Wow, I probably sound like an idiot. Why is she still talking to me? I can't be that interesting, right?

"I can imagine. We do similar things as you for our training. Bench, dead lift, squats…it's rough."

"Really…no wonder you look great. I mean, uh, it's just…you play hockey, so you kind of have to be in shape. Not saying that you're like, ripped and that's hot but um…wow okay, I just said that, whoops." I clamp one of my hands over my mouth to keep me from speaking anymore. That did not go as I had hoped.

"Um…well, I could say the same for you," she replies. Wow okay, that happened. "But anyway, uh…" I can see her eyes light up even in the dim rays coming from the lamp in front of the door to my dorm building. "Anna, there's a free skate tomorrow at the ice arena…ya know, to get the school pumped for the start of our season. You should uh, come…if you can."

"Oh, uh, yeah of course! I'd love to! When do your games start?" I ask.

"Next weekend. They're the home openers so...a lot of people usually come to them," she answers. "But uh...that's great! I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Absolutely." I smile at her, and she returns it just as much before turning and heading off in the direction of her dorm building.

Wow…Elsa just asked me to go to a free skate with her. Okay well, maybe not _with _with her…but still, she wants me to come. Ah! This is the best day ever! Ugh, why does she have to be so nice and amazing and perfect all the time? It should be illegal for someone to be as flawless as she is. Like seriously…why am I even hoping for a chance with her? Oh whatever, I'm still seeing her tomorrow. And this time, it won't be us awkwardly slamming into each other in the middle of the library. Maybe we can actually have a normal conversation without either of us stumbling over our words… Nah, that probably won't happen.

But she's just so sweet. How is she such a wonderful person to be around? Her parents must be really amazing people, because they raised a lovely girl.

Oh, I forgot to mention something to her; I can't ice skate for shit.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, these two dorks are killing my feels xD**

**Reviews are encouraged.**

**Also, the scene in the restaurant when Belle fakes an orgasm was inspired by a scene in the movie "When Harry Met Sally." Great movie, you should watch it. For those of you who have seen the movie before, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, then go on Youtube and look it up...it's really funny.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hoped you liked the last chapter :) You guys are awesome.**

**Longer chapter this time!**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 4

So apparently, Meg _did _tell as many people as she could that Hans has a small dick. Now she's saying he wasn't even four inches. Somehow he went down an inch and why am I not surprised by this? Probably because it's true. He's sitting there with barely a four inch dick and I'm here probably bigger than ninety nine percent of the guys at this school...wait, I didn't tell you that. Just pass over that comment. Forget I ever said it okay?

Although, as hysterical as it is, I'm worried for her. Hans isn't the kind of guy to take his pride lightly. He'll probably make her life a living hell for as long as he can now. But we're missing the best thing about this: She faked a fucking orgasm to get him to stop! I'm sorry…but I'm still having a hard time getting over something like that.

And to think Belle was right about it being totally possible too…that made it even better. Although, the fact that she basically implied she thought about me fucking her so she could make it more convincing happened to make me extremely horny. All I can say is: I'm glad Mulan went out with her boyfriend, Shang, last night…because let's just say _my _imagination got the best of me.

Spending most of my night jacking off to the thought of fucking Belle in almost every position I could think of was extremely pleasurable yet disappointing knowing that it was only my imagination and hand doing the job. But…it also helped me take my mind off a particular redhead girl who may or may not box and who may or may not be the most adorable girl I've ever met.

And I hate saying it, but I really like her too. I'm usually not the kind of person who takes an instant liking to someone else, but Anna just…captivated me. From the moment I ran into her, literally, I could tell she was a sweet girl…and awkward. Wow, she's really awkward, but it only adds to her charm. Holy shit, did I actually say that?

I mean, maybe my mind is going too fast…I've only know Anna for a couple weeks! And even then, we've only talked about five times, all of which were very awkward conversations and yet my affection for her only grew each time. Her smile and laugh, they're endearing. Her freckles, they're adorable. Her eyes, they're beautiful. Her hair, it's gorgeous and radiant. The fact that she's a boxer, that's hot as hell! She probably has some mean abs. I mean, her whole body looks toned as it is.

And yay for me, I get to see her in thirty minutes. A ton of people are coming to this free skate. Quite honestly, I didn't want to go if Belle wasn't going, seeing as I hate going to places that are crowded with people in every square inch of the place. But, as I was walking with Anna last night, I thought it'd be nice to invite her, and it gives me a reason to go. She looked so excited after I asked her too. It was so cute… Oh wow, I really need to stop this. This can't be good.

I pull on a plain white shirt (I honestly use it to sleep in) and throw on a black hoodie with our school logo on the front of it. Then I grab a pair of gray sweatpants and slip those on. I contemplate whether or not I should brush my hair to tame it a little… Nah, I'll just keep it in a messy braid. I'm too lazy for that at the moment. I kind of look like a drug dealer right now to be honest. Eh, whatever. At least I'm a hot drug dealer right?

I slip on my Sperry's and head out of my room. Mulan left already, and to be honest, I'm kind of glad she did. I was taking a nap after my Forensic Assessment class and well, let's just say I'm not the happiest camper when I'm waken up from sleep. And aside from that, I was probably super hard because well…dreams with Belle in them can do that to me.

The walk across campus seems shorter for some reason tonight. Maybe it's because I'm excited to see Anna…possibly. I think that must be the reason.

The air is already getting cooler, and it feels nice against my skin. I always loved the cold. Not sure why but…winter has always been my favorite season…must have something to do with playing hockey.

I swear though, being so far north in the country…we have like nine months of winter I'm not even kidding. Last year in March we had a blizzard and got two feet of snow dumped on us. It sucked but at the same time it was great because it gave me more time to sleep since classes were cancelled. We seriously couldn't even get out of our dorms, that's how high the snow was piled.

"Elsa! You showed up!" Kristoff shouts from the entrance of the ice arena.

"I mean…yeah, I guess," I say back.

"Well, you never come to stuff like this. Maybe this year I can get you to come to more than one party." He laughs and throws one of his arms over my shoulders.

"Not likely."

"Ah, I'm sure you'll go with me. What brings you out anyway? Usually if you're not playing hockey or studying over the weekends you're usually getting blown by Belle right?"

I punch him in the stomach just hard enough so he feels it. "For the record, I've never been sucked off by Belle."

"Mhmm…sure."

"You're almost as bad as Mulan, you know that right?" I swear, these two will kill me with all their crude comments and suggestions.

"Hm, I think I might be worse," he says. "But anyway, you never answered my question; what brings you out here tonight?"

"Oh…well, you see, I - ,"

"Elsa!"

I'd know that voice anywhere. I turn around and see Anna walking towards me with a huge smile on her face. Aw, she's so cute. She has on some tight fitting jeans, which show off her curves not in a slutty way, but in an athletic and attractive way… I like it. She's wearing an Under Armour shirt with 'Arendelle Boxing' across the front. Man, she looks so official in it. But wait…she's only wearing a t-shirt? Is she insane? Does she know how cold our ice rink can get?

"You came," I say returning her smile with just as much enthusiasm.

"Well…why wouldn't I?"

Damn it, why does she have to be so fucking cute all the time?

"Um…well - ,"

"So this is Anna?" Kristoff asks, coming up to stand next to me.

"Uh, yeah. Anna, this is Kristoff." I motion to him. "We're like, best friends."

"Like? Aw, I thought I _was _your best friend…" He makes his sad puppy dog eyes at me, and I just playfully shove him away. "Anyway, it's nice to meet you Anna. Elsa talks about you a lot."

"Kristoff! Shut up!"

Anna only laughs with amusement in her eyes. Damn, her eyes…they're so beautiful…

"We should probably go in," I say trying to distract myself from admiring Anna any further.

"Oh, Elsa…there's something you should know," Anna says as she walks with Kristoff and me into the ice arena. "I'm…not the best at ice skating."

"That's fine. I can help you out," I respond.

"No, like, I _really _can't skate. If my life depended on it I still couldn't do it."

I laugh as we veer off in the opposite direction of the large sheet of ice and over to the concession area where Anna will get her skates. I go behind the counter and grab a size six for her. There aren't many people in this area, seeing as most of them are already skating. I can hear the music blaring from the arena speakers.

"Here," I say handing the skates to Anna.

"How'd you know what size I was?" she asks as she heads over to a table so she can put the skates on.

"Just guessed. I mean, based off your height and stuff…" I trail off when I notice Kristoff standing in the tunnel that leads to the ice sheet. He gives me a puzzled look and mouths to me 'Are you fucking her?' I shoot him a look that he knows all too well to mean 'Are you fucking kidding me?' He raises his hands in mock defeat and turns around and heads out onto the ice.

"Where are your skates?" Anna asks. I realize that she managed to tie the skate laces herself. I know, it might seem natural for someone to know how to tie laces since they're exactly like shoe laces, but you'd be surprised by how many people I've run into that need people to do that for them.

"Oh, they're in the locker room. I'll be right back," I say. I run down to our locker room, which is only down the hall a few sections. Whenever I go into the room, I can't help but marvel at how amazing it is. It's huge and it looks so professional.

Our logo is imprinted in the middle of the room, we each get our own separate lockers, the walls are painted black, white, and silver, and the best part: It doesn't smell. Amazing right? I don't know what they do, but they have to disinfect this room like, every day or something once we all leave. It's insane. In high school, our locker room smelled _so _bad. Yeah, we as players are accustomed to it, but if you were in there for your first time it would be repulsive.

I snap out of my fangirl moment over our locker room, grab my skates, and head back to Anna. I take a seat next to her and quickly put my own skates on, tying them sloppily before standing back up and offering my hand to Anna.

"Do you think you can walk in them?" I ask, a slight grin making its way onto my face.

"Okay, I'm not that bad when it comes to this. Yes I can walk in them, what kind of question is that?" She rolls her eyes in a more dramatic way than the situation called for, but she takes my hand nonetheless. The contact sends a jolt of what feels like electricity through my whole body, and I can feel my heart beat faster when Anna's eyes meet mine as she stands up.

"Um, you're going to be cold," I get out.

"I'll be fine Elsa," she says with a small laugh. Ah, I love hearing her say my name. And I love her laugh. It's so adorable and sweet. I wish I could make her laugh all the time.

We come out of the tunnel and onto one of the benches. The music is blaring and there are easily three hundred people here, and more will come soon, I'm sure of it. Most of them hang out in the stadium seats though. Some probably even go to the top sections where no one can see and fuck but…hey, whatever floats your boat. You wanna fuck in an ice rink, be my guest.

The disco ball has been lowered from the bottom of the jumbotron that hangs over the middle of the ice, and the sparkly lights dance all over the arena. It's awesome really. I think it's great that we do this every year.

A couple of my teammates notice me and skate over to me. Mulan being one of them…this might not end well. Now I'm thinking of all the dirty jokes and comments she could make about Belle and me, and she'd do it right in front of Anna too. Damn, I really don't want her to get the wrong message. This girl likes me…and I like her too!

"Elsa…where's Belle?" Ariel asks. I'll be totally honest, Ariel isn't the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean. She's really sweet and all but…sometimes I feel like she's just on another planet half the time.

"She had soccer practice," I say.

"Please, she's probably too wiped out to do anything. Must have been from that pounding Elsa gave her last night," Mulan chimes in.

"Great, here we go again." I groan and try to laugh it off, but an intense blush spreads across my face at the mere thought of it.

"So…who's your friend?" Mulan asks, brushing the last subject away as if she never said it.

"Oh, uh, this is Anna. She's a boxer."

"Um…hi," she says softly, giving a small wave to my two teammates in front of her.

"Yeah so, these are some of my teammates. The redhead is Ariel, and the Chinese one is Mulan."

"You're great at introducing people," Mulan deadpans.

"And you're great at torturing me," I reply.

"Hey, you can't deny that I have given you some pretty awesome ideas."

"Okay…we're _not _having this conversation now. Goodbye…both of you." I playfully shoo them away, and I turn around to find Anna laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You're teammates are awesome!"

"Hah…you're funny," I say sarcastically. "Now come on, I'm supposed to help you skate right?"

"I mean…if you want to…"

"Anna, if you're really as bad as you say you are then I'm not leaving you." I give a small laugh and step onto the ice before turning around and holding my hand out for her to take.

Let me say this: I'm not the most patient person in the world, and Anna isn't the best skater in the world. I mean, it's one thing to be able to keep your balance when you're stationary, but this girl nearly fell the second she stepped on the ice.

"You'd be a terrible hockey player," I say as I try to help her move forward a little bit.

"I told you I suck!" she exclaims.

"And you're sure you're not cold?" I ask. "I can always give you my sweatshirt if you want."

"Then you'll be cold," she says.

Kristoff zips by us, all while making eye contact with me and mouthing 'You're totally fucking her.' Again, I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Anna.

"Please, I'm a hockey player. The cold doesn't bother me. I'm like, immune to it. Plus…you look cold."

"Fine," she says. She fakes a pout, and I have to squash down every single ounce of temptation making me want to kiss her right then and there. Jesus she's so adorable. Like Anna, come on, stop doing that for one second so I can function here!

"I'm gonna have to let go of you though." I grin and before she can even say something I detach my hands from hers and swiftly pull my sweatshirt off. The chilly air of the rink hits my skin, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Amazingly, Anna managed to stay on her feet. "Think you can put this on and stay up? Or do we have to go to one of the benches?" I tease.

"I'm not that incapable," she says. "You're terrible."

"I'm only being the thoughtful person that I usually am." I shoot her a smug look as she pulls my sweatshirt on. It ruffles her hair up a bit, and I can't help the small giggle that escapes my mouth at the adorable sight of my hoodie on her body. It's about two sizes too big for her since I'm broader around my shoulders and well, I'm like four inches taller than her.

"God, this thing is huge!" she says, shaking her hands as the ends of the sleeves on the hoodie flail around. Yeah, it is _way _too big for her.

"That's what she said," I say in a sing-song voice. She pushes the sleeves up to her elbows before placing her hands in mine again.

"I had a feeling you were gonna say that," she replies. "That's so not fair. You can't make those kinds of jokes."

"Why? Because I have a dick myself? I think it makes it even better."

"That's exactly why you can't make those jokes!" She laughs, and she nearly falls over as we start turning towards the other side of the rink. "Holy shit…" she says, and my grip on her hands tightens to make sure she doesn't fall.

"It's okay. I got you. I must say, you aren't as bad as you said you were. You're getting the hang of this fairly quick. However, if you start going down, I'm not gonna catch you."

"What? Elsa! That's just mean!" she whines playfully. Her teal eyes meet mine, and I can't help the wide smile that comes to my face. Just…everything this girl does makes me smile. She's so cute and sweet. Just saying her name is enough to make my heart race.

I can't believe this. I'm not supposed to think or feel this way about anyone except Belle. Why is this happening? It's not possible to love someone and start falling for someone else! I can't think like this. Anna is just my friend. I barely know her! I can't be worried about what it'd be like to date her already! And…oh my God…I just said that, didn't I?

No, no, no…this isn't good at all. I love Belle. Yes. I love Belle. Right. Right? I mean, I do love her. No questions asked. She's the girl of my dreams. There's no one I'd rather be with than her. Anna is my friend. I'm allowed to think she's beautiful but…nothing more than that. Because I have Belle. And she's drop dead gorgeous and sexy as fuck.

But why am I not feeling it right now? Usually whenever I think of Belle, my heart beat speeds up and I feel all mushy inside. Why isn't that happening right now? Ugh, this isn't good. Shit…I guess I just need to convince myself that I'm in love with Belle…

_NEW_

Oh my God…I'm ice skating with Elsa right now. How did this happen again? Wait, that doesn't matter. She's holding my hands too! Her skin is so soft and flawless. Wow, this girl will be the death of me. She's sarcastic too. I love that! Although, I must say, sometimes I don't know if she's only kidding or if she's actually making fun of me. It's probably a combination of both.

And she's letting me wear her hoodie! God, she's so sweet. It smells like her too. A crisp, fresh scent. Kind of like winter…if winter even has a scent. Actually it does. Isn't there a Yankee Candle scent that's like, Winter Snowflake or something? I'm pretty sure there is… Well, that's what this hoodie smells like, and it's amazing. This hoodie alone could make me fall for Elsa all over again. And shit…I said that…

No, I can't be falling for her! She has a girlfriend! I can't come between them just because of my selfish desires. That's not right! I need to keep telling myself this. Then, maybe I can convince myself that I'm _not _falling in love with Elsa.

I feel a jolt in front of me, and I snap out of my thoughts to realize that Elsa stopped. Shit…

"Um, Elsa…I don't know how to stop." I'm going towards her. This isn't good. "Elsa, shit, I can't stop!" And then yeah…I go slamming into her. And guys, she's a hockey player…she's got a pretty solid build. Is this what being body checked feels like?

"Whoa, Anna!" Elsa tries to get a good grip on me and pull me back up but…too late. I'm already on my way down. And without realizing it, my skate hits Elsa's, causing her to come crashing down as well.

It would have been fine. It would have been a normal sight; a terrible skater falling on her ass and making a fool of herself. But no…it wasn't fine, because Elsa just happened to land right on top of me.

And as awkward as it is since we're in front of a lot of my friends as well as Elsa's teammates, I can't help the growing temptation in me to lean up and kiss her right now. I've never really seen her face this close before so – oh my God, are those freckles? Yes, they are. She has the faintest dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose and it is _adorable! _Is it just me, or does she get more perfect by the second?

Her whole body is pressing into me right now. I mean, we are on ice here…it's kind of hard to grab on to anything. There's also something lower down and – holy shit, is that her cock? Oh my God, I think it is. Fuck, it's literally in between my legs. Holy fucking shit…that's so hot. I know she's wearing sweatpants but still…she feels big. Like fuck me right now please…damn it!

"Gosh…I'm so sorry," she says frantically. She quickly gets up and pulls me off the ice with her. Wow, she's strong. "Are you hurt? I…you…we, kind of took a hard fall there. I hope I didn't crush you or anything."

_No Elsa, you didn't crush me. In fact everything was fine except for the fact that your dick was only pressing against me and it wasn't inside me like I want it to be. _Fuck, I _need _to stop thinking like this. Because in actuality, I don't just want Elsa for her dick…I really love her personality too, and she seems like she's an amazing person. I just need to spend some more time with her.

"I'm fine," I say.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Elsa, I promise I'm okay!" I smile at her and let out a small giggle at how adorable she is when she looks concerned.

"That's good. I'd hate to hurt you." She returns my smile, and I could have sworn I saw something flash across her eyes that I've never seen before. Her eyes are always bright. They light up with happiness when she's talking about something she's interested in or when she's with her friends. They convey nothing but kindness and warmth. But now, they looked dark and cold, as if she was remembering something terrible.

I wanted to open my mouth and ask if she was okay, but I figured I shouldn't push her. We're just small friends. She probably wouldn't even be open to sharing anything personal with me yet.

"Don't worry about it Elsa," I say softly. I take a glance around the arena. Most students left. It is close to eleven at night after all. But there are still at least a hundred kids left. My eyes fall on Elsa's friend – Kristopher…no wait, Kristoff…yeah, that's his name – and he's looking at us with a weird expression on his face.

Shit…does he think something is going on between us? No, that can't be possible. We aren't even acting like a – well, I guess we kind of are acting like a couple. Ice skating, holding hands, me wearing her hoodie, and us falling…okay, yeah that would certainly look suspicious to anyone.

"Anna, I have a test tomorrow in one of my classes, so I need to head back. If you want to stay you can," I hear Elsa say to me.

"Oh…yeah, I'll go back to my dorm too!"

"Are you sure? You don't want to stay? Aurora and some of your boxing friends are still here."

"No, no, it's fine Elsa."

"Okay." The smile that lights up her face makes my heart turn to mush. She looks so gorgeous when she smiles. I mean, not saying she doesn't look gorgeous _all _the time, but she's just…ah, I'm really falling hard for this girl.

* * *

"So, I saw you and Elsa dry-humping each other on the ice," Rapunzel says the second I walk through the door to our room.

"Wait…you were there?"

"Eugene went so of course I went with him. Anyway…back to Elsa. You know she has a girlfriend," she says dryly.

"Punzie…nothing is going on between us! I fell and took her legs out from under her on my way down."

"Yeah, your way down on her dick."

"Oh my goodness. Rapunzel, I'm serious! I'd never do that to her and Belle! That's just not fair to the both of them, and I highly doubt Elsa is the kind of person who would cheat on her girlfriend. That's not in her personality at all," I say a little defensively.

"Hey…I wasn't accusing you of doing anything with her. But, from where I was in the stands, it certainly looked like you two were dry-humping."

"We weren't." I groan and basically fall onto my bed from exhaustion. Ice skating was a lot more work than I thought it would be.

"I bet you wish you were though." She smirks at me and I roll my eyes in return.

"I'm not going to deny that I have feeling for her," I say. "From the second I saw her I was just…drawn to her. I can't explain it. It was like my body and heart ached to be with her. It was strange."

"Oh wow…yeah, you definitely have it bad."

"That's all you can say about it to me?" I get up and go over to my drawer and pull out a pair of pajama shorts. I change into those and – shit, I never gave Elsa her hoodie back. She didn't even ask for it either. Oh…I'll just give it to her tomorrow. It shouldn't be a big deal right? I mean, we were talking on our way back to our dorms so we both must have forgotten about it.

I pull the hoodie and then my shirt off, leaving me in a sports bra. I take in the scent of Elsa's hoodie again. What I'd give to have her all over me right now…this is crazy, how much I want this girl.

"Wait…are you wearing the girl's hoodie?" Rapunzel asks.

"Hey, she gave it to me to wear when we were in the rink!"

"Still, that's cute. Ya know, if she wasn't already dating someone I'd say she returns some of your feelings."

"Punzie no, don't do that to me. You know if my hopes seem real it'll only lead to a bigger heartbreak for me," I say. My smile turns into a frown, and even though nothing happened, I already feel like my heart is splitting in half from the ache of knowing I'll never be able to have an amazing and perfect girl such as Elsa Frost.

_NEW_

I don't care that it's eleven forty-five at night right now. I don't care that I have another test in Cognitive Psych. tomorrow. I don't care that she might already be sleeping. I whip my phone out and press Belle's contact icon to call her. Shit, I need her so badly right now.

"Come on…come on," I mutter. By the fourth ring she answers.

"Elsa?" I can tell she was sleeping by the light rasp of her voice. Damn it, I woke her up. All because _I _need her. God, I'm so selfish. "Elsa…what's wrong?" she asks.

"No…Belle, I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Elsa, you called me and now I'm up. You might as well tell me what's bothering you. Please…I'll listen." God she's so sweet. I love her.

"I just…I need you to come here. I'm by that little courtyard next to my dorm building. Please…just…come." I'm trying to hold back my tears, but my strength to do that is thinning by the second.

I take a seat on one of the benches in the courtyard, and my head falls into my hands. It wasn't Anna's fault. She didn't do anything wrong. It was just…the thought of hurting her. I don't even know what possessed it to cross my mind but…it killed me inside. I don't know how it made me think of that terrible night only three years ago. But there was something in the way she looked at me, in the way her eyes glinted with happiness whenever she was around me that just sent me spiraling into those dreadful memories.

"Elsa?" I look up to see Belle walking towards me. She's in her long, baggy pajama bottoms with a plaid design of our school colors and she's wearing one of my old sweatshirts from when I was in high school.

I remember I gave it to her so she could wear it that day when we were walking across campus with each other last school year. We were just friends at the time, and she had only brought a light windbreaker. She wasn't expecting the weather to dip to ten degrees with a wind chill that made it feel like zero. I wasn't prepared for it either, but I still gave her my hoodie. She was shivering and well…the cold doesn't affect me like it does other people. I can't believe she still has it though.

"Belle…" I can barely get her name out before the tears and sobs overtake me. I see her hurry over to me through blurry eyes and soon I feel her arms around me. "I'm sorry…for…m-making you c-come out here…for me."

"Don't apologize Elsa. You know I'd do anything for you." She kisses me softly on my cheek, and I lean into her embrace and continue to cry into her shoulder. God, she's too good to me. I love her.

I put my arms around her waist and grab tightly onto her as if she's my lifeline…because right now, she kind of is. Belle is the only one besides Kristoff who knows about my parents. I mean yeah, a lot of other people know they died when I was going into my freshman year here at ArendelleU…but they don't know anything other than that. Kristoff and Belle, they know the details, and they know how it's destroyed me. It's a painful thing to talk about, and I'd rather not do it right now.

"Is this about that night?" Belle asks. I nod my head against her shoulder as the tears keep rolling down my cheeks. "Do you…want to - ,"

"No," I cut her off. "I'm sorry…I j-just can't right n-now."

"That's fine. You know I'm here whenever you need me," she says softly.

"I just don't know w-why it happened n-now. Of all the t-times it could've happened. It was s-so sudden. I just kept seeing it and ev-everything was th-there…"

"Hey, shhh," Belle says, giving me another kiss this time on my forehead as she tightens her arms around me.

I can't be like this with anyone else: Weak and vulnerable. But with Belle, I can break down and know she'll always be there to support me. I haven't had an anxiety attack for almost seven months now. I'm not sure how I managed to fight it off at the rink but...it was a tough battle going on inside me. Half of me wanted to lose it right then and there, but the other half pushed through it. It's something that goes hand in hand...with the PTSD. I was doing so well though. I was starting to move on. But there was something in Anna's eyes…her eyes remind me of my mother's. That was it. They instilled that same heartwarming kindness and care that my mother had whenever she looked at me. And now that I know that's what triggered this, Anna's eyes just became so much more amazing and gorgeous to me.

"Want to come back to my room with me?" Belle asks.

"But…your roommate…"

"Violet…she's gone for their volleyball games this weekend," she tells me. "Come on, it'll be fine."

We walk in silence, hand in hand, back to her dorm room. It's quiet in the building, save for the few students still up finishing an assignment or cramming in a couple weeks-worth of studying for a test.

"I'm sorry…you have a game tomorrow. I shouldn't have…called you," I say as she lets me into her room.

"Don't worry about me Elsa. I'll be fine. I have plenty of time to rest tomorrow."

She takes the sweatshirt off, and I do the same with my own shirt. Oh wow, I never got my hoodie back from Anna. Eh, it's fine. She can keep it if she wants…it looks cute on her anyway. I could get used to seeing her wearing it around.

Belle pulls me into her bed next to her, and we lie next to each other. Her arms are around me keeping me close against her, and I'm still struggling to stop my tears and get my breathing back to normal. It's never hit me this hard before; the memory, the images, the pain…the realization.

"You stopped seeing her once you felt you were getting better, didn't you?" I hear Belle ask.

I know who she's talking about. One of my psychology professors, Doctor Maleficent…we all call her Doc Mal for short…she was actually helping me. I talked to her so many times after it happened. She saw me off the record…just student to professor, and we talked. She understood what I was going through, and she always knew what to say to me. She gave me the best advice in terms of helping me to deal with it…the PTSD and the memories. I was taking a couple medications for a while, but I stopped when I started seeing improvement.

"Do you think you'll start seeing her again?"

I nod against Belle's chest and then lift my head so I can meet her eyes. God, she's so beautiful. "I always…felt better after we talked," I say. She pulls me towards her and gently presses her lips to mine. It's soft. It's sweet. It makes me feel safe.

"I think you should see her then," Belle replies once she breaks the kiss. "Whenever I pass her in the hallways she always asks me how you're doing. I know she may seem like someone with a cold heart but…I can tell she's genuinely concerned for your well-being. I always told her you were doing alright and that you were fine…but I never really asked you that to be sure. Elsa…are you okay?"

Right now…and since I'm thinking about it... "No…" I get out. "I'm not okay."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are encouraged.**

**So basically, if you couldn't tell, Elsa is always commenting about Anna's eyes throughout the last few chapters and in this one she figures out why, which is because they remind her of her mom's.**

**Some sexy time in the next chapter, how does that sound?**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Some sexy time at the end of this chapter bc I can ;)**

**I guess now is a good time I can tell you guys to follow me on Tumblr. Link is on my profile page.**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 5

"Come on baby, just give me five minutes."

"For the last time Hans, get the fuck away from me! Get your grimy hands off of me!" I shake his hand off my shoulder. Gosh, he's so gross. Why can't he get it through his thick skull that I'm obviously not interested?

"Wouldn't you rather them be in you?" He smirks.

"If you don't leave me alone I swear I will - ,"

"Oohh…threats…that's kind of a turn on for me. Come on baby, you know you want it." He grabs my waist and tries to pull me back towards him.

"Hey! Get your hands off her!" I hear someone yell.

Hans is spun around and before I can even blink he's falling to the ground, holding his nose, grabbing his crotch, and wincing in pain. I see a boy not much taller than me shaking his hand and looking at Hans with the strongest look of disgust I've ever seen. He has white-blonde hair…if that's even a thing, and light blue eyes that remind me of Elsa's. He has a slim yet athletic build to him, and he's wearing a gray Arendelle Hockey jacket.

"Stay away from her," he growls, and then he turns to me. "Come on Anna. We should get away from him before someone else shows up."

"Uh, okay?" He smiles at me before he starts walking in the opposite direction. I jog a little to catch up to him. "Who are you?"

"Oh…I'm Jack. Uh, Elsa's brother." He holds out his hand and I shake it.

"And how did you know my name?"

"Elsa talks about you a lot," he says. "Whenever she helps me out with school or whatever, she always finds a way to bring you up." He smiles…or smirks, I guess. It's a lopsided grin – I'll go with that – and it's an expression Elsa often makes too.

"Oh, uh…that's uh, cute?" He raises an eyebrow at me. "Sorry…I didn't really know how to respond to that."

"It's fine." He laughs. It's more of a chuckle actually, but it still carries a light air to it the way that Elsa's laugh does.

"So, why did you do that back there?"

"Do you honestly think I'd just let that douchebag put his hands all over you like that? He was harassing you Anna, I couldn't let that happen."

_Elsa would have said the same thing. _

"Yeah well…our parents raised us to respect girls," he says. Oh, I must have said that out loud…whatever.

"That's good though. You and Elsa are both really sweet."

"I'd say I'm sweeter than her," he replies with a light laugh. "Elsa always acts all tough but…as you've seen, I'm assuming, she's actually a real softie."

"A little," I say. "I don't know her that well yet."

"Ah, don't worry. With the way she talks about you, she'll probably open up about some things." I don't respond and instead let out a long sigh. "You really like her don't you?"

_Actually, I love her but… _"Yeah. And I know we've only known each other for a few weeks but, I've never had a connection like this with someone else. Okay wow, that probably sounded creepy and - ,"

"No, I get it," he says cutting me off. He looks at me and smiles somewhat sadly. "She needs more people like you in her life. I mean, she seems content with Kristoff and Belle but…sometimes even they aren't enough, which is weird because Elsa loves Belle, so I would figure she could share everything with her but…she just doesn't."

"When we were skating on Saturday night, there was something about Elsa's eyes that seemed…almost depressed. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I didn't think I should push my luck."

"Oh yeah…that happens to her. And it was good that you didn't ask her about it. That would have caused her to completely shut in on herself. But Anna, if she really trusts you, then she'll tell you. I'm in no position to do that though," he explains. "I know everything about my sister and what's really happening to her when she seems sad…but it's her job to tell you…in her own time too. Continue to spend time with her though. She needs more people who will stay with her."

"I'd never leave her for anything," I say.

Jack stops walking and turns to me, his expression now more serious than it was before. "Wait... You love her don't you?"

Am I really that easy to read? I must be. But…Jack _is _Elsa's brother. He wouldn't tell her if I didn't want him to. He might be the only person I can share any of this with and not worry about it spreading around. I know…I just met him. But he punched out Hans for me and he even shed some light on Elsa's personality for me.

"No point in denying it," I answer. I tuck a strand of loose hair behind my ear, something I do whenever I'm nervous. "How could you tell? Am I really an open book?"

"No," he says. "I'm pretty good at reading certain facial expressions or noticing something in someone's eyes. It's something that comes with having a sister who shuts herself out a lot." He smiles sadly at me, and I can see the hurt in his eyes. "And right now Anna...your eyes have a look filled with love."

"I don't even know how this happened," I say slowly. I'm not great with words, so I need to choose them carefully now so I can get the message across to Jack in the right way. "I've just never met anyone like her. I can sense that she's hurting inside and that she's put up these walls around her to keep people out. I should know...I do that too when it comes to certain things."

Jack's expression moves to one of understanding and compassion. His eyes soften a bit as he opens his mouth to speak. "Look…I know Elsa is dating Belle but…they haven't been on the best terms with each other these last couple days. I don't know why, but they aren't spending as much time with each other, and like I said before, Elsa talks about you more now.

"I wouldn't go as far to say that she's falling for you too yet. I don't know…maybe she is. But you need to get closer to her. You need her to open up to you. I love Elsa, but sometimes she doesn't tell me things. I'm her brother and she can't do that! It makes me frustrated, and I don't want that happening to you Anna. You seem like a nice girl, you are very beautiful, and I can tell Elsa really likes you. I just don't want either of you getting hurt."

"I'd never hurt her," I respond.

"That's good," he says with a slight nod of his head. "Well…I'm off to class. I'll see you around."

"Yeah uh…bye!" I wave to him as he walks off towards one of our science buildings.

Do their parents have any idea of what amazing kids they have? I mean seriously. They're kind, polite, respectful, smart, funny, athletic…and they seem protective of each other. Jack spoke so knowingly about Elsa, and I could tell he really cares about her.

I enter my class with a smile on my face. Sven comes over to me. I actually never talked to him…or met him for that matter before we were paired up for this project we're doing. He's shy and quiet, but really nice nonetheless.

His parents are originally from Egypt, so he has a somewhat Middle Eastern look to him. They moved to Sweden when he was still a baby because of some big time job his father was offered. They lived there until he was thirteen, and then they moved to New York. His dad is now at an even bigger job, working for some billion dollar company in Manhattan.

"Hello Anna," he says as he takes a seat next to me. "How are you?"

_That's a big question. _"I'm doing pretty well, thanks. What about you?"

"Great actually." He smiles…a guy of few words. I like it. "So, let's get to work."

"Yeah, absolutely." I take out the binder that holds all the things for our project. I don't know why he entrusted this to me, because I usually end up misplacing or losing important stuff like this. But whatever, maybe he trusts me enough. That's good. Sometimes it can get tiring when I'm the only one who does the trusting…

_NEW_

It's been almost a week since my breakdown. Okay…half breakdown. If we're basing it off of that time in high school then yes, it was definitely a half breakdown. I can tell you about my _full _breakdown another time. Anyway, it's now Friday, and I still haven't gone to see Doctor Maleficent yet. I don't know why. This is kind of a big deal for me, especially since our first home game is tomorrow. I don't think I should be going on the ice emotionally unstable. Yeah, probably not the best idea.

I've also been spending a lot more time with Anna. We've gone out a few times for lunch, and I can't help the growing affection I feel for her every time I see her. Even though we aren't together, I still feel as though I'm cheating on Belle in some way. It pains me to say it, but it's the truth.

Now that Belle's soccer season is picking up – they won their first game, and she scored the game winning goal, and my hockey season is about to start, I'm not sure how well our relationship will work. I'll be training and practicing every day, and after that it's right back to my dorm because I need to keep my grades up during the season. Then we're away most weekends. So is she. The teams travel a lot, so there goes our time together once the week is over. We've already fought twice in the last three days, and it was over stupid stuff too.

And honestly, Belle is really serious about her grades too, so I'm not sure how often either of us would be willing to sacrifice study and work time to go on dates and whatnot. Maybe we could study together or something like that? I just don't want us to grow apart. I want to be with her because, well…I love her.

But I guess I can think about all of that when the situation actually happens. Now I'm walking out of one of my Psych. classes with Anna. She's majoring in Sports Medicine, and her class happened to be a few rooms down from mine in a smaller lecture hall.

Anyway, she's been telling me how Hans has been trying to hit on her and all this other stuff. It makes me sick to think he's looking at her like she's nothing but a sex object. No man should treat women like that. It's disrespectful and repulsive. I'd never do that to Belle…or Anna…or any girl for that matter.

"How gross is he, am I right?"

"He's the worst person I've ever met," I say back. "What does he do when you brush him off?"

"He says dumb stuff like 'oh, playing hard to get huh?' or 'that's fine, I know you want it.'"

"Whoa…he _did not _say that last one to you." Anger instantly flares in me. No matter who's saying it, I don't care how old they are, what gender they are, what their sexual preferences are…_no one_ should say that to someone else. _'I know you want it.' _God, it's like they're already raping them. It's sick. I hate that phrase. It shows complete disregard for someone's opinion.

"He did…" I see a hint of sadness flash across her eyes, and my anger burns even stronger. She's sad when she thinks about him! That bastard. I swear, the next time I see him, it won't be pretty. I can take any insult he throws at me…but at Anna? No. I won't allow that.

I brush the subject off my mind for a moment as I stop in front of Doctor Maleficent's room. If I don't do this now then I never will.

"Hey Anna…I'm gonna talk to Doc Mal for a sec. I'll see you tomorrow at my game right?"

"Of course! Wouldn't miss it for anything!" she exclaims, and I swear she just smiled the brightest smile I've ever seen. Is she trying to make my heart melt or am I just falling for her on my own?

"Alright, awesome. Uh…see you tomorrow then!" I give her a small wave as she heads away from me and out of the lecture hall building.

"Who's that?"

I'd know that dry voice anywhere.

"Doc Mal…uh, hey!" I mentally face palm myself for already sounding like an idiot in front of her. "And uh, that's Anna. She's a freshman. We're um…pretty good friends."

"I see. Is there a reason you're standing in front of my room looking after her like a love struck idiot, or are you just lost?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me. Jeez, how did I manage to tell this woman my darkest thoughts at one point?

"Oh yeah um…I uh, wanted to know if I could maybe…talk to you?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Belle had mentioned you weren't doing so well last week," she says, running her hand through her dark brown hair. Gosh, Belle told her in advance. I swear, that girl is too good for me. Doc Mal turns to face me, and I think she's smiling at me. I don't know. I can never really tell with her. She's so emotionless all the time but…yeah, I just can't tell.

"I had been meaning to stop by earlier but - ,"

"No need to explain yourself dear. I understand that you get caught up in school a lot."

"Yes, and - ,"

"And you've been distracted by a certain redhead girl, I'm assuming?"

"H-how did you know that?" I swear this lady can read my mind.

"Well…she asked me not to tell you, but I feel like you deserve to know. Anyway, Aurora has told me that you two have become quite close over the last couple weeks. She says Anna talks about you all the time," she answers.

Well now I'm going to have to find out what Aurora said. That girl…she's a stinker. But wait, why was she even talking to Doc Mal anyway? From everything I've seen, they seem to hate each other. Huh…maybe that's changing.

"She's right," I say. No point in denying anything. "We're close. I mean…not super close. Like, I haven't told her anything about my past but…we've gotten to know each other on a friend level."

"Hm," Doc Mal grunts. Damn, I hate when she does that. I never know if she's approving or disapproving or if she's angry at something. I just…can't, with this woman. "Well, you know you can come talk to me whenever you feel," she continues.

"Can we talk now?" I blurt out. "I just really need to get something of my chest right now." Okay, maybe not the best decision. That was her last class for the day. She probably doesn't want to –

"Of course," she says. Oh…well, okay then. She opens the door to her room and lets me in. I make my way to the back where her office is and take a seat in one of the big, comfy, black leather chairs.

I always sat in this chair whenever I talked to her. I couldn't sit anywhere else despite her efforts. It calmed me for some reason. And then with that came the growing insistence that I have a pen in my hand as well. I clicked it once every five minutes during our sessions. It wasn't like I wanted to. I just _had _to. This was something that led her to believe I had OCD. And well…she was right.

I'll say this now: I love my parents, but sometimes they were the worst at noticing things. I went my whole life without being diagnosed and possibly being put on medications for it. I'm not sure if it got worse as time passed…it might have just stayed the same. But every time I thought back on it, I have no clue how they didn't see it in me.

"So," Doc Mal says once she enters the room, "this is about what happened at the beginning of the week yes?" She hands me a pen. I nod and she takes a seat across from me. "Well…how are you feeling right now…at this moment?"

_Aside from the constant, painful realization that my parents are dead and that they're never coming back... _"Okay, I guess. It's always in the back of my mind though."

"Do you know what triggered it?"

"Yes." I run a hand through my bangs to slick them back a little and take a deep breath before continuing. "I was at the free skate…with Anna. And she fell. She took me down with her. Anyway, I helped her up…and it was the first time I ever really saw her eyes fully and clearly. Ya know? Like, the first instance I looked into them for a longer period of time. And they just…reminded me so much…of mom's."

I see Doc Mal's expression soften a little as she sits forward in her chair. I click the pen. "I won't ask about the kinds of images that came to your mind since we're both familiar with what happens but…did you feel any differently about Anna? I remember you telling me once that if things reminded you of that then you would - ,"

"No," I say shortly cutting her off. "I remember that too. But with Anna… I knew I should have felt afraid or I should have been turning away from her, but I just _couldn't. _She became so much more beautiful to me."

"Tell me about her," Doc Mal says.

"Wait, what?"

"Tell me about Anna. You rarely mention anyone when we talk, so I know if she generated this kind of reaction from you then she must be important."

"Yeah um...she is important...to me," I get out. "We met the first day of classes. She was going to her freshman orientation and we literally ran into each other. I didn't think much of it at first...I just thought she was awkward, but in a cute way. It wasn't until we met again in the library that I felt more of an attraction to her since I got a better look at her then.

"She was really cute. She always is, now that I'm thinking about it. She's super sweet too...just a really kind girl. She boxes so...I don't really know why I said that, but since you said to tell you about her I thought I might as well just put that out there. And despite her clumsiness and awkwardness she seems pretty smart. Like...she's not an airhead, ya know?"

Doc Mal simply nods before answering me. "She seems like a wonderful person...good for you too. And...how do you feel when you're around her?"

_You mean, aside from the fact that I'm totally falling for this girl?... _"Safe," I answer. A click of the pen follows.

Doc Mal hates whenever I don't elaborate on my thoughts. I don't blame her. I mean, everything I say in here is confidential and private, and I trust her. That's kind of weird, considering there are only three other people in this entire world I trust with my life: Jack, Kristoff, and Belle...and now a fourth person: Anna.

She raises and eyebrow at me, and I know that's her way of asking me to explain what I mean. I take a deep breath and sort through my thoughts, because honestly, even _I _don't completely know what I meant by that.

"Safe," I repeat. "It's like, when I'm with her, no harm can come to me. And I'll always come back to it but...I feel like she can tell when something is bothering me or when I'm upset, and I think that's because she probably had something happen to her when she was younger too. Maybe not as traumatizing as what I experienced, but something that made her good at toughing through the pain and made her aware of when someone else is doing to same thing too."

"And this gives you a feeling of safety?" There's another way she gets me to elaborate even more on what I already elaborated on...another way for me to share all my feelings.

"Yeah... I've never - never had that with anyone else," I answer. _Not even Belle..._

"I see. As we've discussed before, things that remind you of that day frighten you and you usually turn away from them. But, that wasn't the case with Anna. So, do you know how you were able…to fight off the anxiety?"

"Honestly…I have no idea. I knew that nearly all of those students in the arena had seen me have an attack before but…there was something in Anna's expression. I guess since her eyes reminded me of mom's…I had this strength in me. Mom never wanted to see me hurt or cry. I saw that same look on Anna's face. It was almost as if she knew something was bothering me," I tell her. "You always told me that there was strength to be found in my weaknesses. And I guess…Anna was both in that moment."

Doc Mal smiles at me, and this time I can tell because it reaches her eyes. She's always been trying to help me notice my strengths. I can never recognize them though. I'm so self-deprecating. I feel like all I do is pull people into my problems, and all my thoughts and feelings just consume me and I can't fight back against them because I'm too weak. I click the pen.

I'm always hesitant to trust people with these things, but the way Anna looked at me…I just felt this connection with her. I know that might have sounded weird but it's true. And when our eyes met, and I mean _really _met, it was like the world stopped and it was just us. It felt as if everything in my life was okay. I was safe with Anna. She was the only one who could protect me from the things that were trying to destroy me.

And now that I'm thinking about it…I'm falling completely and hopelessly in love with Anna.

No. This isn't happening! Why am I feeling this way for her?

"Uh…Doc Mal…is it possible to love two people at the same time?" I ask suddenly. It's been bothering me from the moment I met Anna. I just felt this pull towards her, and I couldn't help it. Every time we talked the pull would get stronger and stronger, and it almost got me to the point where I was fighting the urge to kiss her at the free skate.

"Well yes it is. But with the love I'm assuming you're talking about…then it is not," she answers. "Why? Do you?"

"I think so…" I say quietly. I tug the hem of my purple v-neck and move slightly in the chair. I always get a little uncomfortable whenever I talk about things like this.

It's a weird thing…love. It's so powerful and strange, and it makes people do things they normally wouldn't do. Whether those decisions are good or bad…they're all for love. And I hate it. I hate that the feeling of love itself is making me question my _own _love for Belle. I hate that love is pulling me towards Anna. I hate that love is going to break someone's heart one way or another…and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Then one is not pure…it's not true," she replies. "And I'll tell you why: If you love two people with the love you're talking about, nothing good will come of it. The only thing that will happen is all three of you will end up getting hurt."

_Damn it Doc, why do you always have to be right? _I click the pen again.

I look up at the clock and realize that hockey practice starts in forty minutes. I need to head over to the rink. "Doc Mal…I should get going. Practice starts soon. Um…thank you though," I say as I stand up.

"Anytime you want to talk, I'm here," she answers. She walks with me out of her room, and before we head our separate ways I stop and turn to her.

"Uh, how do I know?" I ask. She raises an eyebrow at me. "Which person I truly love?"

"Oh…well, let me ask you this: You really love her don't you? You don't have to tell me, and I didn't even need to say a name, but she came to your mind immediately." And with that she turns away and heads out the front doors of the lecture hall.

_Yes Doc, you're right again…I do really love Anna._

* * *

"_Falling slowly…" _Why am I listening to this song?

"_Eyes that know me…" _Well, she probably can tell when something is bothering me in a split second. Those gorgeous teal blue orbs, always staring back at me as if she's promising me right then and there that she'd never let anything or anyone hurt me.

"_And I can't go back…" _Nope…I definitely can't turn away from this now.

I let out a loud groan and somewhat angrily tap my phone screen to change the song. I don't need to listen to emotional songs like _Falling Slowly _right now.

No…no, no, no, no, no…I _cannot _be falling for Anna! But Doc Mal was right: I can't love two people like this at the same time. It'll only hurt all of us in the end. Why couldn't all this stress wait until _after _tomorrow to happen? You know, once I'm done playing stellar in our first game of the season. Yeah, after that would be an appropriate time for this.

"Hey…you alright?" I hear Belle ask. We promised each other we would hang out tonight no matter what. We're both really trying to work around our busy schedules to make time for one another. I mean...we love each other, that's what we should do.

"Yeah. I'm just exhausted. Practice was brutal today, and school is killing me already," I say. I'm looking forward to our game tomorrow. It's against one of our rivals, Weselton College, and a ton of people are coming to it. They're a good, strong team. It should be a great game.

"Maybe you should take a break then," she suggests. "I mean, you've been working for more than a solid hour now."

"And you're not?"

"No, I'm reading a book," she answers.

"You're always reading," I deadpan. She laughs, but now it doesn't have the same effect on me like Anna's laugh does. But I'm not in love with Anna. No. Definitely not. I'm in love with a gorgeous brunette who is sitting on her bed reading a book right now. She looks so adorable in her glasses too. They're kind of like mine, except their black rim is a little thinner.

But when she kisses me…yeah, that still has the same effect. I don't know when this happened – I must have been really distracted, but now she's straddling me on the desk chair and her glasses have been carelessly discarded onto the floor somewhere. Fuck, this is hot.

I feel her lips on mine as she drapes her arms lazily over my shoulders, and her tongue traces my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I quickly grant to her. I can't help the small moan - more of a growl actually - that I let out the moment our tongues meet. Her lips are so intoxicating. They always make me want more and more of her. My hands find their way to her waist, and I push her forward a bit so our bodies are flush against each other. I silently thank the Heavens that her roommate had a late volleyball game tonight.

She rocks her hips slowly against me, sending a jolt of arousal through my body, and I feel myself harden at the contact. She moves her lips from mine over to my jaw before she kisses down the length of my neck. She stops to suck and nip at my pulse point, causing my grip on her waist to tighten as the arousal grows stronger inside me, and I feel her hands move off my shoulders and start inching their way down to the waistline of my jeans. She unbuttons them.

"Belle…" I say, still slightly short of breath. "What are you - ..." She silences me by placing a finger over my lips.

"Mm babe, I'm sticking to our promise. Just relax and enjoy this," she says softly into my ear before nipping it playfully. God, is it possible for me to be even more turned on right now? She pulls away slightly, and her hazel eyes that are always so charming now look extremely seductive as she bites her lower lip and smirks at me. Damn, that look is enough to send me over the edge.

She kisses down my neck again and over my collarbone as she starts sliding my jeans down. I help her out and quickly pull them off the rest of the way and toss them aside. And without wasting anymore time, Belle slips her hand beneath the fabric of my boxers and presses her hand onto my hard shaft causing me to let out a small moan. She pulls my boxers off completely and then wraps her hand around my erect cock. Holy god... Is this real life? Fucking shit that feels so good and –

"Ah…fuck," I moan as she starts to slowly pump up and down my whole length.

"Nngh, babe you're so hard," she says grazing her teeth along my collarbone. "How big are you anyway? Eight?"

"Actually – ah! – I'm n-nine…fuck!" I get out as she pumps at a faster pace. She could probably get me off with just her hand…but she had better ideas.

Belle slides off my lap and kneels in between my legs. Holy fuck this is seriously happening. "Mm…I can't wait for the day when this goes inside me," she purrs, running her hand along my whole length. "You're so big, so thick…you'd probably have me screaming your name all night." Fuck, when did Belle learn to talk like this? I'd normally be opposed to her doing this but...fuck, it just feels _so _good. I really just want to –

"Belle…fuck!" I moan as she runs her tongue along the bottom of my shaft.

She makes her way up my entire cock before she takes the tip, already dripping with pre cum, into her mouth. She takes as much of my length as she can and continues to pump at my shaft, twisting and pulling her hand every so often, which only builds the pressure inside me with each passing second.

I tangle one of my hands in her thick brown hair while the other grips onto the arm rest of the chair. Belle's lips slide effortlessly over my cock as she starts bobbing her head up down, taking in more of me every time her mouth moves back down. Fuck, I can't believe Belle is actually blowing me right now. Holy fuck this is so amazing.

"Ah…Belle. God…that feels so – nngh! – fucking good!"

"Mhmm, and you taste so good Elsa," she replies. She plants small kisses down my entire length, going all the way down to my balls before she kisses her way back up. Then she starts to pump my shaft at a fast, steady pace again, and she circles the tip of my cock with her tongue a few times before she closes her lips around it. Yeah…I was done for once she did that.

"Ahh…oh my God…_fuck_!" I swear I'm seeing stars right now. This isn't like any of the other times I jacked off and made myself cum to nothing but my thoughts. This is a million bajillion times better. I moan Belle's name loudly, and with one last twist of her hand, one last flick of her tongue, I let myself cum into her waiting mouth. I shoot load after load, and my hand remains tangled in Belle's hair, keeping her mouth on my cock, making sure she swallows every last bit of it. Christ that's fucking sexy.

I lean back in the chair, breathing heavily as I come down from that insanely pleasurable high and try to figure out how Belle went from reading a book one moment to sucking me off the next. I'm not complaining though, because it felt so fucking amazing. But man, I am wiped out from that. If she can do that to me now, I can only imagine what sex will be like with her. Man…holy shit… I pull her towards me by the neckline of her shirt and press our lips together. I can taste myself on her lips, but God it's just so sexy I don't even care.

"That was amazing," I mumble against her lips. I feel her smile into the kiss.

"I'm sure it was," she says back. "You came so hard I didn't think I'd be able to take all of it at first."

"See what you do to me?"

"I'm sure you could do more to me," she says, her tone low and husky…and fuck that's hot.

She hands me my boxers and kisses me again. Once I slip them back on she pulls me over to her bed and somehow I end up on top of her. I take my own glasses off and set them on her nightstand.

"You want me to stay?" I ask, our foreheads pressing together and our breaths mixing as one from our close proximity.

"I'd like it if you did," she answers, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

I roll off of her and undo my braid, letting my hair fall loose as I lie down next to her. She snuggles into my side, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head on my shoulder in the process.

"You're so gorgeous with your hair down," she says.

"And you're gorgeous all the time."

"Even when I'm sucking your cock?"

"Yes…I could get used to that." She lets out a small giggle and kisses me on my cheek.

"Hm…well, maybe I can help you relax after this weekend?" She winks at me and smirks seductively.

"Or maybe tomorrow can be your turn to relax?" I return her seductive smirk and give her a small kiss on her lips.

"I'm sure I'd enjoy that... Then I guess we'll be having some more fun in the next couple days. Goodnight Elsa. I love you," she says.

"I love you too Belle."

Wait, why isn't that phrase having the same effect on me now? And why am I being such an idiot? Belle just gave me a blowjob for fucks sake and I can't even truly feel it now when I tell her I love her. What's wrong with me?

I need to get this under control. Anna is just a friend. I like her...but as a _friend. _Belle is my girlfriend, and _I love her. _But...wait, that doesn't help anything. When Doc Mal asked me if I 'really love her,' she wasn't even talking about anyone in specific. She didn't say either Belle's or Anna's name. It was just a question. Yet, even though I knew the answer should have been Belle...Anna was the only person who came into my mind.

I can't hurt Belle like this though. She's so sweet and amazing, and she's such a gorgeous person. I'm supposed to be in love with her. Right. Right? I know she loves me...to the ends of the universe and back too.

Agh, I can't take this. Why is love so confusing? I need to talk to Doc Mal about this again. This is so frustrating.

Belle is in love with me and I can tell Anna is falling for me too... And yet, the only heart that's breaking right now is mine.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are encouraged. I love to hear what you guys think of the story.**

**Sexy time in this chapter... I tried my best with it, considering I'm such a lesbian so, dicks aren't my thing...yeah, anyway, there won't be any more of that smutty kind of stuff for a little bit. For now it'll be more fluff and Elsa and Anna being adorkable together...also some emotions are coming so yeah, heads up.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Kind of a longer chapter here...enjoy :)**

**By the way...follow me on Instagram if you want: yup . its . elsa (you'd obviously leave out the spaces in between the words and periods xD)**

* * *

Chapter 6

"Wake up sleepyhead," Belle says.

"I don't wanna," I whine. I roll over and bury my face into one of the pillows on the bed.

"I will never understand how you're so lazy. Get up Elsa…you have your first game today."

"Yeah but…that's not until…tonight…means I can sleep in," I mutter.

I feel her hands lock around my ankles, and before I can even react she pulls me out of the bed and lets me fall onto the floor. I guess you could say that woke me up.

"Fuck you," I say with a playful tone in my voice as I push myself off the floor. I give her a small kiss once I turn around and then head over to her drawer and pull out a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain white v-neck shirt. Yeah…I keep a few pairs of my own clothes in Belle's room considering I do end up spending a lot of nights with her. Not as often now though but still…there was no way I was going back to my own room after last night happened.

I change quickly into the clothes and turn to face my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. She's wearing her Sperry's and some tighter fitting black jeans along with a white and gray flannel. The sleeves are rolled up to her elbows, and she has a white shirt underneath it.

"How come you always manage to look so nice and I literally look like I was just attacked by a bear," I say.

"Hey…sometimes you do put some effort into the way you look." I reach around her and grab my glasses off of her nightstand and shove them onto my face.

"Yeah but…right now…"

"Yeah, right now you actually look like you just woke up from a night of intense, rough sex with me," she replies calmly.

"Hm…you wish," I say, shooting her a smug grin.

"Don't give me that look Elsa," she responds, tying her hair back into its usual loose ponytail. "Just remember I sucked you off last night."

"Mhmm, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't get me horny right now." I busy myself with combing through my tangled mess of hair as I try to distract myself from thinking about last night. I mean, it was just…wow. I've never experienced anything like that before. It just sort of…happened, and I'm not opposed to something like that happening again because holy god did it feel amazing.

"I'll try." She winks at me as I slip my Sperry's on. "Hey, my class starts in thirty minutes but…I can still come to breakfast with you if you want."

"Nah it's okay. Go to class."

"You sure?"

"Yes…positive! I'll probably take an hour anyway!" I exclaim as we walk out of her room. Her class is in the opposite direction of the dining hall, and once we reach the entrance of her dorm building she gives me a small kiss on my cheek.

"I'll see you tonight then?"

"Absolutely. I'm really nervous but…super excited too," I say.

"You'll play great Elsa. You always do."

We head our separate ways, and I actually go back to my room to change into some nicer clothes. Mulan isn't in the room, which is kind of a good thing because I don't really think I could handle her asking me about what I did with Belle last night at the moment. I'm too tired for that shit.

I throw on a pair of denim jeans and grab my hockey jacket just in case it gets a little chilly later today. Then I take my phone in my hand and pull the charger out of it. I'm honestly shocked I didn't have it with me last night. Surprisingly, there's a text from Anna. I remember the day I gave her my number and she just about died right on the spot.

"_Hey, you wanna grab some lunch before your game?" _it read.

"_I can't eat before my games, but if you'd like to go out then I'm up for whatever you want." _I hit the send button and then head back out of my room.

I'm not sure if she has a class right now or if she's even willing to talk today, but I really want to see Doc Mal again. Our talk yesterday helped a lot, but at the same time I felt even more emotional and confused once I left. Okay, maybe not confused but…stuck? At a crossroads? I'm not really sure what the right expression for it is. I just need a little more advice. My phone buzzes with a text from Anna.

"_Okay…then maybe we can just go to Starbucks or something? I don't wanna eat and pig out on something while you just sit there and do nothing." _

I smile as I look at my phone screen. I probably look like an idiot right now. Eh, whatever…Anna can have that effect on me.

"_I wouldn't be doing nothing…I'd be watching you pig out on food haha. But Starbucks sounds fine. When should I meet you?" _She responds almost immediately after my text was sent.

"_2 sound okay?"_

I smile again and send back a quick '_sure_' before I enter the large lecture hall building where Doc Mal's room is. I'm so glad I don't have a class today. Waking up on a Saturday to learn…yuck. Definitely not my thing.

I open the door to Doc Mal's room, and luckily she doesn't have a class right now.

"Doc?" I call out. Within a few seconds I see her slender figure come through the door frame of her office.

"Elsa…I'm surprised to see you two days in a row," she says.

"Yeah, well…there's something I need to ask you. Well…two things actually," I reply as I walk into her office. "The first is about what you said to me yesterday."

"I'm assuming you came up with an answer to that question?"

"Yeah I do and, well, I'm really confused." I let out a nervous laugh as I grab a pen off of her desk and sit in my usual black leather chair. There's a stack of papers on her desk…she must be grading them. One of those papers is mine. Hopefully I'll get an A on it. I usually do though. I get A's in all my classes actually. I guess that's why this school gave me a scholarship despite the fact that my dad owned part of a multi-billion dollar company. And I guess me being unreal at ice hockey had something to do with it too.

"I had a feeling you would be. Tell me exactly what's bothering you."

"I mean, I'm dating Belle and…my mind keeps telling me I love with her, and that I'm supposed to be _in _love with her. But then my heart is pulling me towards Anna. There's just this connection and longing to be with her that I've never felt before. And she's growing on me even more now. Even when I'm with Belle sometimes, Anna still comes to my mind.

"Don't get me wrong, I do love Belle. It's just that now, I don't think it's the kind of love I thought it was at first. Things are different." _Yeah, she gave me a blowjob last night. _Ha, that would be an interesting conversation with Doc Mal. Yeah…I'm not gonna go there. "We haven't been spending as much time together, and some of that is because of our seasons picking up and us getting more work. But still…it's almost like we aren't even _trying _to spend time with each other. Anna though…if I say I can't hang out one day, she'll ask about another day instead. Belle doesn't do that. Ugh…this is all just so hard." I click the pen.

"Well…no one said life is easy," Doc Mal answers. "And sometimes we don't always make the right decisions, and whatever the outcome of those decisions is can sometimes hurt ourselves as well as those around us, even people we care about."

"I just wish there was a way where this could work out," I say softly, tears threatening to escape my eyes. What is this? I rarely cry…unless of course I'm having an anxiety, traumatic, depressive, suicidal breakdown. I cry during those moments…but talking to my therapist? This is weird. See how badly things can affect me sometimes?

"You know I never sugarcoat anything with you Elsa…but there isn't a way for that to happen. I always think that we should follow what our heart tells us. The mind can be persuaded and corrupted, but the heart…it knows what it wants and nothing can steer it away from its choice," Doc Mal tells me.

"I don't want to hurt Belle though. I'd feel so terribly about myself after." Another click of the pen.

"Belle is a sweet girl Elsa…I'm sure she'll understand. However, leaving her and going right to Anna would not be a good decision. You need to get to know this girl on a more emotional level before you even think about having a relationship with her. I'm only saying this because of how you are Elsa. You are someone who has been through many tough times and had an extremely traumatic experience only a few years ago.

"You need someone who will help you and understand you just like Belle has done. I'm sure Anna will put the same amount of commitment towards you though, if not more. Trust me on this Elsa. If you like Anna so much…if you _love _her like you say you do, then you need to talk to her. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to jump right into things with each other. It wouldn't be fair to Belle either.

"If you went to Anna right away, Belle would feel as if you had been harboring these feelings while you two were still dating. And I know you have since you've told me, but if you wait a little then you can decide if Anna is someone you truly want to be with." A click of the pen follows.

God, why does this woman know exactly what to say to me? It's like every time I talk to her my life actually becomes easier to understand. And that's really saying something, considering my life is actually a living hell. I mean, it's all fine and dandy most of the time when I'm here at ArendelleU, but whenever Jack and I go home… It's hard then…

"Yeah…yeah, you're right. Thanks Doc. You – you really don't know how much this means to me. I've been trying so hard to put myself back together after the accident and it's been _so, so _hard but…you're really helping me. I appreciate it." I smile at her, and she returns it, her greenish-gold eyes lighting up with the tugging of her lips into a sort of lopsided grin.

"I'm always glad to help you whenever you need it Elsa, you know that. It's rare to see someone go through what you have and handle it fairly well," she says.

"Right…that also brings me to the other thing I wanted to tell you: I want to visit them."

I can tell she's shocked by my statement. I too was caught a little off guard by how straight forward I was with it.

"You haven't been back there since their funerals right?" she asks.

"Right. I just…now that I'm reminded of Mom whenever I look into Anna's eyes, I feel like I at least owe them that much…so they know I still care, that I haven't forgotten."

"I understand, but are you sure that it's a good decision? For you, I mean."

"I think it would be," I answer evenly…confidently, and then I click the pen.

"Are you going to bring - ,"

"No…this is something I need to do on my own. I was thinking about it a couple nights ago, as well as the night when I had an attack, and I think this could be a way for me to help myself move on. It won't be much, and I know it won't get rid of my pain, but at least it's a start."

"And you trust yourself enough not to…react in a certain way again?"

I know what she's talking about: After my parent's funeral. I had no one at the time except Jack…and he was an emotional wreck too. But I had it worse than he did…God, did I have it so much worse. And I was so caught up in all my pain and guilt that I had no idea what I was even doing until it was almost too late. Thank God that Jack was still in part of his right mind that he was able to call 9-1-1 when he did.

I unconsciously roll my thumb over my left wrist. I do the same with my right wrist immediately after…

"I know I can do this Doc," I say. "I _need _to do this. If I don't, then I'll never be able to start moving on. This is the first step for me in that process. It's important. I can do it."

"Good…I just wanted to make sure you had full confidence in yourself before you tried anything. Personally, I agree with you. I think it will be good for you," she replies.

"Me too. Um…thanks again. I should get going though. I uh, have lunch with um…Anna…in thirty minutes." There's one last click of the pen before I set it back on her desk.

"Anytime Elsa," she says on our way out of the lecture building.

* * *

My iced coffee seems to vanish five seconds after the Starbucks lady hands it to me. I can't help it. I just get so nervous before my games, not to mention it's become a habit for me to drink coffee before them. I know, nearly every coach I've talked to has told me it's not a good idea, that my energy would drain faster, that I should eat something instead. But this habit started my freshman year of high school. And now, it's something that I _have _to do.

My left foot is shaking under the table, also something that happens when I'm nervous, and I'm pretty sure my heart is beating out of my chest right now…the nerves again, and the fact that Anna is sitting across from me probably has something to do with it too.

"Hey, are you okay?" Anna asks as we take a seat at a booth in the far right corner of the Starbucks.

"Yeah…fine. It's just first game nerves and all…I'm actually this way before every game but…ya know…"

Okay I lied, my iced coffee is only halfway finished right now.

"I know the feeling. I'm super jittery before one of my matches too," she says.

"When is your first one?"

"Two weeks," she answers. "It's a tournament kind of thing. Ya know, a bunch of schools compete, so I could be seeing up to four matches depending on how well I do."

"Oh wow…where is it? Maybe I can make it to one."

"It's actually being held at Westleton…and that's only like, three hours from here."

"Yeah, that's not too far. I'll see if I can come. We might be away that weekend though," I say.

"It's okay if you can't come. I'm not asking you to drive three hours just to watch me box. I think we have a home tourney this year, so you should just come to that one." She smiles one of her Killer smiles at me. The reason I call it a Killer is because it actually does kill me…and I'm not exaggerating either.

It's kind of like she's deciding whether or not she's smiling _too _much, so she ends up looking like she's caught in between a full smile and a lopsided grin…and it makes my heart melt every time. It's adorable. _She's_ adorable.

_NEW_

How is it possible for me to be sitting in Starbucks right now with the most beautiful girl on the planet? Seriously, how did this happen? Why is she still my friend? Why does she like me so much? Why am I so in love with her?

To be honest, Elsa kind of looks like a sad puppy right now. The rest of her body language doesn't really give off any indication that she's nervous, but her deep blue eyes shining through those black rimmed glasses give it all away. Maybe other people can't tell, but I certainly can. Right now, when I look at her eyes, I get the feelings there's some huge internal struggle going on. Like, she's deciding whether or not she should tell me something or whether or not she should do something.

I wish I knew though, what was bothering her, and then maybe I could help her.

"Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?" I find myself asking.

"Uh…well, I'm going somewhere," she answers. Before I can ask her where, she continues. "I'd rather…not say. I'm sorry. It's just…not something I'm good with talking about openly yet."

"It's okay. I was just asking because, I don't know…maybe you'd wanna hang out again?" _Wow…smooth Anna…real smooth. You're talking to one of the most talented goaltenders in the world here, not Rapunzel…_

"I'd love to." She gives me a small smile and her eyes instantly light up. Is there like, a limit as to how far in love you can fall for someone? Because, I'm pretty sure I've exceeded that limit.

"Awesome! Maybe you can come to my room? Rapunzel wants to meet you…well, I mean, I've told her about you so…she just wants to see what you're like and wow okay, I'm just gonna shut up now because that did not come out how I wanted it to."

She laughs softly, and her lips pull up into something between a grin and a smile. It's adorable. Wow. Like, can she get any more perfect? I mean, how could someone _not _love her face? It still appalls me that there are people at this school who hate Elsa. I've figured out who they are too: The football team, the cheerleaders, and most of the volleyball team. There are also some girls who dislike her simply because she wouldn't hook up with them.

"It's fine…just tell me when you want me to come over," Elsa says.

"Yeah sure!" I really hate this: Not being able to know what to say around her. I mean, both of us have gotten better at not stumbling over our words, but it's a moment like this that usually has us struggling.

I don't even know what it is… How hard can it be to talk to a friend? Well, in my case, a friend that I'm head over heels in love with. But still, I think both of us should be able to act a little more normal around each other. Right? I mean, I'm super awkward, but I think Elsa can exceed my amount of awkwardness at some moments. But that only makes her more charming anyway.

Oh wow…I'm a lost cause with this girl. And it sucks because I know my heart is going to break anyway. Elsa loves Belle. I see it every day. I don't know how I can stop my feelings for Elsa though. I mean, how can one person stop what feels like a giant avalanche bearing down on them? I guess I just have to let myself be buried by all of it and hope to God someone pulls me out.

_NEW_

"Elsaaaa…looking sharp as always," Mulan says as I finish buttoning my shirt.

It's here…it's finally here. Our first game. Holy shit, this is so exciting, and amazing…and nerve wracking. I just hope I play well. I mean, not saying that I'm bad…because I'm not. I'm one of the best goalies in the nation, and probably even the world. Okay, that sounded kind of cocky, but it's true.

"Please, it's not even that fancy," I reply.

We have somewhat of a dress code for how we're supposed to show up to our games. I mean, this is college hockey, Division One no less…everyone takes it seriously. Anyway, we have a casual dress code for our games. It's not much really. I just wear either nice khakis or black slacks with a black button down shirt. Tonight I'm wearing the khakis. I tuck my shirt in and wear a leather belt because well…I need to make myself look a little presentable.

My hair is in its usual braid, my contacts are in, and I'm ready to go. I slip on my Sperry's because, let's be honest, those shoes can go with pretty much any outfit, and then I head out of the room with Mulan. She looks nice too. Her hair is in a tight bun and she's wearing gray chinos with a black polo shirt. We look pretty classy.

"Ya know…I can't believe that this is the car you chose to bring here," Mulan says. She runs her hand along the black paint of my Subaru Outback…I know, gay right?

"Hey, it holds Jack's hockey stuff along with my own. I needed a bigger car for when we go home over breaks," I answer as I hop into the driver's seat. We don't walk to the arena on game days. Why would we do that in nice clothes? I insisted that we were driving around campus, and a few other girls do it too.

"Still though…a Subaru?"

I roll my eyes and pull out of the parking lot in front of our dorm building. "Well there wasn't a chance I was gonna bring a Rolls here. I wouldn't risk damaging her for the life of me."

"It's funny how it has a gender too," Mulan says. She laughs and looks over at me. "I'm just messing with you Els! I just think it would be awesome for you to pull up in that one day."

"Hm…I'm sure everyone would love to see that. Jack wants the Aventador Roadster," I reply as I turn into the ice arena parking lot. I head to the back of the arena where parking is reserved for hockey athletes only and park next to Ariel's red BMW.

"What'd you say to that?"

"I told him never in his wildest dreams." Mulan laughs as we step out of my car. "He gets the Italia and the Vantage N430. The Vantage is the Special Edition too! I wouldn't complain about that!"

"Sometimes I don't understand how you two are so humble," she says. "You guys are filthy fuckin' rich and yet you drive a lame-ass Subaru Outback and Jack drives a Honda Civic. You two are really something special. Now tell me how all these cars fit in your garage?"

"We live in a mansion Mulan. We have like, five garages or something, so I could go out right now and buy two more Rolls Royce's and another Lanborghini and we'd still have room for two more," I answer as we walk into the ice arena.

Honestly, I'm glad we come through the back entrance all the time. This way I don't have to deal with any people before my games. I can be pretty awkward in normal social situations as it is sometimes, but before my games, if you put me with a large group of people, I'll probably have a panic attack right then and there.

"I think you've thought about doing that before."

"Actually I have," I say. "Not my fault my dad was an awesome hockey player and co-owned some of the biggest companies in sports."

So yeah, I haven't told you any of that yet. But the bottom line here is that I am filthy rich. I mean, Dad played ten seasons with the pros, and he made about thirty million just from that. Plus, he co-owned companies like Reebok and Bauer…those are pretty self-explanatory as to how much he made with them. I mean, I'll tell you anyway though. Reebok is worth over a billion dollars right now, and Bauer is worth almost four hundred million, and its value only grows by the day. Dad also owned shares in other big companies like Sony and LG and yadda yadda I don't even remember how rich we are anymore. We've got to be close to the billion dollar mark though.

Mom also racked in the cash. She was a neurologist, and she was one of the best in our region…so basically: Money. She made around three hundred thousand a year. When they died, all the money that they had saved was entrusted to Jack and me. And since we're both either eighteen or older, we can use the money however we wish. So yeah, we're kind of loaded.

The cars though…those we already had. My dad was making almost three million every season he played. He could afford to go out and buy a Rolls Royce if he wanted to…and he did. He also bought the Aston Martin for Mom for her birthday.

The only car we didn't have was the Ferrari. It's the 2014 model, so Mom and Dad weren't alive to buy it so…let's just say Jack had a nice birthday this year.

I put my headphones into my ears as Mulan and I enter our locker room. I tune everything else out. Nothing distracts me when it's game time.

* * *

Okay, I knew the game was going to be tough, but I didn't expect it to be _this _tough. We're halfway through the second period and the game is scoreless. We're being outshot twenty-four to eighteen, and I've take three pucks off of my mask already…three! One of them actually shook me up a little bit.

The stadium is packed, all five thousand seats are filled. I mean, it's our home opener, so of course a ton of people came.

I watch from my crease, glove-hand resting on the top of my crossbar, as Mulan skates with the puck and stops behind my net to wait for a line change. Once the new line is on, she makes a long break out pass up to the blue line directly on Anastasia's stick – Ana for short. She's one of our best players…makes sense since she's from Russia.

She dangles through two of Westleton's players, making it look easy as always, and once she enters their zone she makes a drop pass to Mulan, who had managed to jump up from her position on defense to join the rush play. Alice ends up filling in for Mulan to hold the position on the blue line with Ariel.

Ana drives to the net along with Hera, one of the freshmen this year, but she actually turned out to be _amazing_. They pull the defenseman down with them because, well…why would you leave two players open in front of your goalie?

This gives Mulan enough room to sidestep one of the back checking forwards, toe-drag around another player, and step right into the slot. Mulan has a mean shot too, and she had just enough time to pick her spot. The puck snaps off her stick, and I already know where she went. And in the blink of an eye…boom – top shelf, bar down…beauty of a goal. I called it. Mulan always goes high glove on me in practice and she never scores because one: I know where she's shooting all the time, and two: I'm just that good.

The stadium seems to erupt with cheers and screaming as someone finally managed to score. Mulan typically doesn't celebrate after she scores. She's laid back about it, she lets our other players on the ice go over and congratulate her, and then she moves on to the next shift. Honestly, I wish she would celly a bit more. She's been one of our lead scorers the last two years so she can make a big deal about it when she scores now.

Westleton is hungry for a goal the second the puck drops for the next play. I wouldn't be surprised if a fight breaks out before the end of the game either. There have already been some penalties called for cross-checking and slashing.

Their right winger and center pass back and forth as they bring the puck down the ice. The center drives the net while the right winger brings it down the boards. I make sure that I'm already square to the shooter and in my stance. The girl fires a quick shot on me. It's deflected by the center right in front of me, and I react quickly and kick the puck out with my left pad.

The rebound goes directly to their left winger streaking into the zone…just my luck. Why isn't _my _left winger picking her up and taking her out of the play right now?

I adjust my body and get a strong push as I slide across my entire crease. The girl snaps the puck off the blade of her stick, and it's going top shelf. I extend my glove as far as I can, which results in me dropping into a split…ouch. I bring my glove up just at the last second as the puck sails into it and make it a little more dramatic by throwing in a windmill after I catch the puck. I'm usually not one for dramatic saves but…it is our first game after all.

My teammates on the ice come over and tap me on the pads with their sticks, and the arena is alive with cheering after the save too. I mean, a save like that is big at any time, but especially since there's only a minute left in the second period…it makes it that much more important.

Hey, I wouldn't have made it onto the Olympic team if I wasn't this good.

_NEW_

"Oh my God! Did you see that Punzie?" I slap Rapunzel's arm repeatedly as I try to pull her attention away from Eugene.

Elsa just made a crazy save, and she did a fucking split. What even? How is someone that flexible that they can just…split and then get up from it like it's nothing? Jeez, she's so amazing.

"Anna, I'm watching the game…of course I saw it," she says with a slight laugh.

I roll my eyes and turn my sight back to the game. "She's awesome," I say to Jack.

"Yeah, she's really good," he answers. "One of the best in the nation."

"That's crazy…how does someone get that talented at something?" I sit back in my seat and turn to face Elsa's younger brother.

"I remember in high school she trained nonstop. After her practices she'd be in the weight room for an extra thirty or forty-five minutes. Once the season ended, she skated twice a week and worked out twice a week too. She was just really committed to it. Her team was like her family too," he says. "She wouldn't miss a practice or game for anything unless she was injured to the point where she couldn't do it."

"Hey Jack…wanna grab some food with me?" Eugene asks, cutting into our little conversation.

"Sure." Jack smiles at me before he heads off with Eugene…and Rapunzel. God, those two are basically inseparable.

"Hey." I turn around in my seat and see a large blonde guy climbing over Rapunzel's empty one. "You're Anna right?"

"Yeah…and, you're um…Kristoff?"

"Yup, that's me." He takes a sip of his soda and the buzzer for the second period sounds. "So, you like Elsa?" Okay, is he trying to find something our or make me admit something?

"Yeah…we're good friends," I answer.

"That's cool. Look, I know you're probably weirded out by me right now because…what kind of guy just goes around asking random people if they like his best friend right? Well…I'm that kind of guy. Anyway, I wanted to know because as I told you the first time we met, Elsa talks about you _a lot. _Like really, she never shuts up about you.

"That's why I want to ask you if you'd like to come to a party tonight. It's like an after-party type thing to celebrate the first game and hopefully the first win. It's not a huge party. The hockey team will be there and they usually invite a couple friends…so there's probably gonna be around forty or fifty people there."

"Ah…well, uh, sure. I'd love to come," I say. "Will Elsa be there?"

"I just said the hockey team yeah?" he answers sarcastically with an over dramatic roll of his eyes. I can see why Elsa gets along with this guy now.

"Just making sure."

"Of course you were." What was _that _supposed to mean? "I just think you guys are good for each other and you could use some more time to get to know each other. I sense that you two are usually awkward whenever you hang out, am I right?"

"Um…yeah, sort of."

"I figured. Well… Alright, awesome…see ya there!" And with that he gets up and heads back to his seat. Um…okay, so that happened.

Jack returns a few minutes later with a soda and hot dog in hand.

"Hey Jack…are you going to the party tonight?" I ask once he takes his seat next to me.

"Yeah…wait, you're going too?"

"Kristoff invited me. Literally, like five minutes ago," I say.

"Oh well…awesome! It should be fun. I assume you're going to spend time with Elsa?" I nod and he continues. "Well…don't drink then."

"Wait, what?"

"Anna, this is a college party after a huge hockey game…did you honestly think there wouldn't be alcohol? And I can tell from your face you haven't gotten wasted before."

"Well…no, I haven't. So wait, why can't I drink?" I ask.

"Because," he answers.

"That doesn't explain anything!" I laugh and give him a playful shove.

"Uh…you'll see. You just have to trust me on this. Elsa will need someone sober to take her back to her dorm, and I don't put my faith in Mulan or her other teammates."

"They all get drunk?"

"No but…a lot of them do. And Elsa…she might seem like a laid back girl, but put her with her teammates and a few bottles and she can really uh…well, you'll find out. Elsa's not really one for parties, but when she does actually go she can get pretty wild," Jack says with a small laugh.

* * *

I totally understand what Jack was talking about now. The party is at one of the frat houses, and there are at least fifty people here. It's pretty small for a college party, but I was told it was strictly for the girl's hockey team and maybe a friend they invited one. So basically, I don't know anyone here except Kristoff, Jack, and Elsa.

It's even more wild since the team won their game. 2-0 was the final score. The last goal was on an empty net. Elsa got the shutout; thirty-one saves, and from what I hear she gets a lot of them.

"Hey Anna, you want a drink?" Jack asks me as we head into the kitchen. There aren't as many people here in this room. They're mostly in the living room or in one of the bedrooms either having sex, getting wasted, or smoking weed…there's definitely weed here and I know because I saw a few kids holding a joint in their hand.

"Um…as long as it's not alcohol…"

"Yeah don't worry, they have soda." He laughs and grabs two Coke's out of the fridge. He hands one to me and I pop it open.

"So…have you been to a lot of parties?" I ask.

"Not a ton but…enough to know what happens," he answers. "At the bigger ones…ya know, when there are like, more than a hundred people there…that's when it gets really crazy."

"Seems pretty crazy now…I'm not even smoking and I feel like I'm getting high right now," I say with a slight laugh.

"Yeah that's kind of surprising. Usually there aren't any drugs at the hockey parties…just drinking and well, people getting laid upstairs but…that happens at every college party."

And then Elsa stumbles into the kitchen with a bottle of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. I can tell she's already drunk…and there's a very good possibility she's blazed as fuck too.

"Elsa…what the fuck is your problem?!" Jack yells. He snatches the joint out of her hand and then the beer bottle.

"Jack, I'm - ,"

"Why would you do that? Elsa, you know you can't…it's not good for you," he says, his voice coming down in volume but still remaining strong and forceful.

Elsa just rolls her eyes and leans against the countertop next to me. "Whatever mom," she replies. Jack shakes his head and storms out of the kitchen. I'm not really sure where he's going, considering there's really no where to turn in here without encountering alcohol or weed. "So Anna, Kristoff told me you'd be here. How come I haven't seen you until now?" Elsa asks, slurring her words pretty heavily as she turns towards me.

"Um…Jack and I only got here like, ten minutes ago," I answer. "Are you okay Elsa? You seem pretty drunk."

"I'm not drunk. You're just blurry." I can't help but laugh at that one. "You're cute when you laugh."

"Wait, what?"

"I told you…you're cute when you laugh. Well, you're cute all the time," she says. She snakes her arm around my waist and pulls me against her, and I swear our lips are only inches apart right now. I can sense that she's leaning in too, and I would have kissed her right then and there, not only because it would fill my desires but because it seems like she wants to kiss me too. But there was something in the way.

I put my hands on Elsa's shoulders and push her away. "Elsa, what are you doing? You have a girlfriend."

"Yeah…but she's not here right now," she answers.

"I don't care. You don't let your girlfriend suck your dick in the backseat of your car one moment and then hit on me the next. I'm not letting you screw up your relationship with Belle just because you got drunk and blazed one night," I say firmly, and I swear I saw the faintest hint of hurt flash across Elsa's eyes. But honestly, right now, I don't care. Jack and I walked past Elsa's car on our way out from the game, and I could just make out their figures through her tinted windows. "Come on, I'm walking you back to your dorm," I finish.

She lets out an over dramatic groan. "Can I have one more drink?"

I look at her like she's out of her mind. "No!"

"Jeez, you're almost as bad as Jack," she grumbles as she follows me towards the front door.

"Anna! Elsa! Where are you going?" I turn around and see Kristoff right behind us.

"Um…Elsa is kind of drunk and high right now so…I'm taking her back to her dorm," I answer.

I notice of look of worry pass over Kristoff's eyes as he does a once over of Elsa. "Yeah…yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks Anna."

Once we exit the house, I turn my eyes on Elsa. I'm pretty sure I must look angry right now…or frustrated, because Elsa instantly looks scared the second her eyes meet mine.

"Okay…can you tell me why your own brother and your best friend both acted like it was a big deal for you to get drunk? Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a college party?" I ask.

"It's not that simple with me," she answers. "Nothing is simple when it comes to me."

And she didn't talk to me the rest of the way back to her dorm. I tried asking her questions, but she kept saying 'I'll tell you when we get back.' It was frustrating to say the least, but I put up with it.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we reach her dorm room. Elsa collapses onto her bed and lets out a groan…she's going to have one major hangover tomorrow. I had to support her the last portion of our walk because it looked like she was about to pass out.

"Elsa, I think you should sleep," I say.

"No," she answers turning over on her bed. "I told you that I'd answer your questions."

"How well do you think you'll be able to do that? You're drunk."

"You'll get more out of me now than when I'm sober," she says.

"Fine." I sit cross-legged in front of her on her bed, and she immediately throws her arms around my shoulders.

"Kiss me first," she says.

"Are you crazy? Elsa…no! You have a girlfriend! How many times to I have to remind you?" I take her arms off of me and just hold her hands in my own. That time it was harder for me to say no to her. I don't know how many more times I can reject her before I finally cave in.

"Ugh…you're no fun."

"Elsa…just explain things to me…please…"

"Fine… The reason Kristoff and Jack nearly freaked out when they found out I was drinking and stuff is because… in my freshman year here, I had a substance abuse issue. I – I was drinking a lot, and I used a shit ton of drugs too; weed, cocaine, heroin…you name it, I probably did it at least once," she tells me. "And I know you're gonna ask why, and honestly I don't wanna tell you. So I'll just say that…freshman year was rough for me. That's all you need to know right now."

"Then how were you able to play hockey? Don't they do drug tests?" I ask. I felt bad for Elsa, no doubt about that. But there was still the curiosity to know what caused her to do it… I guess I'll just have to wait for her to trust me enough to tell me that part.

"Coach…he allowed me to play as long as I got help for the drugs and all that stuff. And at that time, hockey was truly my only method of therapy. It let me unwind and let go of all my problems. I'd just focus on my technique, and the puck, and making saves…I felt free when I played. Coach knew that too, so he didn't want to take that away from me," Elsa answers. "I was so messed up Anna…and I still am. My mind is so fucked up and I can't escape it."

I see the tears fill her eyes to the brim, but she doesn't allow them to fall. She's stumbling over her words as the sobs take over her voice, but she doesn't allow them to fully escape.

"And I-I want to get better Anna. I want to get better _so fucking badly. _Sometimes I feel like I can't…a-and then I see y-you. You're helping m-me Anna…more th-than you could ever k-know," she finishes. I see a small smile cross her face as she lifts her head and our eyes meet. Her eyes, I can see, are clouded by tears and pain she's kept bottled up for a while.

I know she won't remember what she told me in the morning. She won't remember the connection we shared, the gazes that maybe lasted a little too long, or what I'm about to say…but I'm going to say it anyway. Because that's what I tend to do: Dive into things without truly thinking about the consequences that might come of it. But before I can open my mouth, she says something else.

"Remember what I just said about how I drank a lot?" she asks. I nod and give her a confused expression, which makes her continue. "I built up a very strong alcohol tolerance in that time, and I only had two beers tonight…"

"So…you're telling me…you aren't drunk?" I raise an eyebrow at her, and she lets out a light laugh as she wipes the tears from her eyes…the tears that she never even let go of.

"That beer wasn't even good…you'd need vodka to get me drunk now," she says. Our eyes meet again, and she gives me the most lopsided grin I've ever seen her make, and I swear I can only love this girl more by the second. "Maybe I just wanted to spend more time with you."

"But we do that anyway."

"Yeah but…time where I can tell you about _me. _You know who I am at school Anna…but you don't know who _Elsa _is…what she's like, or what she's been through. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out who I am, and maybe you can help."

And then finally I can't take it anymore. This girl stole my heart the second I saw her…and I will never ask her to give it back to me.

"Elsa…can I just…say something crazy?" I blurt out.

"My life is crazy Anna…so I love crazy. There's nothing you can't tell me."

I only have this one chance. And if I screw it up, then my heart will break. If it's returned, then Belle's heart will break. And if Elsa doesn't know how to respond, then _her _heart will break. There's no going back though. I've come this far. Sure, we've only known each other for a little more than a month now, but there is a connection between us, and I know Elsa can feel it too.

"I am…I am falling madly and hopelessly in love with you Elsa."

Her face goes blank at first, and I can already feel my heart shattering. But then the corners of her lips turn up into the faintest of smiles…

And then I was crashing and hurtling through space. Nothing felt real. It was just us, swimming and melting in a pool of our feelings, and I fell for her all over again. With Elsa, I can be myself. I don't have to worry about being a straight A student, the best athlete, or a perfect person like my parents want me to be. I can forget about all of that. Because for the first time in forever, I found someone who accepts me for _me. _I found someone I can turn to for help. I found someone I can _trust. _

I didn't think about the consequences of saying that to Elsa. I didn't think about what other people would think of it, because I only care what Elsa thinks, what she wants, how she feels. She means more to me than anyone I've ever met. And I know it may seem stupid to be saying all of this so soon, but it's true. I love this girl with all my heart and I can't stop it.

And this time, I don't push her away as she crashes her lips against mine…

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are encouraged and welcomed.**

**Because I like leaving you guys with a chapter ending filled with feels...don't worry, the next one will have a lot more feels.**

**So I know...you're thinking "Yay Elsanna!" But I'm thinking "Yay, even more angst!" I'm still gonna rip your hearts out ;)**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter will mostly be from Elsa's POV…just saying.**

**Trigger warning as well: There are mentions of a suicide attempt and hints at self-harm, and a depiction of a traumatic incident through a flashback. So if you are easily triggered by any of these things then I suggest you read at your own risk.**

**Also, from here on out, this fic will deal with many psychological aspects of Elsa's character. There will be very strong emotions, as well as depictions of what it's like living with depression, anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar, and Borderline Personality Disorder. So please, I advise you that if you don't think you're up for that kind of stuff, then read at your own risk or stop reading altogether. **

**Thanks!**

* * *

Chapter 7

Oh…shit. This isn't good. At. All. I kissed Anna. It was only a small little kiss... There wasn't any tongue, it wasn't aggressive or wanting, but still…I kissed her! The girl is in love with me! I knew she like me but…I didn't know she was falling _that _hard. No…I can't do this to Belle. It's not fair to her, and it's not fair to Anna. I can't lead her on like this. Anna has no idea whom she's getting involved with. Falling for me…that's intense, and a huge mistake.

Anna knows my personality. She knows the sports I like and she knows a tiny little bit about my past. But like I told her last night, she doesn't know _me: _My favorite color, food, band, video game…all that small stuff that actually makes a difference in a relationship. But worst of all…she doesn't know how screwed up I am. But maybe…

"Hey Anna, do you want to come with me…to where I was gonna go today?" I ask as I sit up in my bed. I see Anna sitting at my desk, still in her clothes from yesterday. She looks adorable. Her hair is all ruffled up and sticking out at a bunch of random directions. It kind of looks like she has a lion's mane…and it's _so fucking cute _oh my god.

"Mmsure…" she says, her voice still low and raspy from sleep.

"How long have you been up?"

"An hour or so…your roommate left. Said she had a class or somethin…"

I throw the sheets off me and get out of bed. I still have all my clothes on…that's a good sign right?

"Hey uh…if you want some clothes I can um, give you something if you want," I offer.

"It's fine. I'll just go back to my room real quick," she says stifling a yawn.

She hasn't mentioned anything about last night yet. Maybe she's too tired right now but still, this is good. I don't think I'm prepared to talk about that just yet.

"I'll meet you back here in like, ten minutes," she continues.

"Uh…okay."

She ties her hair back into a messy bun, which makes her look even more adorable, and she smiles at me before heading out of my room.

Ugh…and now I just realized that my car is still at the rink lot. Why didn't I just drive it back here before I went to the party? Oh right…it's probably because I was too distracted to think about anything else while Belle was blowing me again. I swear, what that girl can do with her mouth…and now is really not the time for me to think about that.

Belle… Great, now I feel guilty. I mean, I know Anna and I aren't together, but I still feel like I'm cheating on her in a way. This isn't right. I don't want to hurt Belle but…my feelings for Anna are growing stronger every time I see her. And now that I'm going to share the most horrible detail of my past with her today, I'll be done for with this girl. I felt something when I kissed her that I've never felt with Belle before. I can't even begin to explain what it was. It was just…different. There was something more there with Anna.

* * *

"Okay…where are we going exactly?" Anna asks as we walk across campus to the rink.

"I'll tell you when we get to my car."

"Right…your Subaru Outback." She giggles, and that earns her a small punch on the arm from me.

"Hey…don't make fun of my car! I know, it's gay, but it holds my hockey stuff and it's good in the snow," I say.

"True. Alright, I'll give you that much."

"Oh well aren't you kind…" I deadpan. I hop in the driver's seat once we get to my car and start up the engine. "Ya know, if you want…I can come back from our Thanksgiving break in a Rolls Royce."

"What?! You have a Rolls?!" she exclaims.

"Yeah. We originally had the Ghost model, but we traded it in and then got the newest Ghost Series II. It's really nice actually. I customized it because well…it's mine," I answer nonchalantly. I let out a laugh at Anna's expression right now. She looks like a deer in headlights, and her jaw practically dropped to the bottom of my car.

"No. Fucking. Way."

"Yes fucking way," I reply. "I guess you'll just have to come back with me and see it someday." I shoot her a playful wink, and I'm pretty sure she just about died.

"Alright…I'll be waiting for that day," she says.

I pull out of the rink lot and start driving towards my destination. I haven't been here for two years, but I've thought about going quite a few times, but I always ended up dismissing the idea because, as Doc Mal had mentioned in our last talk, I didn't trust myself enough. I thought that if I went by myself I'd end up doing something stupid…and by stupid I mean trying to kill myself because well, it's happened before.

"Okay," I start, taking a deep breath, "don't back out on me now, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you where we're going until now but…it's because I'm not good with this subject yet, and I'm not good with just spilling things out about my past."

"It's okay Elsa. There are some things I haven't told you yet because I was still making sure if I could trust you," Anna responds. "But you know – at least I hope you do – that you can share anything with me. I won't judge you. I've gone through enough of that…I'm sure you have too."

"Yeah…I uh, I know what you're talking about. And please Anna…I don't want your sympathy or anything when we get there. I've had enough of that shit thrown my way and I'm sick of it," I tell her. I turn into the front entrance of the cemetery where my parents are buried, and I immediately see Anna's face turn to one of sadness.

"Who?" she asks.

"You'll see." I drive a little more along the path until I reach a spot that's close enough. There was no way in hell I was parking at the front and walking all the way back here…both my parents are dead, I don't need to walk past a million more of them.

I grab my black beanie off the dashboard of my car and pull it onto my head as I notice it's actually pretty cold today…the slight wind isn't helping either. Anna isn't dressed appropriately for this weather. She only has a light windbreaker with her.

"You want a hoodie? I have an extra one."

"Uh…yeah okay. Thanks." I pull one of my older sweatshirts out of the backseat.

It's from one of the showcases I did when I was in high school…sophomore year, I remember. They had these really awesome sweatshirts where you could put any team logo you wanted on it. So naturally I got the Superman logo on it because I love Superman. Don't get the wrong idea; I'm not obsessed with superheroes or anything, and I'm not this giant nerd about it either, but when it comes to Superman… I mean, he's the greatest superhero ever, and there's no arguing with me on this. I even have his logo painted of the top of my goalie helmet.

The jerseys for the Superman team were wicked awesome though. They had the logo in the center of the jersey, and circling the hems of them was the design of Superman's belt. It was so cool. I was jealous of those jerseys. The sweatshirt was the closest thing I could get to it. And it looks really swag too – wow, I just said that. But really...it does. The colors are faded and paler than the jersey ones. It's just...amazing. I nearly fangirled over it when I saw it at the showcase. So beautiful...

"Here ya go," I say as I toss the hoodie over to her.

"This is an awesome sweatshirt." She smiles as she leaves her windbreaker in my car and slips on the hoodie.

"That was my reaction when I bought it." I let out a long sigh and put my own plain black hoodie on as well…it looks so boring compared to the other one. "Alright, let's go. I'll explain on the way there."

I start towards where my parents are, the bottoms of my gray sweatpants dragging on the ground slightly as I trudge through the grass and leaves. It's not a far walk to their graves, but each step feels like torture to me. My legs seem to get heavier each time I move them, and soon it feels like I'm being frozen to the ground. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this… But I have to.

"Okay," I start, my breathing a little shaky as we draw closer to where they are, "this is really hard for me. The only reason I'm telling you this is because I trust you with all my heart Anna. The only other people who know about this are Kristoff, Belle, and Doc Mal. And yet…Doc Mal is the only person who knows _all _the details. I wish I could tell everything to Kristoff and Belle…but I don't know, there's a part of me that doesn't want them to know just in case they accidentally share something with someone else. But I trust that you won't do that."

"I won't Elsa…I promise," Anna says.

I stop in my tracks about twenty feet from where they are and pull out the small box in the pocket of my sweatpants. I know I shouldn't…but it will calm me. It always did. And at that time, when I had my abuse problem, I didn't care how bad it was for me. Of course I didn't. It wasn't even that I enjoyed doing it either…I just had to.

I open the box and take one cigarette from it, pull the lighter out of my other pocket, and light it quickly. I haven't smoked in nearly two years. Jack was always able to convince me out of it…or Kristoff, or one of my teammates.

"Elsa…what are you doing?" Anna asks. She plucks the cigarette right out from between my lips and throws it on the ground.

"Anna, I need to…"

"No, you don't. I won't let you," she says. "Give me the box."

"Anna please…I can't help it!"

"Elsa, you told me you had a substance abuse problem in your freshman year, what makes you think I'll honestly let you smoke right now?"

"I can't help it Anna…listen to me! Whenever I think about my parents I always need one! It's something I have to do…ever since they died it was something to help distract me…even if it was only for a small moment."

Her eyes widen, and it takes me a few seconds to realize what I just told her.

"Your parents…that's why we're here?" she asks in a small voice. I can tell she's trying to hold back tears…her eyes have that glossy look to them now.

I let out a sigh and look past Anna to where their stones are. "Yes." I unconsciously take Anna's hand in my own and lead her over to a small bench in front of their graves. She sits down next to me, and this time she doesn't stop me as I take out another cigarette. I light it and take a long drag from it. It feels natural for me still.

We sit there in silence, but it's a comfortable silence. I guess knowing she's there, right next to me, gives me a sense of comfort. It's like if I lost my mind right now, she'd be there in a second to help me find it again. If I broke down, she'd be there to put me back together.

"They were too young," I say suddenly. "My mom was forty-four and my dad was forty-six. Why did this have to happen to them? It's not fair…"

"Tell me about them," she says.

"Uh…wha - ,"

"Tell me about your parents." She reaches out and pushes a few loose strands of hair out of my face. "They seem like they were wonderful people…because they raised two amazing kids."

Well, if I wasn't sure whether or not I was falling for Anna before, I definitely am now. No one except Doc Mal has ever asked me about what my parents were like. They would always ask about the accident, what happened, what I saw…that went nowhere. I'd either have a panic attack or shut myself out. But asking about _them, _what kind of people they were, this was new to me. Not even Belle has asked that question. But hearing it come from Anna…now I know how much she cares. Should I open up about this though? Of course I should. Why would I even think against that? I brought Anna with me _exactly _for the sole purpose of opening up to her. I guess telling her my favorite color can wait until later...

"They really were wonderful people. My dad was a hockey player. He played ten years in the professional league; three seasons with the Boston Bruins and seven seasons with the Minnesota Wild. He was smart too. He went to Yale but he was drafted in his second year. But as for the kind of person he was…the most respectful man I ever met. He was kind-hearted and selfless. He'd do anything to help another person. He was honest too…he always kept his word, and he never shied away from the truth, even if it sounded a bit harsh.

"He was a gentleman. He always looked for a way to turn the other cheek whenever he was angry with me, Jack, or Mom instead of lashing out or saying something he might regret. He was funny too. He always knew how to cheer me up or make me laugh whenever I was down, which happened often. Simply put, he was the greatest man I've ever met.

"As for my mom…she was a lot like Dad. She was easy going and calm. Both she and Dad were supportive of Jack and me. My mom would always find a way to help us and make sure we were okay. There were times in high school when I thought she was going to give up on me because I was getting so bad and so screwed up…but she didn't. She was always there for me. I could talk to her about my problems and everything that was destroying me, because at the time, she and Dad were the only people I had for help. My mom was a great woman. She was a neurologist, and a lot of times she saved lives. Some moments I like to think she helped save mine," I finish.

"I wish I could have met them," Anna says. "You and Jack really take after them. I've never met a guy as caring as your brother, and I've never met a girl as respectful as you."

"Dad always told me that just because someone else might disrespect me doesn't mean I should return the favor, although I've really thought about it…a lot," I reply.

"Oh…because of…"

"Anna, you can say it. I don't get offended as much now," I tell her.

"What did they do? Your parents, I mean."

"What did they do about me being born with a dick?" I return. She nods. "Nothing…they didn't treat me any differently. They didn't think I was some sort of mistake or that people like me shouldn't exist. They just saw me as their child…a person they'd love no matter what. They helped me through the bullying and everything. They were always there when I needed them. And now they're dead…because of me.

"If I…hadn't wanted to go to that stupid hockey game!" I'm crying now. I know because I feel the cool wetness of tears of my cheeks. Or maybe it's just the wind that's making me tear up. That might be it. "They'd still be alive if I hadn't made them take me…I'm so selfish! I could have chosen any other game…but no…I had to go to the one where some guy ran a red light because he was too drunk to even know he was driving!"

It could have been easier for me… Maybe if they had died in the hospital instead I would have been able to handle myself a little better. I would have had Jack and the doctors around me for support and help. But no…my life isn't easy or fair. My life is cold and dark and broken.

"No…Elsa, please don't blame yourself for this," Anna says softly. I feel her hand on my shoulder, but I don't react to it. I just take another drag from my cigarette.

"This was a mistake…I shouldn't have brought you here with me. Why are you even here Anna? Why are you still with me right now? I'm crazy. I'm fucked up. You don't want to associate yourself with me."

"Elsa, what are you talking about? I'm here with you because I care about you! I want to make sure you're okay and that you won't do something stupid like try to hurt yourself!" she returns, and I can see the tears threatening to spill from her beautiful teal blue eyes. "You're not crazy, Elsa, you're just hurt."

I turn and face her on the bench. "Fine…I may not be crazy, but I am fucked up. And before you try to counter me on that, you need to know that I actually am." I take another drag and exhale all the toxic chemicals that could kill me if I keep this up through a long sigh. "If you really like me as – as much as you say you do, if you're really falling for me, then you need to know what you're getting involved with. I just – I don't want to end up hurting you later on."

She scoots towards me a little and turns to face me, and she lifts her legs up so now she's sitting cross-legged on the bench, and her knee just grazes against mine. Even though I'm not looking at her now, I can feel her intense yet caring gaze on me as I take a deep breath.

"First off…I have OCD. It's not as bad here since I don't have as many things to trigger it. But still, I can't go to sleep without making sure the room door is locked and turning off the lights a million times. I have things set up a certain way in my room here and at home and if one of those things falls out of place then I'll freak out and have to set it back the way it was before I do anything else. It's not as severe as it could be though, and I'm lucky for that. But it still affects me, sometimes more intensely than others. By the way Anna, I'm listing everything I have in order of increasing importance and severity…just so you know…

"Next is depersonalization disorder, which is often classified with Dissociative Disorder. Basically, I often detach myself from the world around me, my emotions and feelings, and I distance myself from others and don't relate to them. It's directly linked to one of my bigger issues: depression.

"My depression wasn't a separate diagnosis Anna…I'm not gonna ease into this or sugarcoat it for you because there's no point in doing that; I have Bipolar Disorder. I'm sure you know what that is right?" She nods in return, so I continue. "Yeah…when I'm fairly happy, or in a 'manic' state as all the doctors call it, you wouldn't know anything is wrong with me. But then I break apart…so what happens whenever I fall into one of my depressive states is my distancing becomes more common, my inclination to self-harm is raised, and the attacks happen more often."

"Attacks? Like…panic attacks?" she asks.

"Yeah that…it's tough to handle my depressive states. The doctors say they're more severe than they should be. I had an attack that night of the free skate. It was later after I walked you back. And after that, I started thinking about coming here, and I realized I was going into one of my depressive states. They last for about two weeks, and my manic states last for about a month," I say. "So that's kind of a big deal with me. But it's not the worst thing. I think the fact that I'm bipolar worsens it but…I can't be sure. I've never really asked a doctor whether or not that's true. I – I have PTSD Anna…"

"From that night?" I only manage a weak not before I break down into tears. Instinctively, I throw my arms around Anna's waist and pull her tightly against me as I cry into her shoulder. It's uncontrollable now. I can't stop it. I've been holding in these tears for so long, and now I finally have someone I can let them out with. I'll never completely figure out what it is about Anna that makes me trust her so much, but I just get this feeling. It must be love…

_There's blood. God, there's so much blood. It's everywhere: on my face, my hands, my clothes…but it's not my blood. I only feel the slight sting of a few small scratches and cuts on my arms and one on my jaw. No…this can't be happening._

_Dad…he was here one moment ago. He was laughing and chatting away with Mom and me. He was happy. _No, get it out of your head Elsa! _I tell myself. I say it over and over again and shut my eyes, but that only makes it worse. It's there…it'll always be there. The smashing of the front of our car. The glass of the windows shattering from the force of the impact. The shards of glass flying into my dad's head and neck, the crushing of his ribs and chest, the blood splattering all over the dashboard, his seat…and me._

_He's dead…I know he's dead because I saw it happen. I turn to my mom. She's still alive. I spring free of my seat belt and lean over her. She's bleeding…from her chest, her head, her neck. She's dying…but maybe there's still time. I see the flashing lights of police cars and ambulances on the street. The other driver is dead. His head smashed against his steering wheel and glass shards are lodged through his throat. He was killed instantly…just like Dad._

"_Mom!" I yell. I lift her up with my right arm and go to reach over her to open the door, but I can't. My left arm won't move. It's probably broken. But I can't feel it. Maybe this is my body reacting and I'm going into shock. Or maybe this is all some terrible dream that I'm about to wake up from. _

"_Mom please…just hold on!" The tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I see the paramedics reaching through the now opened car door as they haul my mom onto a stretcher. I climb out of the car after her. I fall once I get out. Maybe I broke my ankle too or something like that. I look worse than I really am. The blood all over me is from my parents. Okay, so maybe I broke a couple things…but that doesn't take precedence over Mom. _

_I'm leaning over her in the back of an ambulance now. How did I get in here this fast? Did one of the paramedics carry me here? Who cares…at least I'm with Mom now._

"_Please, please, please Mom…you're gonna be okay," I say. "It's gonna be alright. I'm right here. Please just…stay with me…please."_

_My vision is blurry from all my tears, but I still focus on my mom. The paramedics are shouting now, but I don't listen to them. One of them pushes me away so he can reach my mom. They're putting some sort of tube into her arm. I look over and see the heart rate monitor. It's beeping, but it's slowing down by the second. Panic flares in me._

"_No, no, no…why is it stopping? No, Mom…you can't leave me!" It keeps slowing down. It's almost a straight line right now. "Please…no…what am I gonna do without you?! Mom, no!" The monitor reads fifteen now. I turn around and punch my hand into the wall. I didn't even feel the pain. I probably broke a finger when I did it, but I don't care. "Dad is already gone, you can't go too! You can't fucking leave me!" I'm shouting now. One of the paramedics comes over to me and tries to comfort me. Is she crazy?_

_I collapse on the ground. I'm feeling the pain now. It's in my whole left arm, my right ankle, my head…my heart. I'm sobbing and clutching at my chest. I can't take this. It's too much. It can't be real. This isn't happening! I didn't just see both of my parents die right in front of my eyes! No…it's not real._

_The long beep coming from the heart monitor only confirms for me what I don't want to be true…_

_NEW_

It's not every day one of your friends falls apart right in your arms. I've never had it happen to me before. It takes a certain level of trust and care for someone to do that. For someone to share everything that's been hurting them, to talk about the thing that's caused them the most pain in their life…words can't even describe how much it means to me – how much it means to know Elsa trusts me this much.

"I'm sorry…" she mutters.

"Wait…what are you sorry for?" I place my hands on her shoulders and push her back slightly so our eyes can meet.

"For telling you this. You probably think I'm crazy and that I'm - ,"

"No," I say cutting her off. "You're not crazy at all…Elsa, you're beautiful. You're someone who has been through so much in such a short time. You've had an extremely traumatic incident happen – one that not many people would be able to move on from. You've battled with so many things and you haven't let them bring you down. You're strong Elsa, and to me, that makes you all the more beautiful."

She bites her lower lip to try and stifle her cries and I see her solemnly shake her head.

"You're wrong Anna," she gets out softly. "I'm not strong. I let everything bring me down that day. After the accident…I couldn't handle it: the pain, the trauma. I'll never be able to get those images out of my head. I was all alone Anna."

"But you had Kristoff and – and Jack. Didn't they - ,"

I'm silenced by a surprisingly – and almost eerie – dark laugh she lets out.

"I couldn't tell Kristoff any of the details. He was a good person to be with…he let me cry without asking because he knew I wouldn't give him any answers. And Jack? He didn't do shit for me after I told him," she says. She's so calm right now…and it's kind of scaring me. Her tears are gone now, and I can hear the slightest tinge of anger lacing her voice even though it remains steady and low. "I was the one who told him Anna. Me! The one who saw both of our parents die right in front of my eyes! The one who was really broken! And _I _had to tell him?!

"Anna…I love my brother, but he didn't give me the slightest bit of support! I was the one who ended up comforting him… He kept saying he couldn't take it. I'm the one who saw them die and _he _couldn't take it? He didn't even come with me!" Her voice rises, and this is the first time I've ever seen a look of pure anger cross Elsa's face. "He wasn't even there because he couldn't handle it!"

"Wh-where?" I get out reluctantly.

Elsa pulls away from me completely and covers her face with her hands as she lets the tears fall again. She won't look at me now. She's turned back so she's facing her parents' graves.

"He said he thought he'd lose it if he went!" she cries. "Meanwhile, _I'm _the one who's bipolar. _I'm _the one with the depression and the PTSD. And _I _was the one who was losing my mind and falling apart and breaking down! Anna…I buried our parents alone!"

Her statement hits me like a stack of bricks, and I'm pretty sure I forgot how to breathe in that moment. I can understand that Jack must have been grieving at the time…but to leave his sister like that to do something like that alone? I can't imagine the kind of heartbreak Elsa must have felt when she didn't even have her brother there to help her.

And I really didn't know what to say to her after that. But she continued.

"He was sad, I get it. But when I came home that night I – I lost it Anna. I absolutely, totally, completely lost my mind. I really couldn't take it anymore. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I was lost without my parents…and I couldn't…do…" And then she's back in my arms crying again, and I swear I felt my heart break for her as my own tears fill my eyes.

"Elsa…I'm right here. You're gonna be okay," I say softly into her ear. I place a small kiss on the top of her hair as one of my arms wraps around her shoulders while I gently stroke her hair with my other hand. God, I love this girl so much.

"But I'm not…Anna…I'm not…okay. I almost – I almost ended it…that night."

She pulls away and looks into my eyes, her own eyes dark and clouded by pain and fear, and I give her a puzzled look as she removes her arms from around my waist.

"I told you that you needed to know how messed up I am. I haven't done anything like it for a whole year now but…I can still have…the tendency, especially – especially during a depressive state. I just – I don't know if you'll be okay with knowing…"

"Elsa, I'll be fine, I promise," I tell her. Worry fills her eyes as she looks down at her hands. I reach out to take them in my own, but she pulls them away. She carefully pushes the sleeves of her hoodie up so her wrists and forearms are showing. She holds her hands closer to me.

"I'm sorry…most people don't know because they're so faint now but…"

And then it hits me. My eyes scan her arms more closely, darting back and forth between each of them until they stop at her wrists. On them, I can just make out the faintest outlines of short, jagged scars.

"Elsa…"

"I'm sorry…I couldn't help it. I was so angry and so sad, and – and I didn't want to - ,"

She stops talking the second I take her hands in my own. I bring each wrist up and I gently press my lips to both of the scars there.

"I – I don't understand…" she says softly.

"Elsa, I care about you so much… I'm falling in love with you," I respond. "Every part of you is beautiful to me. All your imperfections only make you more perfect in my eyes. I'm truly sorry something like that had to happen to you. I don't know what it's like to lose a parent or someone you love. I haven't gone through that yet…but I _do _know what it's like to feel alone, to feel like you have no one to turn to for help. I know you still feel that way Elsa. And I – I want to be that person for you now. We can help each other. There are things I have to tell you too…but I trust you enough to share them with you. Elsa, I'll be here for you. I'll always be here."

"I just – I don't want to hurt you Anna. If you do this, if you stay with me…then there's a good possibility that I will. And if that happens, if I hurt you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"No, don't say that. I'll never leave you Elsa…I promise. I'll be your shoulder to cry on. I'll be your punching bag. I'll be whatever you want me to be, but you need to know that no matter what we go through together, I will _never _leave you," I tell her. "I'll say that every day until you believe it too. This means I won't give up on you Elsa. I know the accident is something that will always be with you, but you'll make it through…I'll help you do that. It's going to be okay. _You _are going to be okay. Do you believe me?"

And before I can say or do anything else, she leans forward and gently presses her lips to mine. It's soft, it's sweet, it's loving. It wasn't like last night; a small kiss that only showed me she might return some of my feelings. No…this one was more than that. It lasted longer, one of her hands circling around my waist while the other rests on the side of my neck. Her lips moved perfectly against mine, and the moment seemed to end almost as quickly as it began, but the amount of love filling her eyes when they met my own after she pulled away said it all.

"I believe you."

* * *

**A/N: ****Reviews are encouraged.**

**By the way, go vote on the poll I created...it's on my profile page. Thanks!**

**Okay, ****so quick thing here...so at the very end when Anna's like "do you believe me" and Elsa's like "I believe you" is gonna be their thing. Ya know...like the "Okay? Okay" in The Fault In Our Stars or the "Real or not real? Real" in The Hunger Games...yeah, like those things bc I can and bc it's cute as fuck.**

**Also, it could be a little while before Elsa and Anna actually start dating. I'm developing their characters so that they really have a strong emotional connection with each other; not just like, oh Elsa falls for Anna bc she's pretty and nice and then Anna falls for Elsa after she sees that Elsa is really hot as fuck and then they date and _then _the emotions happen. No...I'm building the emotions before any of that.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: In case some of you missed my last A/N on Chapter 7: I'm wondering whether or not I should do a Belsa sex scene. I know this is an Elsanna fic, and most of you want Elsa and Anna to get together already but…I'm really good at writing angst and ripping your hearts out and I feel like I can add more emotions if I write Elsa and Belle having sex. Ultimately it's my decision, but your opinions matter to me and I'll take them into consideration as I move on with the story!**

**Trigger warning: Drug use, drinking, and thoughts of self-hate in the character of Elsa.**

* * *

Chapter 8

It's been three days since I went to the cemetery, since I was reminded of why I'm so fucked up. I haven't talked to Anna in these three days either. I've ignored her texts and her calls...Okay, ignored isn't the right word. I've read her texts. I've listened to her messages. But I haven't replied.

In fact, I haven't been talking to anyone really. Kristoff, Belle, Mulan…nope…none of them. I mean yeah, I've seen them in my classes and around campus, but I haven't really hung out with any of them. Mulan is my roommate, and I've barely talked to her. I'm so…disinterested in everything right now. It sucks when I'm in a depressive state. Fuck Bipolar. Fuck OCD. Fuck PTSD. Fuck life. It's so demanding and stressful. I wish I could quit for a while. I wish I could quit forever…

Professor Oaken's voice jostles my mind back to reality for a moment. He's talking about something dealing with analyzing the motives of a murderer; this is our next unit. I should really be paying attention but…I guess my focus tends to stray when I'm constantly reminded of how much my life sucks.

Belle has a soccer game tomorrow night. I know she'll want me to be there. She's sent me a bunch of texts reminding me. I'm not going though. I can't. Being around people whenever I'm depressed doesn't help me. It makes me more apt to have a panic attack, and I can't have that happen. I'll feel like shit for not supporting her though. It's kind of a lose-lose situation for me. But hey, welcome to my life.

A light tapping on my shoulder disrupts my thoughts again, and I look over to see Mulan.

"Hey Elsa, class is over, let's go," she says.

I let out a sigh and shove my notebook into my backpack. I didn't take any notes…mostly doodled over the page a little; one of the doodles being a little heart with _'E + A' _in it. Cheesy and sappy, I know…but I can't pull my heart away from her. It's scaring me: how bad I have it for Anna. And I've kissed her…twice now! And I know she loves me, and I'm pretty sure I love her too.

I shake my head a little and readjust my glasses, pushing them up slightly as I walk out of the lecture hall building with Mulan. I'm immediately met with a fist to my stomach.

"You fucking bitch!" Hans yells at me. Great…just what I need right now. "You're stupid brother nearly broke my nose defending that redhead whore."

"Don't talk about her like that…" I mutter. I take a few deep breaths to get over the initial pain in my stomach, and soon it's gone. I swear, I'll kick Hans' ass right now if he says another negative word about Anna. "You're just mad she wasn't going for you."

"Please," he scoffs, "I know she wants it, and I'm gonna - ,"

I don't even give him a chance to finish his sentence as I slam my fist into the side of his face. This asshole is just too stupid to get it huh? I go to punch him again, but I feel Mulan's hands on my shoulders holding me back. A few of Hans' football teammates are standing behind him now, and I'm pretty sure I'll get my ass kicked by one of them within the next week.

"It's not worth it Elsa," she says before she turns her attention to Hans. He's leaning over, clutching his face as a small trickle of blood leaks from his lip. "Hans," Mulan says calmly, "if I see you giving Elsa shit again, or I hear you're disrespecting Anna, I swear I will kick you so hard in your already tiny dick that you won't even have one anymore. Do you understand?"

If Hans was actually smart, he'd say yes and then leave. But Hans isn't smart, and he tries to throw a punch at Mulan, one that she easily evades. She comes back with a mean left handed upper-cut, hitting him square in the jaw. Hans is the only person at ArendelleU that hasn't gotten this across his thick skull yet: You don't mess with Mulan. In fact, you don't mess with hockey players, period.

Hans just glares at Mulan…like that's going to do anything, before he shakily turns and walks away. I'm surprised he didn't say anything to either of us. He usually throws some insult at me saying I shouldn't be alive or something like that. Honestly, if he did say that right now, I'd probably try to hurt myself considering my depressive state, and also because it'd be true. People like me aren't supposed to exist…

"Um…thanks Mulan," I say softly.

"Don't mention it. He's the biggest douche I've ever met. I'd kick his ass every day if I could," she answers, letting out a small laugh. "Hey…wanna come to the rink with me? A few of us are skating even though coach gave us the day off."

"Thanks, but I'm good. I'm just gonna hang out in our room," I say.

"Elsa…please tell me what's wrong. It's not like you to pass up an opportunity to skate."

"Nothing is wrong Mulan," I answer shortly.

"Are you and Belle having issues?"

"Wha- no! Why would you even think that? We're perfectly fine," I say quickly. I know I'm not going to get out of this one, so I might as well just tell her part of the truth so I can go back to my room. "Look…I visited the cemetery on Sunday, and it's always tough when I think about it."

"Oh…well, you could have just told me that instead of ignoring me for three days."

"I'm sorry. It's not something I'm that open about…you know that," I say.

"Yeah, yeah you're right. Sorry for pushing you with it. I'll uh, see you tonight then okay?"

I give a small nod in return, and she heads off in the direction of the rink. I probably should have accepted her offer to skate. I don't think it's the best thing for me to be alone in my room, depressed, and feeling guilty about my recent decisions with Anna. I'll probably do something stupid while I'm alone. But hey, that happens all the time. My life is one huge stupid mistake…

I considered inviting her to my home over our Thanksgiving break, but then decided against it. That'd be too much of a risk. I know I probably overthought all the situations that could happen if she came back with me, but anything is a possibility. Who knows? Maybe we'd have all these pent up feelings for each other that when we're finally alone we end up having sex. I know that might seem crazy, but like I said: You never know. I mean, it's only mid-September now. Break isn't for another two months almost. Things can change, and knowing the way my life goes, things will _definitely _change. I just know it…

_NEW_

"She's been ignoring me for the last three days Rapunzel!" I exclaim, letting my phone fall beside me onto my bed. "No texts, no calls…she's been avoiding me too. It's like she doesn't want anything to do with me!"

I don't know whether to be upset or angry right now. Maybe I'm both. Okay, I get that Elsa goes through a lot of terrible things in her life, but I wish she'd just send me one text to let me know if she's okay or not. One text! That's all I need. That way I don't feel like she's ignoring me and that she might have regretted ever taking me with her on Sunday. I mean, she shared the worst detail of her life with me. She told me the biggest thing that destroys her. She told my why she's broken. It'd be hard for me to accept if she regrets the decision to do that, but if she would have sent me a text or called me then maybe we could find a way to work out whatever is going on.

"Hey…she told you that the whole thing with her parents was a touchy subject. She told you about her problems. She's probably just afraid that you'll think differently of her," Rapunzel tells me.

"No…I know she doesn't think that. I told her I'd never leave her. She kissed me and – ohhh shit…" I look over at Rapunzel, who is now glaring at me with pure anger. I never told her about our first kiss that night after the party, and I never told her that Elsa basically said she might return some of my feelings.

"You two kissed?!" she yells. "Anna…how stupid are you? Elsa has a _girlfriend_! As in…she's taken, off-limits, not in reach, unobtainable…and you two kissed? The girl is already fucked up as it is, and you coming in and fucking with her emotions is only gonna - ,"

"Do _not _put this on me!" I shout back. "Might I inform you that _she's _the one who instigated the kiss! She wanted to kiss me! She feels the same way about me and - ,"

"You don't know that. What if you're just some little crush she has, some love affair she has behind her girlfriend's back. She'll go to you, tell you her darkest secrets, get in your pants, and then she'll turn back around and fuck her girlfriend," she says matter-of-factly.

"No. You're wrong Rapunzel. Elsa is nothing like that. She respects girls…she'd never do something like that," I respond, my voice softening a little. "I know I'm right when I say that she has feelings for me…otherwise, why would she kiss me? I know it's a sticky situation because of Belle but - ,"

"Anna you're setting yourself up for heartbreak," Rapunzel interrupts yet again. "Either that, or you're setting Belle up for heartbreak. Who knows? Maybe all three of you will end up hurt after this. Fucking with people already in a relationship isn't a good idea."

I know she's right. This isn't a good idea. But damn it Elsa is just so amazing and beautiful and I can't help but fall in love with her every day. If she didn't have a girlfriend then this whole thing would be so much easier. And I hate to admit it but…I'm jealous of Belle.

She gets to see Elsa every day, talk to her, hold her hand, hug her, kiss her…suck her dick. They probably have sex every week. I know it can't be too good to think about, but I've had my fair share of fantasies about where I'd love Elsa to fuck me. It's bad, I know. I sound like I only want her for her dick now. But I promise that's not true! It'd just be nice though…for her to be my first and for me to be hers. But no…because I know that if Elsa and I do actually have sex, she'll already have fucked Belle, and who knows how many times that's happened already…

"Hey," Rapunzel says, drawing me out of my thoughts. "All I'm saying is that I think you should settle down a little bit. I don't want you making a decision you'll end up regretting. That's the last thing I'd want for you…and I know Elsa wouldn't want that either. She'd feel terrible if you regretted something and she was the cause of it."

"I know…I'm just so in love with this girl Punzie. It's crazy. I never thought it'd get to the point where my heart physically aches if I don't see her during the day or if she doesn't text me. It sucks…"

"If you're really set on believing that Elsa might feel the same way about you, then you just need to wait it out. If she truly loves you and wants you too, then I'm sure she'll do something about that," she says.

"She's too afraid of hurting Belle," I mutter.

"Hey…you'll figure it out, Elsa will figure it out, and I'm sure in the end something will work. I think you need to be more cautious though, because the last think you need is to wind up with a broken heart because of this."

I don't understand how Rapunzel is right about all of this. She comes across as one of the dumbest person ever, but she actually knows a thing or two about love and feelings. She's kind of a love expert in my eyes. I feel like because she's gone through a lot with Eugene, she knows what it's like to feel hurt or rejected. It's nice to have her to talk to.

But nothing will ever stop my affection for Elsa. Her looks captured me the second I saw her, and the more I got to know her I just kept falling and falling until I crossed the point of no return. And no matter how much I think about it, no matter what scenarios I come up with in my head, I still feel like my heart is going to break at some point during this.

_NEW_

_Come on Elsa, _I tell myself. _You just have to press the call button. _I look up from my phone and am greeted by the gorgeous sunset before me. I didn't have anywhere to be, so I thought I'd come here. It's a nice little back road that goes through one of the many mountains surrounding ArendelleU's campus. It leads out to a clearing right next to a cliff, and it's high enough to see the entire campus and even some of the small towns. The other mountains on the horizon make it beautiful. The sun drops behind them, and the light reflects off of the lake… I came here a lot my freshman year. It's usually where I go when I want to be alone. Only Belle and Kristoff know how much I love coming up here.

I take a long drag from the joint in my hand. Don't ask how I got it…let's just say I know someone. It feels good. It's not like I missed it or anything, but it helps to take my mind off of everything that's bothering me. I mean, it can do that, but it can also make me even worse. Sometimes I try to hurt myself or I end up drinking too. That's not a good combination.

Again, it's a lose-lose situation for me. I either end up totally blazed and completely unaware of my surroundings, or I end up becoming more depressed and rant about how much my life sucks and why everyone would be better off without me because well…it's true. And sometimes I end up drunk, blazed, ranting, and unaware of my surroundings and actions. Putting alcohol and drugs together makes me do things I normally wouldn't do when I'm in my right mind. Okay…I'm never really completely in my right mind, but when I'm…grounded? I don't know the right word for it. So basically, things I usually wouldn't do when I somewhat normal and stable are the things I do when I'm both drunk and high.

I press the call button, and it doesn't take long for her to answer.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" she screams into the phone. "You don't answer my texts, you don't return my calls, you avoid me during the day…what the fuck Elsa?!"

"Heyyy…calm down. I'm finneee, I swear. Jussst…come to the cliff. I havvee some ddrrrinks." Oh yeah…I'm high as fuck right now.

"Why the fuck are you there?! You know what…never mind…I'll be there in twenty minutes." She hangs up.

Man…girlfriends can really overreact sometimes. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Okay, this is my second joint and I'm halfway through a bottle of Belvedere – again, I know someone – and I've only been here for forty minutes…so what?

I mean, I know I shouldn't be doing this, because when I'm high, I'm more apt to hurt myself and act like a downright idiot. And when I'm drunk, well…isn't that obvious? I do things I would never do and I make bad decisions. And I have no idea why I do this either, because I always end up regretting it, and it only makes me hate myself even more.

* * *

"What the fuck is wrong with you Elsa?!"

"That's nnnott a good wayyy to grreet yyyour girrlfrienndd," I answer, rolling off the hood of my car and grabbing the bottle of Belvedere. I nearly fall over from the sudden change in my position…and the fact that I have to move my legs kind of bothers me too.

"Oh God…you're drunk too. What a surprise…" Belle locks her car doors and comes over to me. She looks pissed, and I don't know why. Did I say or do something wrong already?

"Heyyy…don't be anngrry," I slur out. I take one last drag from my joint before I toss it carelessly onto the ground. "Wannt a drrink?" She grabs the bottle from my hand and chucks it into the bushes. "Hey, whhatt the fucckk?"

"I should be asking you that same question," she says shortly. "Why are you here? And more importantly, why are you smoking and drinking?"

"I jusstt wannted to," I answer.

"That's obviously a lie. Why'd you even ask me to come? Usually you like to be alone here."

I grin and put my arms around her waist. "Acctuallyy…I was thinkkingg this time, we coulddd havvee sex."

"Oh my God…Elsa, are you even listening to yourself?" She puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me away.

"Belle…" I whine, "we've been togethherr for likeee, fivvee months noww."

"And…?"

"Aannddd…I wanna have sex witthhh you, and I'm allsso kinndaa horrnny right now." Oh wow, I'm so drunk.

"This is how you are when you're drunk Elsa. I've put up with this shit for five months, I know that whenever you drink, you always try to have sex with me…even when we promised we'd wait."

"We've wwaitted ffforr so lllonngg though!"

"No…Elsa. Please, just stop," she says firmly. "You're high and drunk, and you have no idea what you're doing or saying. I don't know why you're doing this, and I hate that you won't tell me. What's wrong? I know something is up...you always want to drink whenever you're upset. Is it about your parents? Are you having flashbacks? Please…just tell me Elsa!" Her voice is more desperate now, and I can see the tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't keep doing this!" she continues. "You don't share a lot of things with me, and that makes me feel like you don't trust me enough… I just – I want to help you Elsa."

"Whhyy do youu care?"

The tears immediately vanish from her eyes, and she crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at me with the same amount of anger as the moment she came here. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What…it's trruue. No one carres abboutt me. I'm bassicallyyy worthhlless."

"Elsa…no. Please, don't say that about yourself."

"Then what should I say?!" I normally wouldn't yell at her like this. I know it's the alcohol, but I can't stop it. "Should I say that I'm fine? That I'm happy with my life? Yeah…let me do that! Let me leave out the parts about me being fucked up in my mind and having so many problems I lose track of them! Let me neglect to share the part about when I saw my parents die right in front of me! Let me leave out the part when I buried them alone! Do you want me to do that Belle? Do you want me to lie to myself?"

"No…Elsa…that's not what I meant," she says softly as she lets a tear fall down her cheek. I don't move to wipe it away. I'm too drunk and angry to be sentimental with her right now.

"Thennn what did you mmmean?" I ask lowly. I grab her by the arms and turn her so she's facing me and has no choice but to look me in the eyes. My grip is pretty strong too…I'm probably hurting her. Then again, I'm too drunk to notice.

"You convince yourself that no one cares about you," she starts. "That's not true. I care about you. Kristoff, Jack, your friends, your team…they all care about you. You never believe me though…"

"But no onnee woulddd really care ifff I was gone."

"Stop saying that Elsa! How many times will I have to say it before I finally feel like you'll believe me?! I care about you…I _love _you Elsa! Christ…I love you so much."

"How do I knnoww ifff you mean thhatt?" I get out.

"I tell you every day, I show you all the time…I'd do anything for you Elsa. I'd give my life for you! Do you really not think I love you?"

"It's beccaussee I donn't know whhatt love is…" I say softly. "I ffeltt so abandoned wh-when my parrentss died. No one rreally knows whhatt I went th-through affterr the accident. I c-couldn't connect wi-with people…couldn't re-relate to thhemm."

"So you never connected with me then?"

Where the fuck did she come up with that assumption? "Wha- no! Belle I - ,"

"You took me out on dates, you got to know me, you hugged me, you kissed me…and now you're saying you never truly connected with me?"

"No…y-you're taking this the wrong - ,"

"I don't want to hear it Elsa! You said you couldn't connect or relate to other people after the accident. So what does that make me? Someone you can make out with and fuck?"

"No…"

"Someone who sucks your dick and makes you feel good for a moment?"

"No." The tears are falling from my eyes. I don't even know when they started. But the thing that's worrying me is that the anger is also building up. And I'm drunk…there's no telling what I'll do.

"Am I some sort of prize to you?"

"God…no, Belle just - ,"

"Am I a distraction for you?"

"Please Belle, just - ,"

"You never really loved me, did you?"

She's taking all of this way out of hand, and she won't even let me explain what I meant. And I'm drunk and depressed and angry and that combination will never end well for me. Her last statement only made my anger peak... And then I snapped. "_Will you just shut up and listen to me!_" I scream at her. And I don't really know when I did it. It was like I completely lost control of myself. But there are no excuses for this. The only thing that matters is that I _did it. _And something like this is so beyond me, so not like me, because I'd never do it to anyone I care about. But she kept going and she kept pushing me, and the alcohol was clouding my brain and wasn't letting me think straight. And I had no idea what I was doing. It just…happened.

And it all went so fast. My vision is blurry from the tears filling my eyes, but I can make out Belle storming back to her car, holding the side of her face. She's crying, I know she is.

Belle deserves so much better than me. I don't know why she got herself involved with a mentally ill, alcohol drinking, drug using, fucked up person like me. I'm only bringing her down with all my problems. Why doesn't she realize that? I'm not a good person to be around. I don't know why Belle loves me. I don't know why Anna fell for me. I'm a person who makes stupid and bad decisions and I end up dragging other people into those decisions with me…

I sink down to the ground and lean against the door of my car as she drives off. How can she forgive me for this? I mean, we had a big fight…but we've had a few of those before and we've always found a way to move on from them. But this? No…there's no way she can forgive me. Sure, I can tell her that I was high. I can tell her I was drunk. I can tell her I'm in a depressive state. She knows that though. And she also knows that I'm not in my right mind right now. But nothing can explain this. No matter how many times I apologize, she won't forgive me. I know she won't, because I know I'll never be able to forgive myself. There's nothing I can say or do that will make up for this and make her believe that I'll never do it again, that she can trust me.

No…there's no excuse for me hitting my girlfriend.

* * *

**A/N: Here are some emotions between Belle and Elsa to make you think about my question again: Belsa sex? Or no Belsa sex? Leave a review or PM me with your opinion.**

**I know…kind of a short chapter, but I needed to get this little thing (actually kind of a big thing) out of the way before I continue. There will be some time frame skips within the next couple chapters and yes, the chapters will be longer, so keep a heads up for those…I'll be sure to put a reminder at the beginning of the chapters though!**

**I'm just gonna start preparing you now: something is gonna happen, and you won't be expecting it. But I'm gonna rip your hearts out with it. This will be an Elsanna story…I know a lot of you want that already but: BE PATIENT! The Elsanna will happen soon enough! Like I've said, I'm building a lot of emotions in this story by using the psychological aspects of Elsa. **

**This story is just a giant ball of angst, and it's gonna stay that way for a little while longer.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: What is this? Another update so quickly?! Remarkable, I know. I can't say how long it'll be until the next chapter...probably a week or so.**

**Go vote on the new poll! Thanks!**

**By the way... Thanks so much for all your opinions! I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided not to put Belsa sex in this fic. I do agree with a few of you that too much angst in a story can be a bad thing. Belsa sex would add a whole bunch more of that, and even when I leave that out, there's still much more angst to come.**

**Follow my tumblr: to-kill-a-mockingjay20**

**Trigger warning: Self-harm**

* * *

Chapter 9

_Two and a half weeks later_

Usually my depressive states only last for a couple weeks. This one has been going on for three weeks now. That means I haven't spoken to or seen Belle for almost a month. That means it's been almost a month since I hit her. She's tried calling me, but I haven't answered. She's tried to see me, but I never opened the door to my room for her.

Another wave of guilt crashes through me, and it's followed by another swipe of the blade on my skin.

Why is she even trying? How can she call me and leave a message saying that she wants to talk to me and that she still loves me? How can she still trust me? I hit her! It was hard too. I caught a glimpse of her in the dining hall one day…she had a bruise on her cheek. Agh…what kind of person am I? How could I do something like that? To Belle of all people! She's kind and caring and loving. She doesn't deserve any of this, and I don't deserve her…

I can feel the blood trickling down my arm now. It sucks whenever this happens, because sometimes I can't control myself and I can't stop. Sometimes I think about killing myself. I'm doing that right now. It'd be so easy to do…just a swipe of the blade to my wrist, and then it'd be over.

I shake my head and set the blade on my desk. Something is stopping me from doing it. _Anna. _I only saw her twice during these past few weeks. We talked a little bit, but they were short conversations…distant too. I feel like whenever I'm depressed everyone around me starts to hate me. I don't know. It just seemed like Anna was mad at me. Maybe it was because I didn't make an effort to see her. That's a logical reason. But I don't want Anna to be mad at me…because I love her.

I've gotten to that point now where I can't deny it any longer. I love Anna. There's just something about her that pulls me towards her. And I know if I keep this up with Belle…nothing good will come of it. Nothing good is happening now. We fought and I hit her. But there's still a part of me that loves her. Now though, I know it's not the same love I hold for Anna. It's the best friend kind of love. I'll always care about Belle and I'll always want her to be a part of my life, but those romantic feelings are slipping away.

Yes, I think she's beautiful and I'm attracted to her…but now, that's where those feelings stop. It's just attraction. She's someone I'd have a one night stand with. I can't see myself having that deep emotional connection with her anymore if we had sex. Yes, my heart would beat out of my chest…but it'd be that way out of regret because I'd know I don't truly love her like that. The only person I feel like I can have that with now is Anna. I'd regret it if my first time was with anyone but her, anyone but that amazing redhead girl who came into my life and made me completely re-evaluate what true love is. And now that I _have _thought about it: True love is Anna.

I pick up my phone. _"Meet me by the lake in ten minutes" _I type, and then I hit send. I know what I'm doing. I have to do it, even though I know it's going to hurt me.

* * *

It's not easy…to end a relationship with someone. We've been with each other for nearly six months now, and that's a pretty long time these days. So of course it's tough. Of course it hurts. But I think she knew it was going to happen. I feel like she might have the same idea tonight anyway.

My left hand is in my sweatshirt pocket. The sleeve is pulled over my arm. I don't want her to see what's under it. That'd only make both of us feel even worse. My right hand holds a cigarette. I put it between my lips, take a drag from it, and then bring it back down beside me.

It's a chilly night. A cold breeze blows off of the lake in front of us. It's actually really beautiful. The mountains on the opposite side of it don't seem real. They look as if someone painted them into the horizon, a light mist covering them. It makes them more mysterious. Each mountain has something different about them. They're beautiful to look at, but once you push past that layer of mist and cloudiness they each have something that defines them.

Jeez…I'm really messed up if I'm relating to a mountain…

"I just want you to be okay." Her voice brings my mind back to Earth, and I turn to face her. She looks so sad right now, so helpless…it breaks my heart.

"I'll never be okay."

"I'm not saying I can fix you," she answers. "And I'm not saying I'm going to try and fix you. But I'll always be here whenever you need me."

"How can you still say that?" I ask, a slight tinge of anger in my voice. "How can you still come back to me after what I did?"

She looks at the ground, and I can tell she's trying her hardest not to cry. "Because I – I love you…"

"How is that possible? I hurt you! I physically hurt you!" I exclaim, my voice rising in volume.

"Just because you'll never forgive yourself for that doesn't mean I won't either. It's hard for me to understand…but I'm trying to forgive you Elsa. I _want _to forgive you."

"How do you know I won't do it again? What if I snap again? I can tell you I won't do it, but how can you be sure? I don't want to do that to you. I care about you too much." I shouldn't have said that to her. Yes, of course I care about her, but now I'm confusing myself, because 'care' is being mixed up with 'love', and then 'love' is being replaced with 'lust'.

"I trust you Elsa, and - ,"

"That's your first mistake. Your second and biggest mistake was falling in love with me," I say cutting her off. Why would she trust a bipolar person with PTSD? Even more, how could she love someone as messed up as me?

"I didn't choose to fall in love with you Elsa," she answers. "I didn't expect it. We were friends at first. You made me happy. And then it just…happened. It wasn't something I could control. I didn't fall for you gradually Elsa. I fell head over heels for you, all at once. It was scary and confusing, but I didn't regret it for one second. And even now, I still don't regret it."

See, this is why I'm so conflicted: Anna and Belle are very alike. Sure, Anna is clumsier and more awkward, but they're both caring and sweet…and they both happen to put all their trust in someone who's only going to end up breaking them. But no matter what that person does, no matter how badly that person might hurt them, they keep coming back for more. And they don't care how many punches or scars that person inflicts on them, because they love that person so much they'd give their life for that person if they had to.

And that person is me. I'm the cause of their tears. I'm the one who makes them suffer. And I know Belle would be better off without me, but there's something about her words that makes me believe her. And I know I shouldn't drag her back down with me. But I can't let go of her yet.

"Do you wanna try?" I get out after I take another drag from my cigarette.

"Try what?"

"To do this…_us_…for a little bit longer," I say. I throw my cigarette onto the ground and take her hands in mine. Shit, what am I doing? This is yet another bad decision I'm making. But my life is filled with bad decisions. Yet somehow, it still feels right; to hold her hand, to hug her, to kiss her…

She lets out a long sigh and meets my eyes with her own, and they're clouded and glossy from her tears. "I don't know…" she gets out. "I just feel like something between us isn't working."

"Then come back with me over Thanksgiving break," I say quickly. "A-At least then, we'll have more time together, and-and we can talk or whatever and try to figure it out maybe?" I sound a little more desperate than I would have liked, but I can't lose her…not yet. I don't know what happened to me just now, but I've never wanted to keep someone in my life so badly the way I want to keep Belle right now.

She smiles at me. "Yeah…okay. That – that would be good for us I think. I uh, I can only come back for one day though. I promised my dad I'd visit him and spend the holiday with him."

"Yeah, that's okay. I just…I want us to work this out. I – I know what I did is unforgivable, and even though no amount of apologies can ever change that, I need you to know that I'm sorry. There's just – there's so much shit going on in my life all the time, and sometimes I break," I tell her. "It's not that I wanted to…to…do _that_. I just snapped because I don't want you to think for a second that I don't love you." I lace our fingers together and give a weak smile.

She brings her free hand up and rests it on the side of my neck. "I must admit sometimes it's hard to be with you. I feel like your issues can come between us. But then again, that comes with loving someone right? You need to accept their flaws and their mistakes…and that's what I do. I'll always forgive you for any mistake of yours Elsa. I'll help you get through any problem you have, because I love you," she answers.

This isn't right. I can't keep leading her on like this. Why can't I just tell her that I'm in love with someone else? Because it'd break her heart, that's why. Ugh, I'm not even thinking logically here. Her heart is going to break no matter what, and I'll be the cause of it.

"Belle…I need you to trust me when I tell you I'll never do it again. I didn't mean to and – and I'm so sorry. I just – I can't even understand why I did it." I pull her towards me and wrap my arms tightly around her waist. She responds by draping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face in my chest.

"I do trust you," she says into the soft fabric of my sweatshirt. She pulls away slightly so she can look into my eyes. "And I know you didn't mean it. We'll work through this together. I'll be right here for you through all of it. Okay?"

I nod and rest my forehead against hers. "Okay."

* * *

_NEW_

I can't take this anymore. Elsa hasn't talked to me for almost a month now. Aside from me being angry at her…I'm worried about her. Did something happen to her? Is she okay? Whatever it is, I can't take not seeing or talking to her. I feel empty without her. I've been spending more time with Rapunzel and Jack and my boxing team, but they don't even compare to Elsa. Jack is the closest I get considering he's her brother, but still…_Elsa. _

We have a boxing tournament after Thanksgiving break, and it's at home, so maybe I can get her to come to that. She said she would.

She hasn't had a home game for the last couple weeks either. They were all away. They won all of them though. Her team is undefeated. She got shutouts four of the five games they've played so far. They don't have games this weekend, so maybe I can see her then. Ah, what am I saying? She'll probably still ignore me.

I pull my gym bag over my shoulder and start my usual walk back to my dorm room. Practice wasn't that tough today. We were just in the gym doing squats, cleans, and what have you. I'm still tired though. Aurora left already, so I guess I'm stuck walking alone.

And to my luck, I walk out of the boxing arena the same time Elsa comes out of the hockey rink. She's walking away from me, but I'm not letting her slip away this time.

I jog over to her and put my hand on her shoulder a little more forcefully than I had intended. Whatever…I'm actually pretty angry right now. I mean, who ignores someone for a whole month and doesn't even tell them why?

"What the fuck is your problem?" I say lowly, the annoyance and anger in my voice still there though.

"Anna…I swear, I can - ,"

"Yeah, you can explain Elsa." She takes a step back from me, and I can see the worry lacing through her eyes. "You can explain to me why you never returned any of my texts or calls for nearly a month. Not only am I upset with you, but I'm concerned! I thought something happened to you!"

She drops her head and looks at the ground and runs her hand through her hair before looking back up at me. "I'm sorry. It was…pretty bad, and I'm not sure if - ,"

"Just tell me Elsa! You told me the darkest things about you and then you just shut me out! It made me feel like you regretted your decision to trust me!"

Her eyes widen slightly at my words, and she rushes to try and explain. "No…I do trust you. A-And this had nothing to do with what I told you. I was emotionally unstable because – because I was in a depressive state. I still am actually. And I shut everyone out when that happens. Don't think for a second it was something you did or that I regretted telling you those things. I'd – I'd never regret anything with you Anna."

"Then what is it? Elsa please tell me."

"It's just…Belle and I, we – we're having some issues." Her face falls immediately and I can see the sadness clouding her eyes. She's shutting in on herself right now. I know she is. But I'm not going to let that happen.

"I'm sorry…I – I had no idea. I shouldn't have - ,"

"I hit her," she says suddenly.

"Wait, what?"

"We got into a fight…and I hit her." Her tone of voice is so apathetic. There's not even an expression on her face that gives me insight to how she feels. She's just…blank…right now.

"I uh…I'm - ,"

"We're still together though. I thought she'd break up with me, and if she didn't then I was prepared to break up with her but…I just couldn't do it."

Something just happened in Elsa's mind. I'm not sure what, but some sort of switch that controls her emotions either isn't on or it broke, because she isn't showing anything right now.

"I'm sorry Anna," she continues, and I can sense a little more feeling coming back to her as I see her eyes soften a bit. "I just – I'm really confused right now; about my feelings for her _and _about my feelings for you. It's a lot to handle right now."

"No, it's okay…I guess. I just wish you would have at least sent me a text or something…ya know, to let me know you were still alive."

"I'm sorry," she says again as she lets out a small laugh. "I'm getting a little better now. Not like…_better _better, but I'm coming out of my depressive state. So basically I won't shut everyone out. It's just something you'll get used to over time."

"I don't think I could ever get used to that," I reply. "I missed you a lot."

"I missed you too. But I promise I'll spend more time with you." She smiles at me. It's a full smile this time. Her blue eyes light up, and I can't control it as my heart melts. _Elsa, you're so perfect. Please just marry me and let me have your children. _Wow, okay, where the hell did that come from?

"Maybe we can hang out this weekend?" I ask with hopefulness in my voice.

"Yeah…I'd like that. Text me okay?"

"I will."

"Alright then. I'll uh, see you this weekend." She smiles again and gives me a small, adorkable little wave before she heads off in the direction of her car.

Ahhhh…Elsa Frost, please, please, _please _just be mine.

* * *

_NEW_

_Saturday_

It's the weekend. I don't have any hockey games. And I get to spend time with Anna today. I feel a lot better, which is good. Although, my depressive state lasted about three and a half weeks, which isn't good. I'm pretty sure me hitting Belle had something to do with it, but at least it's over.

I'm taking Anna up to the cliff with me. We just want to have some alone time and talk and get to know each other even more. Plus, she's never been to the cliff, and no one should miss out on that gorgeous sight.

Mulan is gone already. I know I've probably said this every weekend but…who would want to have a class on Saturday? That's just ridiculous to me. And as committed to my academics as I am, I'd never wake up at eight in the morning on a Saturday to learn.

I slowly get out of bed, letting out an exaggerated groan as I do so. As much as I'm excited to finally see Anna, it's always a struggle to get out of bed on the weekends. It's only ten thirty…I could have easily slept for another two hours. I swear, it's remarkable I'm such a good athlete considering how lazy I am sometimes.

I take out a pair of black sweatpants with 'Arendelle Hockey' running down the right leg and throw on a blue Under Armour shirt. It's kind of chilly today, but I think I can manage the walk to my car in just a shirt. I have my gorgeous Superman sweatshirt waiting for me in the backseat so…yeah.

I quickly comb through my hair before I braid it a little loosely and sloppily. I push my bangs out of my face and grab my keys and glasses off my desk. I shove the glasses onto my face and then head out of my room.

I told Anna to meet me by my car around ten forty five, and sure enough, there she is, leaning against the passenger door. A huge smile splits her face when she sees me, and I can't help but return it as I feel my heart flutter in my chest. It feels like forever since I've seen her smile, and now I realize just how empty I've been without her.

"You know, I really missed you," I say to her as I pull out of the parking lot. "I missed talking to you and seeing you. I missed your laugh and smile. And again, I'm so sorry I never called or anything to let you know what was going on. You deserved that much."

"Elsa, you don't need to apologize. It's okay," she answers. "I was just worried about you." There's a pause, and she lets out a long sigh. "And I know you probably don't want to talk about this but…I feel really badly that you and Belle are having…issues. I know how much you love her."

It's hard, I'll say that for sure; to have Anna sitting next to me, basically implying that she wishes I would love her the way I love Belle. I want to tell her I do so badly. I want to hold her right now and kiss her and tell her that I'll never leave her because I love her more than anything or anyone in the world… But I can't. I can't bring myself to do that right now, and it hurts so much. It's torture to be stuck like this. I know I'll end up breaking Belle's heart, but I guess that's what happens when you fall in love with someone else.

"Are you two gonna stay together?" Anna asks suddenly.

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure. We both agreed that something just isn't working between us so…I'm not sure how much longer we're gonna last," I say honestly. I pull onto the side of the road and park my car. Then I grab my sweatshirt from the backseat. Anna follows me across the dirt road to where the cliff is.

"Whoa…this is beautiful," Anna says.

"Yeah…it really is." I take a seat on the dry ground, and within a few seconds Anna joins me. There's a comfortable silence between us as we take in the sight before us.

The sun is high in the sky, and its light reflects off the lake. The mountains are still green, although most of the trees' leaves have begun to turn red and orange and brown since autumn is setting in. And the fact that I have Anna next to me makes it even more amazing. I turn my head to look at Anna, and I'm met with her gorgeous teal eyes staring right back at me.

"What?" I get out, a lopsided grin coming to my face.

"You're beautiful," she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

My grin turns into a full smile as I look back out over the cliff. Can this girl be any more perfect? I reach out to take one of her hands in my own and I intertwine our fingers.

"Hey Anna," I say.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure if you're up to talking about it now but…you said that you wanted to tell me a little about your life. I mean, if you don't want to - ,"

"No, it's okay Elsa…really," she answers cutting me off. "I wanted to tell you after you took me to the cemetery, but clearly I never got the chance. Rapunzel is really the only person who knows how bad it is considering she's my cousin but…I've never really told anyone else."

I put my arms around her waist and pull her against me, and I place a small kiss on the top of her head. It's my way of showing her that she can tell me, that whatever it is, I'll be here for her and that no matter what, she'll be okay.

"Elsa, what were your parents like when they found out – or when you told them – that you were gay?" she asks me.

"They embraced it…said that I was their daughter and they'd love me no matter what. They didn't really think much of it though. They said love is love, and they'd approve of whomever I wanted to be with as long as they respected me and returned the love I gave them," I answer.

Honestly, I had the best parents in the world. Yes, they were a little confused and shocked when I came out to them. I mean, what parent wouldn't be unless they already knew? But they didn't hate me for it or disown me or anything like that. They accepted me. They told me that as long as I was happy they'd be happy too. They were amazing. God, I miss them so much…

"You're lucky…" she mutters. "Mine weren't like that. They didn't kick me out or anything when I told them but…they didn't handle it well either. They, uh…they're religious, so I think you can imagine how that went over with them."

Yeah…I can imagine. Since I've said it before, you already know that my parents were fine with my sexuality. See, my mom was Jewish and my dad was Catholic, so it took Dad a little longer to fully wrap his brain around it. At first he told himself that in the Bible, it sort of says homosexuality is wrong. I mean, I don't read the Bible or anything…I took after Mom and went with Judaism. It was just better for me in my eyes. Anyway, Dad had a talk with me about it, and he told me what his religion said…and I accepted it. I asked him if he hated because of my sexuality, and he said no. I asked him why, and he said 'what's the point of hating someone if God is love?' And I swear, I never loved my dad more than in that moment.

_NEW_

It's hard for me to talk about. I know there are plenty of other kids in this world that are going through the same thing, but still…it's hard. It's hard when your parents don't believe you about your sexuality. It's hard when they don't accept you.

"They told me that they were sure I was just going through a phase," I say to Elsa. I'm still snuggled up tightly against her side, and right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I feel so safe in her arms. They hold me so carefully yet so strongly. They make me feel like she'll always be there to catch me whenever I fall.

"That's ridiculous," she responds.

"I know…they sent me to a Catholic school for high school. They said that if I discovered Jesus, maybe I'd change. They told me Jesus could heal me." I feel the tears prickling my eyes, and they aren't all from sadness either. They're from amusement at the fact that there are people in this world who truly think that I can just…go back to being straight. They think it's a choice to be gay. They're so wrong though…

"I really hate people like that," Elsa says. "I mean, I'm sure your parents are nice people but…sometimes religion can get in the way of what makes them good."

"I get what you're saying. They don't really treat me all that differently. We go out and laugh…and we're a nice family. It's only when I bring it up or something like that…then they get pretty nasty. I know they don't mean to hurt me, but sometimes they can take it too far," I tell her. "They only got worse when I was bullied at school for it. They kept telling that 'well maybe if you just stopped then the kids wouldn't act that way towards you.'"

"It makes me angry sometimes," Elsa replies, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "You never see a movement for straight people. You never see someone ask them 'when did you decide to be straight?' or 'what happened that made you straight?' There's never any of that. If you asked a straight person to try changing their sexuality for one day, they'd say that they can't. And yet…all of that is different once you change the word 'straight' to 'gay'."

"You're really smart. You know that right?" Maybe it's the fact that she's a Psychology major…I don't know. But she knows what to say and when to say it. She makes things make sense, and even though she thinks she's crazy and fucked up, _I _think she's actually pretty grounded.

"I'm just speaking my mind."

"Well…your mind is really smart." She laughs. God, I love making her laugh. It's such an amazing feeling to see her smile or to hear her laugh and to know that I was the one who made her happy for that moment, that me, the clumsy and awkward Anna Lehner, can make the beautiful and talented and perfect Elsa Frost happy.

"But it's true," she says. "And…I'm sorry you have to go through that. I guess I kind of took it for granted how amazing my parents were to me. I guess I lucked out," she finishes with a small laugh.

"Yeah, you certainly did. But like I said, my parents _are _nice people. It's just when it comes to that…" It's hard to explain it to someone who hasn't gone through it. It's a little easier with Elsa though. Sure, she didn't have the hardship of having her parents think she could be "cured" or whatever, but she does know what it's like to be judged and whatnot.

"Hey, it's okay." She presses her lips against my temple, and I savor the feeling of her lips on my skin. "You're strong, and you deal with it. It must be tough to live with, and I can only imagine the emotional damage it's caused you."

"It really gets to me sometimes," I get out as I try to hold back my tears. "It's just…hard to believe that my parents, after all these years, could just stop loving me. I mean, I'm sure they still _do _love me. But sometimes…it's hard to tell. I feel like they're conflicted."

"With their beliefs and what their religion teaches them, I'm sure they are."

"I felt so alone in high school," I tell her. "My parents wouldn't accept me, and my friends left me because they thought my lifestyle was 'gross.' I didn't have anyone except Rapunzel, and she was two and a half hours away from me. I just felt so small and abandoned. I mean, I had a few good times during high school. Boxing was fun and my team grew to accept me, but other than that, I felt like nothing."

"Now that…I can definitely relate to. Maybe all of us go through at least one moment or period in our lives when we feel like there's no one there for us. And maybe some of us have it worse than others," she says. Okay, now I'm not so sure where she's going with this one… "But, we can be pulled out of that loneliness and escape that feeling of abandonment every once in a while. That happens when we meet the right person, when we have someone who understands us, and when we have someone who won't give up on us like so many others have."

She tilts my head up so our eyes meet, and there's nothing but love and care shining in her bright blue eyes right now. She's so beautiful. I love her.

"You're that person for me Anna," she continues. "You came into my life and showed me that maybe, just maybe, I can pull myself out of all this. You gave me hope that one day I might be okay. And…I want to be that person for you too Anna."

"From the moment I met you, I knew you were that person," I say softly.

And I know she has a girlfriend, and I know she's basically cheating on Belle with me, but frankly…I don't care. I don't care because I know Elsa loves me too. I know that we'll be together at some point…somehow, someway, it'll happen. And there's not a day that goes by that I regret falling for this girl.

"What's your favorite color?" she asks suddenly.

Oh…well, okay then. "Hm…green or orange. But like, a grass green. Ya know, when the grass is lush and full, and it just looks perfect…that kind of green. And for orange…not like an ugly orange, but more of a sunset kind of orange. There are other colors mixed into it that emphasize its beauty, and it's warm and inviting…I love it." I turn my body a little bit so I can face her. "What about you?"

"Blue or purple. Honestly, it can be any kind of blue. I don't know what it is about the color, but I just love it. I also love that pale blue color. In winter, the ice is usually clear, but every so often, when the light hits it the right way, there's the faintest trace of blue, and it's amazing. As for purple; it has to be a royal purple. Ya know the L.A. Kings' jerseys right before they got their new ones?" I nod…because I actually do. My dad follows hockey. "Yeah…that kind of purple."

"Well…since we both just gave detailed and emotional descriptions of our favorite colors," I start, and we both laugh a little, "what's your favorite book?"

"I have too many to say," she answers. "I love to read. I think any book that does a really amazing and powerful job of putting me in a character's shoes or putting me in a different world is my favorite kind of book. Sometimes that doesn't happen, and I don't enjoy it as much. But those books where I can see what the characters see and feel what they feel…yeah…those are my favorites."

"I wish I could do that; just sit down and read a book. I'm not motivated enough though," I say. "But I loved The Hunger Games Trilogy."

"I thoroughly enjoyed those as well. They were really well written." She faces me completely and looks at me with a more serious expression. "Now…this is a very important question: Do you like the Twilight series?"

"Ew…no!" I exclaim, scrunching my face up to show my disgust. Those books were…ugh…don't even get me started. "I couldn't even make it through the first one!"

She lets out a long sigh and smiles. "Okay good…because if you said you liked them, or that you were one of those Team Jacob or Team Edward people, then I'd have to leave you right now," she jokes.

"You wouldn't."

"If you liked Twilight I would." She smirks at me, and I swear that smirk is the sexiest thing I've ever seen her do.

"Okay, umm…favorite food?" I ask.

"You can't be serious. Anna, I love food! Do I really have to answer?"

"Yes, you have to. I'm making you choose. Like, what's something you could eat every day and never get tired of it?"

"Pizza," she says. "Definitely pizza. I can pig out on that any day. Anna, make a mental note of this: If you want me to love you then you should bring me pizza."

I laugh and playfully hit her arm. "Okay…whatever you say Elsie." I blush immediately after the name slips out of my mouth. I totally didn't mean that…she probably hates it.

"Wait…what did you just call me?"

"Uh…Elsie? I'm sorry. I just said it. I don't know why. But I kind of like it! Is it okay if I call you that? Like, as a nickname though."

"Um, well, it's a little perky but…go for it," she says.

"Oh…really? Okay, awesome! Again, I'm sorry if you hate it I just wasn't thinking and it just came out and - ,"

"Anna…it's fine. Don't worry, I'll think of a nickname for you in time." She grins at me, and I can't help but giggle when her eyes meet mine. Ah, what this girl does to me. _Urghhh, Elsa, just let me have your babies. _Wow, okay, I really need to stop saying that to myself. "Anyway," she continues, "what's your favorite food?"

"Chocolate!" I say with enthusiasm. "I could eat it all day, every day. There are so many different kinds and flavors you can add to it…and it's just _so good. _I couldn't live without chocolate."

"That's a little extreme," Elsa comments.

"No it's not. I can't go two days without having at least a little chocolate. And…I box, so I don't think eating a lot of it will affect me."

"Yeah…it certainly hasn't been affecting you," she says quietly, a smirk coming to her face as her eyes roam around my body.

"Oh my God…did you just check me out?" I ask, my eyes widening a bit as I feign mock disbelief.

"Wha- I totally did not," she answers quickly.

"Um…well unless my face is on my boobs, then you definitely were checking me out."

"Well I'm sorry you happen to be gorgeous," she says, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she fakes a pout. Oh my God…now _that _is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. What – how is it possible for someone to go from looking like a sex goddess one second to looking like a sad puppy the next? That shit doesn't make sense. It should definitely be illegal for Elsa to be this flawless.

"Stop flirting with me Elsa." I try to hold a straight face, but I fail miserably and burst into a fit of laughter.

"Did I do something funny?"

"No…I've just…never had this…with…anyone," I manage to get out in between my gulps for air.

Her brows furrow slightly and a look of confusion crosses her face as my laughter dies down. "Had what?" she asks softly.

I take a moment to catch my breath and think about her question. What exactly was this between us? Love, yes, but there's also something else. "A connection," I say, and I go to explain before she can ask me to elaborate. "I've never felt…attached to someone like this. I've never had someone in my life before you that could trigger all these strong emotions.

"I know I've told you that I love you and that I'm _in _love with you, but it goes beyond that. I genuinely _feel _something for you Elsa. Call it affection, call it love, call it whatever you want. But what this feeling is telling me is that now…I can't picture what my life would be like without you. You've changed my perspective on what love is and made me feel emotions so strong I didn't even know they existed! And now that I've gotten to know you and really connect with you, I know that a life without you wouldn't be one I'd want to live."

We just look into each other's eyes for a few moments, neither one of us needing to voice any more of our feelings because we both know what they are. One of Elsa's hands cups my cheek while the other finds its way to the back of my neck. And without giving me another second to think about what was happening, she pulls my lips to hers. There's no heat in it, nothing that would hint at anything more right now. Our lips barely move against each other's, but we can both feel it. There isn't any lust or want in this kiss. It doesn't say 'let's have sex' or anything along those lines. No…it says 'I'll never leave you', 'I'm here for you', 'I need you.' It says 'I love you.'

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, some Elsa and Anna time for you. Hopefully it eases a little bit of the angst for now. There's still plenty more angst to come. Again, thanks for all your opinions. I honestly felt like Belsa sex was something this story could go either way with. With my decision not to add it, I think I've spared all of you from some intense angst and feels.**

**Okay, so...congrats to animeninjafan for guessing which colleges Arendelle University is based off of: They're the University of Minnesota and Cornell University.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: What...another chapter?! Told you guys I had some extra time on my hands lately.**

**Okay so…I know most of you said that you'd want me to make my short fic Belsanna but…too bad, I'm making it strictly Belsa. I just need to get my Belsa feels out and I think this short fic is actually gonna be really frickin adorable. Check out the prologue for it since it's up.**

**Anyway, here's where this story will start to pick up. I have a little angst in this chapter, but not too much. It's somewhat short, and kind of a filler chapter if I'm being totally honest because I just needed one more time lapse to get me to where I want this story to be.**

**Honestly, I'm not so proud of this chapter…it's a little humorous at the end though. But still, here's something to keep you guys interested xD**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 10

_One week before Thanksgiving Break._

It's late. It's probably around midnight. Her roommate is gone because of her volleyball tournament. So we thought we should spend some more time together. We've talked more and things have been a little better. I think I've apologized more than a thousand times by now for hitting her. I didn't deserve that kind of reaction from her: forgiveness. She should have hated me. She should have broken up with me. Hell, she should have hit me back for all I care. But no…she forgave me and she helped me to forgive myself.

And that's how it was tonight: Just talking about that incident. She told me how she let herself forgive me and how she told herself she needed to move on. She believed me when I said I didn't mean to do it and that I'd never hit her again. Because I won't. I truly wasn't in my right mind when I did it. So we spent almost the whole night talking. I apologized again, she forgave me again, and we made up… I'm not really sure how it turned into this. Maybe it's something about the way we kissed tonight. Or maybe it's because she really loves me. And I know what I'm doing is wrong because now I've figured out that what I feel for her isn't true love…it's lust. There is a difference…a very big difference in fact. I've failed to realize it too, and I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life. A mistake that I'll never be able to make up for. A mistake that I'll always regret.

But nothing can take my mind off the gorgeous brunette straddling me right now as she slips her shirt off.

It didn't take us long to get to this point. A simple kiss quickly moved to something more. And soon small gasps turned into moans as clothes were quickly discarded and hands explored new territory. Our pants were the first things to go, and maybe that was because lust is all I'm feeling right now. Or maybe it was because she fell in love with me so hard and we've waited so long that she desperately wants that connection with me.

My sweatshirt and shirt were next, and I wasted no time when I took them off. And at first I was on top of her, and that's when she wanted my bra off…so that happened.

And then our positions were flipped once again. Now I'm propped on the bed, and I hold myself up with one arm while my other wraps around her toned waist. And I don't hesitate as I move that hand up her back and unclasp her bra. She leans forward and rests her forehead against mine as she guides my hand around to her chest. I slowly close the distance between our lips as I gently massage her breast.

I trace my finger along the smooth skin of her breast, and I roll her nipple between my fingers before I pinch it lightly. She lets out a sharp gasp as our lips part for a brief moment, and I feel her nipple go hard under my touch. I do the same to the other one, and this time I'm rewarded with a small moan of my name…that only makes me want even more.

She shifts herself slightly as she pushes herself closer to me, our bare breasts pressing against each other, her panties and my boxers the only thing separating us at this point. I can feel my cock throbbing with want, but it's a want driven by lust, not love.

She pulls me back down as she flips our positions so I'm on top of her again, and her hand finds its way down my body as she palms my erection through the fabric of my boxers.

And I'm so lost in this moment and lost in the feeling of her lips against mine and lost in the fact of how much I want to be inside her right now…but then that big difference between lust and love comes crashing into me. I know she wants this right now too, but there's one small – okay, _big_ – problem here.

"Belle…" I breathe out, pulling my lips off of hers. "We can't do this…"

"Elsa…" I can hear the disappointment in her voice already, because every time we made a move to go further, I'd always stop. And maybe it was for petty reasons sometimes, but now it's not. I know she never realizes it, but I'm sure glad I did before it was too late.

"I – you – _we_…we don't…have a condom," I say softly.

"Oh," she gets out, her deep brown eyes meeting mine as her breathing levels out. "_Oh_…" she repeats. "Yeah, that – that wouldn't have been too good huh?"

I can't help the small laugh that escapes me as I give her a soft kiss. "That definitely wouldn't be such a great idea." She lets me roll off of her so we're lying next to each other now, and she rests her head on my shoulder and drapes one of her arms across my bare stomach.

"Hey Elsa…I uh, I can't go back with you over break," she tells me.

"What? Why?"

"My dad…he's not – he's not feeling very well. I don't know what's wrong, so I want to be there for him."

"Oh okay. Yeah, that's uh…it's fine Belle. Really, take care of you dad if he needs you," I say.

"I'm sorry though. I really wish I could come back with you."

"Don't worry about it," I answer. "We have another week until break. We'll see each other more, and aren't you going to Gaston's party Wednesday night before we're off?"

"As much as I can't stand that guy…of course I'm going," she replies with a small laugh.

"Okay…so I'll see you there too." She smiles and kisses me on my cheek.

Yes, we've been on better terms with each other. I mean, we almost just had sex so…I guess you could say things are getting back to normal with us. If I hadn't fallen for Anna, then I wouldn't be objected to having sex with Belle right now. But I _did _fall for Anna, and I know that we'll end up together. Once I finally grow a pair and break up with Belle, then Anna and I won't have to worry about anyone finding out about our feelings for each other.

I feel terrible about myself for thinking that I'll hurt Belle after all we've been through. But she was right: Something isn't working between us anymore. And that something is the fact that I'm in love with someone else.

I just…I wish love wasn't so hard. I wish there was a way so no one would end up hurt or heartbroken. I wish it would work out both ways. I wish it wouldn't make you do things you'll regret. But then again…that's why it's called love right?

It's like a combination of every single emotion possible. It's amazing, powerful, binding, happy, funny, carefree, and beautiful. It can fill a heart with so much joy and it can make someone's life complete. But it's also dangerous, dark, menacing, hurtful, cold, and deceptive. It can be used to manipulate and coerce people into things they'd never usually do. And it can destroy someone inside and leave them thinking they'll never be able to feel love ever again.

It's hard when you commit your heart to someone and they don't return the action. And it sucks, because that's exactly what I'm doing to Belle.

* * *

_NEW_

_Friday_

"Anna! It's so nice to hear from you!" my mother exclaims through the phone.

"Mom…I sent you texts like, every week to let you know how I was doing," I answer.

"I know, but we haven't actually talked to you! How are you? How is school?"

"I'm doing really well actually. I love it here. I already have some really close friends," I say. What I really wanted to say was that I might have a girlfriend soon but…yeah no.

"That's great sweetie! Your dad and I are so excited to see you when you come home over break!"

"I'm excited too. I missed you guys." Honestly, as much shit as my parents give me for my sexual preferences, I did truly miss them. They are nice people, and I do love them. No, they aren't perfect, but then again…that's a part of being human.

"Are you bringing any friends back? Ooohh…a boyfriend maybe?" she teases.

"No Mom…" I groan into my phone. "I'm not bringing anyone back and I don't have a boyfriend. But maybe over Christmas break I'll invite one of my friends and her brother over."

"Is this that Elsa girl you always seem to mention in your texts?" she asks.

"Yes. You'd really like her. She's super sweet, and so is her brother."

"They did sound very nice whenever I read your texts about them," she says, but I can hear a slight hesitation in her voice. Whenever I tell my parents about a friend I have that's a girl, they always get worried that I'll end up dating her. I mean, that obviously didn't happen before, but now it actually might. I know I can't share anything personal about Elsa with my parents. One: She's gay. And two: She has a dick. And if anyone would freak out over me bringing a hermaphrodite into their home, it'd be my parents. It really sucks knowing that no matter how sweet Elsa would be to them, they'd never be able to look past her differences and accept her as an actual human being…

"Yes, well…hopefully you can meet them sometime this year. Elsa's brother, Jack, is a little more outgoing than her, but once you start talking to Elsa she's really nice and very funny. She's also kind of awkward like me," I tell my mom.

I hear her laugh on the other end of the phone. "They sound wonderful. The next time you see either one of them, ask them about Christmas so we can make plans considering it really isn't that much longer after Thanksgiving." Oh, there's another thing I can't tell my parents: Elsa is Jewish.

She told me all about that decision. And even after she took to Judaism, she still isn't very religious. She basically said it seemed more laid back than Catholicism or Christianity, and it's more accepting of people with differences as well. Yeah…that wouldn't go over well with my parents either.

"I'll be sure to do that and let you know. Well…I have to go. I have a class soon. I'll see you next Thursday," I say. "Say hi to Dad for me. I love you both."

"I will… We love you too Anna," she answers before she ends the call.

Ah, it's so nice to be able to talk to her like a normal person without having an argument or being lectured by her about my life choices. Again, I love my parents, but sometimes it can be very tough living with them.

I grab my backpack and my textbook, and just as I'm walking out of my dorm room, Rapunzel walks into it.

"Annaaaa…are you going to the party Wednesday night?" she asks with enthusiasm lighting up her eyes.

"Um…I didn't know there was a party…"

"Oh well, now you know! You should come though! Gaston is hosting it, and from what I've heard he really knows how to throw a party. A ton of people are gonna be there!"

"I don't know…I have to drive home the next day," I answer.

"Oh come on Anna! It'll be fun. Plus, Elsa will be there." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I give her a playful shove.

"Stop teasing me about that! And fine, I'll go!" I exclaim, giving in because well…_Elsa. _Need I say more?

"I knew you'd say yes once I told you she'd be there," Rapunzel says to further tease me. "And Anna…as much as I support you and your feelings for this girl, I _don't _support you and her having this – I don't know what to call it – relationship, I guess, behind her girlfriend's back."

"Punzie, we aren't in a relationship," I tell her.

"Yeah, but you two have kissed…multiple times! And you both basically confessed your feelings for each other. You know she's falling for you too Anna, but she still hasn't broken up with Belle yet."

"I know, and I wish Elsa would tell her already. If she doesn't, then it probably won't end too well for any of us."

"Exactly. So please Anna, just be careful at the party. Make sure neither of you drink okay? I don't want you two to have some hot make out session and then Belle walks in on you," she says with a slight laugh as she tries to lighten the conversation a little bit.

"You know I wouldn't drink at a party…especially a college one. Who knows what they put in there?" I let myself laugh because it's true. I'd never drink at a party here. I'd probably end up with a drink spiked with some kind of drug and make poor decisions and regret them later on. Yeah…that is definitely not happening with me.

"True that sista," she answers. "I'll see you later then. Agh! I'm so excited for this party Anna!" she squeals out.

"Yes, I can see that." I laugh again and give her a small wave before I head out for my class.

* * *

_NEW_

"You're not bringing anyone back over break are you?" I ask Jack as he walks with me towards the rink.

"Nope," he answers. "Why, are you?"

"Kristoff might come over after Thanksgiving if he can escape the wrath of his family," I say, allowing myself a small chuckle.

Kristoff's family is huge. I don't know how he does it. He was adopted by them when he was about five or six. Like Jack and me, his parents died. He was orphaned and then along came Grand Pabbie (as Kristoff calls him). Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to go into the details of Kristoff's life, but his family is extremely nice and welcoming. They even offered to let Jack and I live with them after our parents died.

"Alright, that's cool," Jack says. "Oh, come with me to my car real quick. I need to give you something."

"Um…okay?" I give him a puzzled look, and he only laughs in return.

We walk around to the back of the rink to the athlete's parking section, and he unlocks his black Honda Civic. I'll never understand why he drives this instead of the F-150 our parents bought him once he got his license. But hey…whatever floats your boat right?

He pulls out a plastic bag from CVS from his back seat and tosses it to me.

"Uh…what's this?" I ask.

"Oh, well I thought with how you and Belle were going lately, you could use them. And please, don't even ask me how awkward I felt when I bought them," he answers.

I reach into the bag and pull out the box that's in it. "Oh my god…Jack!" I yell with a hint of amusement in my voice. I punch him on the arm and let out a long sigh. I can't believe him sometimes.

"What? You never know what can happen before Thanksgiving break." The expression on his face is one between a smug grin and an amused smile, and I can't help but playfully punch him again.

"You are the worst brother ever…"

"Worst? No, no, Elsa…I'm the best! See this right here is me looking out for you. I'm making sure you're prepared!" he exclaims with a triumphant pump of his fist in the air. I can only laugh in return.

"I just…can't…with you right now Jack," I say, still smiling at my younger brother.

"You should be thanking me right now."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because…I'm making sure that I won't end up being an uncle during my junior year in college!"

"Oh my god…" I say as I face palm myself. I let out a loud groan and another laugh. "I can't believe you bought me a box of condoms!"

"You should have seen the cashier's face when I put them up! She looked horrified!"

"That would be so awkward. I'm sorry you had to go through that," I say with mock sympathy in my voice.

"Yeah…she was like, 'oh well at least you're being safe.' And I just shook my head and told her 'no ma'am, these are actually for my sister.'"

"What?! You did not say that!" An intense blush creeps onto my face as I let myself laugh wholeheartedly. I can't believe he said that. Just…oh my god…

"I did," he answers with a grin. "So again: You're welcome. I think there are like, twenty in there or something so…have fun." He playfully winks at me, which only causes my face to turn an even darker shade of red.

Okay so…I have a whole box of condoms, which means I'll just have to save them until I can use them with Anna.

* * *

**A/N: So I'm guessing some of you probably thought I was actually going to put Belsa sex in there despite your opinions against it, right? No…I'm not that cruel. **

**Again, check out the prologue to my Belsa fic and tell me what you think. **

**As for this chapter…I know…short right? The party will be the next chapter…not sure when I'll be able to get that up. Depending on how busy I am this week you could end up waiting a little while for it.**

**So bear with me here. There are a lot of feels coming up and the Elsanna ship will sail.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Strap in for some emotions in this chapter ;P**

**Decided to put this up considering I might not be able to upload for a _while. _I'm moving and have another hockey camp so...don't expect updates on any of my stories for a little while.**

* * *

Chapter 11

It's Wednesday, which means Jack and I drive home tomorrow for Thanksgiving break. It also means that tomorrow I'll be going back to the place that holds all my brightest memories and all my darkest secrets. Hey, at least I'm going to Gaston's party. Even though I can't stand him, my other friends are going…and it'll also give me an opportunity to drink myself into a coma so I don't have to realize right away that I'll be home tomorrow.

"Elsaaaa…I'm leaving without you if you don't get your ass out of the bathroom in ten seconds," Mulan says. "Since when do you care about what you look like for a party anyway?"

"Hey…my hair isn't cooperating with me right now." I finally manage to get my bangs to look somewhat decent. Usually they stay in place, but now a few of them are falling in front of my eyes…eh, better than what they looked like this morning. "Alright, alright, let's go," I say once I emerge from the bathroom.

"It's about damn time," Mulan mutters, a small grin remaining on her face as we head down to the front of our dorm building. We're meeting up with Shang and Belle, and sure enough they're already waiting for us.

"You look hot," Belle says once she sees me, and she grabs the collar of my blue and gray flannel as she pulls my lips down to hers.

Mulan interrupts us by clearing her throat obnoxiously loud. "I'd like to get to this party without you two having sex along the way…think you can manage at least that much?"

"We'll try, but no promises," I answer as I wink at Belle.

Gaston is a senior, so the party is off campus at his house, which means there will definitely be stronger alcohol and a shit ton of drugs. And that's really not good for me to be around since I still give in sometimes.

I hop into the passenger seat of Belle's car, and she pulls out of the lot and starts following Mulan and Shang. I basically told Belle that she better not get drunk tonight because there's a high chance that I'm the one who will be plastered and we'll need to get home safely. She just said that there was no way in hell she'd let that happen.

It's about a ten minute drive to Gaston's house, not far at all, and there are already a lot of people, easily two hundred already here, and it was rumored that there could be a lot more considering this is a party right before a break. The loud music and strong smell of alcohol hits me the second I step out of Belle's car.

"Time to get blasted!" Shang yells from Mulan's car. His girlfriend only rolls her eyes and laughs.

I don't know why, but I feel like this year I'll end up going to a lot more parties. That's so much different from how I was the last two years. Kristoff was lucky if he could get me to go to one. But I don't know…I kind of like this; getting drunk and making stupid decisions. It fits my life perfectly.

I immediately spot Kristoff once I walk through the front door, and he comes over to me, a bottle of beer already in his hand.

"Elsa, I feel like I haven't seen you for years," he says.

"Yeah well…sorry…things got kinda rough for a little bit," I answer, and he knows what I'm talking about. He doesn't push the issue any further, thank god. That's what I love about Kristoff. He always knows when I don't want to talk about something.

"Well, I'm glad you're back from the dead," he jokes, and I manage to laugh. "Want me to get you a drink?"

"Uh…yeah sure," I answer. I end up following him over the fridge, and he pulls out a bottle of vodka and about five or six plastic cups. This is good, I could use something strong. I notice Belle has already gotten herself involved in a game of beer pong with Ariel, Eric, and a few other people.

"Up for some Power Hour?" he asks as we walk into the living room. Gaston, Aurora, Phillip, and Jasmine are all waiting for us, and once Kristoff holds up the bottle Gaston cheers loudly.

"It's about fucking time!" he booms. I notice there's another bottle of vodka sitting on the table, and the urge to drink grows stronger in me every second.

"Elsa is joining us for it!" Kristoff exclaims, giving me a rather rough smack on my back.

I'll say this, Gaston and Jasmine don't necessarily like me, and yes…it is because of how I was born. So naturally Gaston gets this look of pure competitiveness on his face.

"I will most certainly last longer than you," he says.

"Hm…I'm not sure about that Gaston. I built up a pretty high tolerance level over these last couple years," I answer with a smug grin.

"Keep talking dick wad…we'll see what happens when we get into it. Kristoff, pour the drinks!"

Kristoff complies and lays out the six cups on the table and pours a small amount of vodka in each of them. I don't get how people can play Power Hour with beer. Beer is disgusting…and sixty shots of that shit? Yuck. Vodka works so much better, and it usually gets you drunk a lot faster. Although, considering my tolerance to the stuff, I'm sure it will take pretty close to all sixty shots before I'm absolutely plastered and can barely stand.

"Alright," Gaston starts, "you check in every minute. If you don't, you're out, and if you throw up or faint, you're out. You don't have to have vodka for all sixty shots. If you're closer to beer or tequila or whatever…be my guest and have that."

I shoot him another smug grin as I down my shot of vodka and walk away. The liquid burns down my throat, but it just feels so damn good. It'll always be something I'm used to.

I walk over to where Belle is and kiss her on her cheek as I wrap an arm around her waist.

"Well hello to you," she says, letting out a small giggle as she turns to give me a small kiss on my lips.

"Mind pouring me a little?" I motion to her bottle of beer and she pours some into my cup. I down it once another minute has passed. "Don't get drunk, remember you're driving me home," I tell her.

"Don't worry babe, I won't. So I'm assuming you're going to get wasted no matter what I say huh?"

"I mean…Power Hour, so it's kind of inevitable."

"Oh wonderful," she deadpans. "Think you can make it all the way through?"

"Ya never know…I'll probably last the longest though."

"So…does that mean you'll be so drunk you pass out…or does that mean there's a chance I'll be sleeping with you tonight?" she asks, a somewhat seductive grin coming to her face.

I pour myself another shot and take it. "I'm not certain at the moment. I guess you'll find out when I'm about, oh I don't know, halfway through."

"My guess is that you'll pass out," she says. "But…you'll probably prove me wrong."

I laugh and give her a kiss. "Just watch me."

* * *

Well…I'm now forty two shots in and my vision is slightly wobbly and my judgment is only a little fogged. And by a little I mean I should have listened to Belle and not gone off and gotten myself drunk. Turns out I'm still the only one going with this thing. Gaston threw up about thirty-five shots in, so that left me. And even though they wanted me to keep going, I'm afraid that if I drink anymore I might actually pass out. And that's never a good thing to do at a college party.

I set my cup down on the table and go to head back to where Belle is. Maybe I can convince her to give me a little action in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I turn around and instantly collide with someone's back.

"Oh shit, I'm sor- oh, hey Elsa!" Anna says.

"What? Oh, uh, hi," I say back. At least I'm not slurring my words. That'd a good thing…yes, a very good thing. Still though, my brain is a little cloudy…and that's _not _a good thing now that I'm with Anna. "Do you want me to get you a drink?"

"Oh no thanks, that's okay. I'm not really much for drinking," she answers. She's so responsible. I wish I could be like that. But unfortunately, I had to be stuck in a fucked up, shitty hellhole called my life.

"Okay. Uh, I didn't expect you to be here. I mean, I just didn't think you knew about it."

"Yeah, Rapunzel invited me so…I thought why not?" She smiles at me, and it only makes her that much more tempting. Okay no, I can't think about that right now. I should just…talk to her. Yeah, that's a good idea right now.

"So uh, are you going home over break?" I ask as we walk past a large group of people and out onto the back porch of the house. No one else is out here…surprisingly. Usually kids go outside to smoke or make out or whatever. Heh, they probably just do that in the bedrooms now too.

"Yeah. It'll be nice to see my parents," she says. "I'm assuming you're going home with Jack?"

"Yup…Kristoff might come over after Thanksgiving Day if he can." She doesn't say anything to that. How could she? She doesn't know how lonely it is to not have parents there on Thanksgiving for what will now be the third year. But I know Anna cares. She just can't find the right words for it right now. But maybe I can. "Anna…um, thank you…for helping me out and for being there when I needed you. It really – you have no idea how much it means to me."

Her expression softens a little as she smiles up at me. "Of course Elsa. You know I'd do anything for you," she says. "Sometimes I wish I could just instantly heal your scars and mend your broken heart but…I know I can't do that. It makes me sad to think that you've gone through everything you have all alone. And when people try to help you, you push them away."

"But you're helping me Anna." I put a hand on her shoulder, and my other hand now rests on the side of her waist. "You're helping me more than you'll ever know." The hand that was on her shoulder now slides to the back of her neck. And I know I shouldn't be doing this out here of all places, but Anna is just _here _and she's so amazing and I love her so damn much and I don't want to let this girl slip away.

I smile at her as I slowly bring my lips down onto hers. She responds by throwing her arms around my neck, one hand tangling in my hair while the other grips at the back of my shoulder. She pushes herself into me, our bodies now flush against one another.

And just as I'm about to move to deepen the kiss, she pulls away.

"You're girlfriend…" she gets out softly.

"Just kiss me," I whisper back, all thoughts of Belle completely knocked out of my mind by the gorgeous redhead with me right now.

She nods and connects our lips again, a little more intensity in this one. And this time, I don't hesitate to deepen it. She willingly lets my tongue slip into her mouth, and the small moan she lets out as I explore every inch of her mouth only pushes me further and strengthens my feelings for her. And I'm so lost in this moment, in the feeling of her body against mine, her arms around my neck, and her lips moving flawlessly against my own that I utter the words before I even think about what I'm getting myself into.

"Please…just be mine?"

"Always," she breathes out, her hands sliding around to my face as she holds my cheeks and pulls me in for yet another passionate kiss. And I'm in heaven right now. There's no place I'd rather be than in Anna's arms and there's no one else I'd want this with. Because what I'm feeling in this kiss right now…it's love; true and pure, a promise to Anna I'll never break. It's a feeling that says 'you stole my heart and now I'm going to steal yours, and I'll take care of it and never break it…because I love you.'

Everything was perfect. And then…

"Elsa?"

Anna and I both jump apart, startled by the voice, and I turn my head and am met with the already tearing hazel eyes of my girlfriend.

"Belle…" I manage to get out, but she turns and starts walking away from me. I look back at Anna, and there's regret stained across her face. Argh…I'm such an idiot! With another sad glance at Anna, I turn back and rush after the heartbroken brunette.

"Belle, wait!" I call after her.

"Elsa please…just, don't - ,"

"At least listen to me!" I don't even know why I'm trying right now. It's obvious to her now. She knows, and she found out in the worst way possible.

She pushes past people as she makes her way to the front door, and I keep pursuing her until we're both outside. She's heading towards her car, and I run up behind her and grab her shoulder.

"Belle, just let me explain to - ,"

"There's nothing to explain Elsa!" she yells at me. "I saw what I needed to see!"

She's right. I know she's right. But I don't want her to leave me. Because if she does, she might never come back, and Belle is someone I still want in my life. She's important to me…I care about her.

"I'm sorry Belle…I just - ,"

"No Elsa…I'm sick of your bullshit! You always come up with an excuse for everything, and I'm tired of hearing it! You don't need to try and explain what just happened, because it explains itself!" She unlocks her car. No, no, no…I can't let her leave. This isn't happening! Why do I always fuck everything up?! Every relationship I have I always manage to drive some wedge into it.

"Can you try being honest with me for once?" she gets out, her voice small now as the tears flow from her eyes. "Because ya know Elsa, it would have been so much easier for you to just break up with me and tell me why instead of going behind my back. You don't truly love me like that anymore do you Elsa? Please…be honest. You can't possibly make things worse right now…"

I silently shake my head, my own tears blurring my vision as she steps into her car.

"You should've told me Elsa…that you had feelings for someone else. I would have been hurt still, yes, but it wouldn't have been like it is now. I'm sorry," she says to me as she turns the key, the engine of her car coming to life. Why is she sorry? She didn't do anything! I'm the one who screwed everything up!

"Belle…wait, just one more moment…please…"

"Elsa, I told you, I don't want to hear it," she says softly.

I put my hand on the door of her car so she can't close it yet. I need to get this out. She needs to know. Because we're over now, and she thinks I'll never feel the same way. And that is true, but I know she's taking it in the wrong direction. I just – she needs to know that no matter what –

"I don't want you thinking that I don't care about you Belle…and I – even though it's not the way it used to be – I still love you."

She lets a few more tears fall from her eyes and she nods her head slightly. "I know you do Elsa," she gets out, her voice barely a whisper I almost didn't hear her. "And I will too…forever…"

That was the last thing she said to me before she drove away. And little did I know, that'd be the last thing either of us said to each other for a long time.

* * *

It's almost midnight now. Jack and Anna are in my room with me. I'm packing up a few things to take back with me for the four days I'll be home. I ended up driving back here with Anna. And those ten minutes seemed like an eternity.

Anna feels guilty about what happened at the party. She's blaming herself. I know she is. I can see the pain plastered across her face because it's a feeling I know all too well. But it's not her fault. It's mine. I just couldn't control myself and couldn't be honest with my own girlfriend and I caused this to happen.

Jack already loaded his things into my car considering he didn't go to the party, and now Anna walks outside with me as I take the bag carrying my clothes over to where my car is parked. We don't talk. She knows I'm not in the mood right now. But still, it's nice that she's here with me. Apparently she texted Jack before we got back to my dorm and told him what happened. He was really nervous, and I don't blame him. Given how I am, it's possible for me to have a mental breakdown when big things like this happen.

I finish packing up my car as I place the bags in the backseat. I close the door and turn around to face Anna. Our eyes meet, and even in the darkness of the night I can still see the tears that fill her eyes.

"Don't cry Anna…please." It's the first thing I've said to her since Belle drove away from me at the party. I reach out and wipe away the lone tear that escaped her eye.

And then my phone rang. I pull it out of my pocket and look at the caller ID.

It's Belle.

I know I shouldn't answer. A little time and space it what we need right now. But just like any other time, I go against my better judgment.

I answer the call.

"Belle, look…I'm really not - ,"

"Is this Elsa Frost?" a man's voice asks on the other end of the phone.

"Uh…yes." My face scrunches up into one of confusion. "Who's this?"

"My name is Doctor Adams from Mayfield Hospital. You were the first contact on Miss Durieux's phone."

Oh my God…hospital? My heart rate speeds up to probably twenty times its normal rate at the mention of that word. "Um…what's this about? Is she okay?" I'm dreading the answer to that question.

"Well…she was involved in a car accident and was taken to the ER - ,"

"Anna, I'm going to the hospital. Stay here with Jack if you want but…I have to go…right now," I say as I end the call, not even giving Doctor Adams a chance to explain himself. Holy shit holy shit holy shit oh my fucking god what have I done?

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

"No…"

I don't even give her a chance to ask me what happened or what's wrong as I hop into the driver's seat. Next thing I know, Anna is in the passenger side and I'm speeding down the highway to Mayfield Hospital. What normally would have been a twenty-five minute drive only took me ten minutes since I was going about ninety the whole way.

I'm panicking though…I don't know what to do or how to react. All I know is that Doctor Adams said 'care accident' and he didn't sound too great when he said it. And I know we just broke up, but I do love her. And every thought running through my head right now is _get to Belle, get to Belle, get to Belle. _

I nearly knock a few people over as I rush up to the front hospital desk of the ER. And between the shakiness of not only my voice but my entire body and the tears threatening to escape my eyes, I don't think I'll even be able to speak.

"Belle…" I get out. "…Durieux," I add.

"Is that Miss Frost?" I hear the same deep voice say from down the hallway. I turn and see a man in his early forties who must be Doctor Adams walking towards me.

"Is she okay?" That's the first thing I ask him. Because that's all that matters. If Belle isn't okay then…well then I won't be okay. I'll be crushed by the guilt and pain of knowing that I caused her to be injured.

Doctor Adams doesn't say anything.

"Please…tell me…" I get out, my voice a little softer as all the scenarios of terrible things that could have happened to Belle run through my mind. I feel Anna's presence next to me. She has her arms wrapped around my shoulders. She's here…she's here for me. That's good. I'm really going to need her _very _soon.

"The accident was very severe," he starts. "Two cars colliding at nearly eighty miles an hour is a dangerous thing. The driver of the other car was catapulted right out of his seat…killed immediately. And your friend…she is uh…" What's his problem? Aren't doctors supposed to be good at telling families or girlfriends or boyfriends or siblings that someone they love is dead or severely injured?

"She's what? Please just tell me. Can I see her? Please doctor, don't try to sugarcoat anything with me or try to avoid telling me. I need to know. I love her!"

"She's in Intensive Care right now," he answers, and I can see the sadness cross his face after my last statement. Holy fucking god…this can't be good. "She's alive and stable now but…her brain was injured very badly, and she was instantly put into a coma…"

I don't hear anything he says after that.

I can barely see him walking away through my vision completely blurred by tears. I lean into the wall and rest my head against it. I'm calm right now…eerily calm. But it's building up inside me. I can feel it.

No, this isn't possible. Belle can't be…in…God, I can't even say it. It just doesn't seem real. It can't be real. I won't let myself believe him…

"Elsa." I hear Anna's voice, but I don't react.

This…this is unforgivable. And it's all my fault. If I had just told her. If I could have had a normal conversation with her about it. We could have talked about it. We could have accepted it. Sure, she still would have been heartbroken. But I should have been honest with her.

And that's the problem with me. There are all these "should haves" and "could haves" in my life, and by the time I realize what they are it's always too late. And now, it's definitely too late.

How much more can I take? How much more shit can life throw at me before I finally decide to escape it when I have the chance? I've only truly snapped once in my life, and that was after my parents died. After that, I kept bottling my emotions. I wouldn't let myself react to something that might really affect me. I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was just some defense mechanism that happened to keep myself in line and to make sure I didn't overreact or explode.

And right now that defense mechanism is kicking in. It can't be healthy. Not for me at least. Because these emotions crashing through me right now aren't light ones. They're guilt, pain, regret, sadness, and the worst…grief. And I'm not letting any of them out. I just won't let myself do it for some reason. And I hate it, and I hate my life, and I hate myself.

I sink down to the floor and pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them in the process. I'm making myself feel as small as possible, because that's how life is making me feel right now. It's punching me and kicking me and beating me down into the ground and it will never let me get back up.

And I deserve it.

I feel Anna's arms around me as she sits next to me, our bodies pressing against each other. I need this more than either of us know. If anyone can help pull me out of this mess, it's Anna. And even if she can't help me out of the hellhole I call my life, I know she'd gladly join me in it…because she loves me.

I rest my head on her shoulder as she pulls me even tighter against her.

And I cry.

* * *

**A/N: Emotions, emotions… *preparing for rants about how I'm a terrible person for doing this to Belle **_**and **_**to Elsa* By the way, please read this whole note because I explain some really important things.**

**But let me tell you why I did it…I love the psychological aspects of things. It intrigues me, and it's what I'm planning to major in once I go to college. That's why I developed Elsa's character like this. I think it's really interesting to explore the different psychological details of her character. Not only does it help me construct strong, emotional characters surrounding her, but it also helps me construct some of my ideas on life and how having certain mental disorders can affect people and their outlook on certain things.**

**I know it may seem like unneeded drama, but trust me on this...and before you guys ask: No, I'm not going to have Belle die...that'd just be, oh my god just no.**

**I honestly wish this site had a "psychological" choice for genre because I totally need that right now. This fic was mapped out from the beginning to grow increasingly intense as it progressed, even though it might not have seemed that way. I wanted to separate my fic from those other Elsanna ones, and I think I've done that for the most part.**

**I also know that many of you want this drama and angst to end, and don't worry, because it will in about two or three chapters. The next chapter will be VERY intense, and I'll just tell you now: Elsa has a mental breakdown. **

**BUT, this fic WILL start to get happier again, in about two or three chapters. I know this fic has been an emotional roller coaster, and I thank all of you who have stuck with me this long...you won't regret it. And as much as I hate putting all these emotions into it and doing all these terrible things to these characters, I feel like this is what makes this story different.**

**I made this fic so emotional for reasons, many of which I'll explain in later chapters. But one reason I want you to know right now is that I want to generate genuine feelings from you all. And if I've made you laugh, made you angry, made you happy, or made you cry...then this has been worth it.**

**I love you all, and thanks to any of you who actually read this daunting note.**

**- A**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I know, I know…many of you hate me for the last chapter and will probably stop reading this fic. But, to those of you who are choosing to stick with me through this whole journey…thank you and I appreciate it.**

**This is really the last chapter that deals with those extremely heavy emotions. After this one though, there will be more Elsanna, and more happy things going on in Elsa's life.**

**And spoiler alert: Yes, I do plan on having Belle wake up from the coma. And what I'm planning to do once she wakes up won't add a lot of drama or angst…so, there ya go.**

**Trigger warning: Mental breakdown…it's just a combination of negative feelings and violence, but I tried to keep it to a minimum.**

* * *

Chapter 12

I don't know what to do. I'm back home now…two hours away from Belle and nearly three hours away from Anna. It's like – I glance over at my clock – almost three in the morning now. I couldn't eat yesterday, or sleep, or think straight, or do anything really. Overall, I'm just not okay.

There's a bottle of vodka on my right and a razor blade on my left. I only had a sip of the vodka, and I haven't used the blade yet. I don't think I will though.

I don't need to hurt myself when my mind and heart are already hurting enough. Why would I need to do that when my own body is a constant source of pain in itself?

It's too much for me to handle though…I know that for sure. Once that doctor told me that Belle was in a coma, my entire world just came crashing down. And it didn't help knowing that it was my fault. Seriously…why couldn't I have just been honest with her?

And then it hits me. Everything I've been doing has only been hurting Belle, Anna, _and _me all at once. Isn't that what I _didn't _want to happen? Yeah…see, I just fuck everything up. I don't deserve Belle. And now, I certainly don't deserve Anna. I never did in the first place. The way I've been treating both of them hasn't been fair at all.

But the worst thing about me is that I bottle up all these emotions. I don't know why, but I know it can't be healthy. Because sometimes those emotions and thoughts come back even stronger than before, and now is one of those times. Now, I finally can't take it anymore. I keep bottling my feelings and emotions and don't let them out. But now this…this was the last straw. This was the arm that took that bottle and threw it against a wall, shattering it into a million pieces and letting all those emotions out.

And that's when I snapped.

"_What the fuck is wrong with me_?!" I scream, and I hurl the bottle of vodka against my wall…that bottle that doubles as alcohol and my feelings. It shatters with a loud _clang_, and glass shards fly all over the place. And the vodka that's now splattered against the wall and on the floor also doubles as the emotions that are falling out of me right now.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!" I punch the wall. I hear something in my hand crack, but I don't feel the pain. No, the physical pain doesn't even compare to the emotional pain…the emotional _torture _that I've gone through my whole life.

At first I thought I could handle it; the depression and anxiety and Bipolar and whatever other shit I have. But oh, how wrong I was.

I hear Jack knocking on my door and yelling for me to open it. I don't. Nothing is stopping me now. I need to get all this out, because if I don't, then it might really end up killing me later on if it doesn't kill me now. These are all the emotions I've been holding in for more than two years. And they're flowing out of me uncontrollably. And I'm crying and screaming and breaking things and I'm completely losing my mind.

The mirror on my wall is smashed. I punched it. There's blood gushing from my left hand now from where a few glass shards cut me. I don't care though. I've cut myself enough times to be used to that feeling.

And I always thought I was so strong because I made it this far with all my mental problems and how I went through so much shit on my own…but I'm not strong. In fact, I'm a coward. All I did was run from my problems and my emotions. And now they've caught up to me and they're eating me alive and I feel so small and alone and now I know I'll never make it out of this one.

Now I'm standing in the middle of my room, shattered glass littering the floor, tears flowing from my eyes as fast as the blood from my hand. And I hate that I can't understand why I'm this way, and I hate that no one else can explain it to me either.

"Why am I so fucked up?" I ask quietly to no one. I wish I had Anna with me now. She'd tell me it's okay and that _I'll _be okay and that I'll get through this. But she's not here now. I'm alone, and I'm not letting Jack in even though I know he cares.

And that's when I collapse onto the floor. I pull my knees up to my chest and cry. And soon I feel myself drifting away. Whether I'm falling asleep or passing out, I really don't care, because I could use it right now. And then my mind is just…blank…and I feel relieved.

* * *

Borderline Personality Disorder. That's the label attached to me now. Turns out that the depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, actions of self-harm, and disconnection from my emotions are basically BPD when they're all mushed together. How great is that? I'm being sarcastic by the way…because it actually sucks major dick, mine included.

At first I didn't want to believe them. But then it just made more and more sense. The most typical sign of BPD is having a hard time expressing or releasing your emotions, and once the person finally does release them, it ends with them being very aggressive or violent. And that was exactly what happened with me.

"When can I leave?" I get out weakly. Jack is next to me. He called 9-1-1 when he didn't hear any noises coming from behind my door. He was afraid I might have killed myself. I kind of wish I did…

"They want to put you on new medications," Jack tells me. "I mean, they want to let you go tomorrow considering it is Thanksgiving, which is why they're probably gonna have your meds tonight. You also broke two fingers and sprained your wrist pretty badly when you hit the wall. Just to uh, let you know."

"I'm sorry Jack."

"Elsa…there's nothing you need to be sorry for."

"No, I ruined your break. You constantly feel nervous around me and - ,"

"I'm not nervous because of you Elsa," he cuts me off. "I'm nervous _for _you. You have no idea what it's like thinking that one day you might actually end up killing yourself!" He's not yelling…he's starting to cry. "You were the only person there for me after our parents passed, and I never returned that. I left you on your own because I was too selfish and thought that my pain was worse than yours."

Why do people always try to cover for my mistakes? Why do people always put the blame on themselves when they clearly know it was my fault?

"But I should have let you in when you tried," I say back. "I did this to myself. Everything that has happened to me…I never expressed how I felt the right way. I stored it all up, and I guess this was what triggered everything to come pouring out."

"I'm just sorry I haven't been there for you like I should have. I mean, yeah, you had Belle and Kristoff…and now you have Anna. But even then, I should have given you more support. I'm your brother Elsa! That's what siblings are supposed to do…and I haven't. And I'm sorry," he gets out, his breathing more ragged as he tries to hold back his tears.

His phone starts buzzing on the table next to my hospital bed, and Jack quickly grabs it.

"I uh, I have to take this," he says. He gives me another sad smile before he walks out of the room.

_NEW_

"How is she?" I ask the second Jack answers his phone.

He sent me a text at like, four in the morning telling me that Elsa is in the hospital. I called him the second I woke up, and he explained that she didn't take the whole Belle situation well at all. He said she was breaking things and punching things and screaming and crying. So basically…she had a complete mental breakdown.

"She's uh, she's doing better. I can tell she feels a lot better too. She seems a lot calmer now," he tells me.

"That's good. Um…what did the doctors say?"

"Borderline Personality," he answers. Okay, I'm not a psychology major here or anything and I don't know much about disorders in general but…that doesn't sound good.

"What's that?"

"It's basically a lot of bad things combined. I mean, she has nearly all the symptoms; self-harm, suicidal thoughts to start. Her relationships have been pretty unstable…especially with Belle. Substance abuse was a huge thing too. And then she would detach herself from her emotions whenever they might surface. That was the breaking point, because it led her to have the erratic, aggressive outburst that she did. It's…not a good thing," he explains. "I'm saying this in the simplest way possible by the way. When the doctors told me I honestly had no clue what they were saying to me."

"Is she going to be okay though?" That's my only concern. I just want Elsa to feel better. And even though that might seem impossible at this point, I think right now Elsa just needs that one person who won't give up on them…and I'm going to be that person.

"Yeah...Anna, I honestly think she will. They're putting her on different medications…only a couple now, and they should help. But yes, I do think she's gonna be okay."

I let out a long sigh of relief. That's all I wanted to hear. As long as Elsa is okay then I will be too. She's just…a truly amazing person. I don't know how she's gone through what she has alone. But even then…everyone has their breaking point, and I guess this was hers.

"Well…tell her that I miss her already," I say to Jack. "It's gonna be one long break without her, even if it is only four days. And also tell her that I'm sorry I can't be there right now. I would ask my mom if I could come see her but…you guys are like, three hours away."

"It's fine Anna. It'll still make Elsa's day to hear that you called. But uh, I think maybe later today you should call her yourself. It'd mean the world for her to hear your voice."

"I will. Thanks Jack," I say before ending the call.

"Anna! Sweetie, come down and help me!" my mom shouts from the kitchen once I set my phone on my nightstand. I internally – and probably externally too – groan because now I actually have to put on pants. I mean, it's great when you're in your room all day. You don't have to wear pants _or _a bra…it's just a great thing. I throw on a pair of baggy sweatpants and tie my hair back into a messy bun before I head downstairs.

"Hey mom," I say.

"Rapunzel is coming later tonight," she tells me. "She's bringing her boyfriend and apparently her parents can make it this year!" Yeah, my mom gets way too excited over the holidays. She cooks a lot of great food though so, I really shouldn't be complaining.

"Okay, awesome," I reply, trying to sound excited. She hands me a large bowl of potatoes, and I know she wants me to skin them all. I groan. "Mooommm…why do I have to do this?"

"Because I told you to," she answers. "Oh, by the way, who were you talking to on the phone?"

Ugh, I wish she didn't ask.

"Jack," I tell her. "Ya know, Elsa's brother."

"Oh…what'd he have to say? Are you two dating?"

I stare at her dumbfounded. "No! Oh my goodn-…just no! Mom!"

"I'm just kidding Anna!" she exclaims as she starts slicing a tomato. "But seriously, why'd he call?"

"Well…I called him and…it's really not something I'm up to talking about now. It's…really personal with Elsa."

She nods and her eyebrows furrow slightly. "Ah, I see. So I take it you and Elsa are very close then?" Agh, she's trying to pry it from me, to see if I have a crush on her. But nope…I'm not caving into this one.

"Yeah, she's basically my best friend," I answer.

"If you two are that close, then I'm serious about inviting her back here over Christmas break," Mom says.

"I'll ask her once I see her after break."

"What year is she?"

"Junior."

"You never told me that," she answers, letting out a soft laugh.

"I said she was a junior when I told you about how I met her."

"Ah yes…your typical clumsy self."

"Hey, we both weren't looking!" I exclaim.

"I'm just messing with you sweetie!"

I laugh. Gosh, I wish it could be like this all the time with Mom. But…it can't, because I know the second she suspects that anything is going on between Elsa and me she won't want me spending time with her. And honestly, that would be impossible considering we see each other almost every day at school.

And holy shit, what if Mom ever finds out Elsa has a dick? Then that'd really be the end of things. My mom would actually flip shit, and then she'd probably ask all these questions about whether or not we've slept with each other and whatnot. And I know I'm overthinking this right now, but I can't help it. I want to be with Elsa…forever. And I really don't care if my parents don't approve of it, because I'll find a way to stay with Elsa no matter what…because I love her.

* * *

The phone keeps ringing. And for a moment I don't think she's going to answer, but on the last ring she picks up.

"Anna…" Her voice is a little scratchy and deep. She must have been sleeping. I mean, it's nearly midnight anyway. But aside from the fact that I probably just woke her up…her voice sounds hot as fuck right now. I know, I know…bad time to think about something like that, but I can't help it. Elsa is just a hot and sexy person, what can I say?

"Elsa…I'm sorry, go back to sleep. I shouldn't have - ,"

"No, no…Anna, it's fine. You can call me anytime and I'll answer." I can picture her smiling on the other end of the phone, and it brings a smile to my own face as well.

"Oh, okay…uh, how are you? Jack called and told me everything. So, just letting you know that." I let out a nervous laugh, because maybe Elsa didn't want me to know about her breakdown.

"How am I? That's a loaded question," she answers with a small chuckle. "But actually…I'm feeling a lot better. Really, I am. They're gonna put me on new meds, and the doctors said they would help a lot."

"Well that's good," I say as I let myself fall back onto my bed. I actually am pretty tired. Helping my mom prepare a Thanksgiving meal wiped me out more than I thought it would. And as much as I want to pretty much pass out right now…there's Elsa, and she's more important than anything right now.

"I mean…it's good, aside from the fact that I have pretty severe BPD and Bipolar."

"How severe? It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I'll understand but…I just want to know."

"I've never really thought about it before but…it explains why I hit Belle that one time. I'll explain everything to you when I see you after break because some of it is really complicated to say just over the phone. But…it can make me more aggressive sometimes. Ya know, like I'll exert my emotions more erratically at some points because I don't express them enough. But these meds are supposed to help that," she tells me.

"Are you going to therapy or anything?"

"Yeah…I'm gonna see Doc Mal on a more regular basis. I think it'll be good for me too."

"That sounds like a good plan. And I know I'm probably not the best person for it but…Elsa, if you ever want to talk to me about anything…I'm here," I say.

"You might regret it when I take you up on that," she replies, and we both laugh a little. It's so nice to hear her laugh. In fact, it's so nice to hear her sound happy again. Okay, maybe not _happy _happy but…better…

"I'd never regret that."

A small silence passes, and it's a little awkward since neither of us really know what to say. But Elsa eventually comes up with something.

"You know what's ironic?" she asks.

"Hm…what?"

"That I'm majoring in psychology and learning how to help people, yet I'm the one who's fucked up in the mind," she tells me.

I'm not sure whether I should laugh at that or be upset that she really feels that badly about herself. So instead, I let out this sort of awkward, bark of a laugh. And even though I know it's probably bad to smile after she said something like that, I can't help it because I just love her so damn much.

"Yeah…I guess that is pretty ironic," I respond.

Another silence passes between us, and this time it's a longer one, but it's comfortable…just listening to the sound of each other's breathing. It's calming in a way.

"Hey Anna?" Elsa gets out, breaking the silence again.

"Yeah?"

"What do you think it's like…being in a coma?"

Well I really don't know how to respond to this one.

"Honestly Elsa…I don't know. I don't want to say anything that could get your hopes up too high or anything that could bring you down," I tell her. It's the best I could do. Because really, I don't want to hurt Elsa any more than she already is, and I also don't want to give her false hopes that will only end up crushing her again if they aren't true.

"It's okay, I understand. I don't really know how to feel about it anymore. I don't know what to think or who I should believe. There are people who tell me she'll wake up and then there are those who don't think she will. There are people who say she might not remember the things that happened a couple months prior to the accident, and then there are those who say she might not remember anything at all. So…thanks for being honest with me Anna," she responds.

"You know I'll always tell you what I think. I'd never lie to you Elsa." She doesn't answer me, and for a moment I think she ended our call. But then I hear her let out a long sigh, so I continue. "Do – Do you believe me when I say that?"

I can basically picture the expression on her face right now; that lopsided grin as she looks at me with nothing but love sparkling in her blue eyes…her eyes, which are so breathtaking and magnificent yet so pained and broken. But they're beautiful…because she's beautiful. And I love her.

"Yes Anna…I believe you."

_NEW_

I can't tell you how much happiness came to me when Anna called. I figured she would just go home and have a nice Thanksgiving break and not worry about me, because so many people tend to just give up on me since they think I'm too screwed up to actually function in the real world. And while that might seem true right now…it's actually the furthest thing from it.

Honestly, the only reason I had this mental breakdown is because all of my problems and all of the things that hurt me came barreling into me at once…and I couldn't handle it. The doctors kept saying that this was my breaking point, when I finally couldn't take it anymore. But I disagree completely, because I know that my true breaking point is when I end up killing myself because I don't want to live in this fucked up world anymore…because I don't want to live in my fucked up _mind _anymore.

But hearing Anna's voice, knowing that she cares – it meant the world to me. And I don't think she'll ever really know how much I love her because this kind of love can't be put into words.

She helps me more than any therapist or medication could. She's the light at the end of the tunnel for me. She's the sun in my sky, the flame to my candle…and if that's taken away, all that's left is darkness. And she promised me she'd never leave me, and I believed her. In fact, I believe every word she says to me…because I love her.

And I know I don't deserve her because all I do is hurt the people around me. But that's what makes Anna such a beautiful person. She's willing to fight through any pain I cause her. She's willing to come back to me even if I hurt her. She's willing to break down my walls if I shut her out. And it's all because she loves me.

Love…it's weird. I mean, Belle and Anna still love me. How is that possible? With the way I've been treating them and what I've put them through…they shouldn't still feel that way towards me. It's like there's this beast inside me…a beast made of all my problems and mistakes and regrets, and when it's unleashed, I cause nothing but pain and harm to them.

And that's why love is weird…because why would anyone love someone like me? Someone with a beast inside them? Someone who won't do anything but hurt those around them? But I know who will. I know, no matter what, she'll always be there for me.

Anna.

* * *

**A/N: Ah…is that a Beauty and the Beast reference I see there at the end? Why yes, yes, I think it is.**

**So I know I hit you with a bunch of emotions last chapter, which is why I tried taking it a little easier with this one, but I still kept enough in so you could see the emotional toll it took on Elsa.**

**And before you guys comment or ask: yes, all those things Elsa had combined pretty much equal BPD. I would know first-hand since I have BPD myself so I can tell you that that's how I act sometimes. I'm not necessarily grouping everyone that has BPD into that saying "well they have mental breakdowns." Yes they can, and some people have it occur more than others. That's just how mental disorders work…they're different with everyone you encounter. But I'm just going off of my own experiences here because that's what I know best.**

**Again, thanks to all of you who have stayed with me this long and have put up with me ripping your hearts out and destroying your feelings most likely multiple times. I love you guys.**

**Stay awesome and happy reading.**

**- A**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here's a time lapse, so this chapter starts the day after their break. I'd say another chapter or two, depending on how I decide to map this out, until Christmas break and then stuff is gonna happen.**

**Anyway, this chapter has some emotions, not too much though, and then some Elsanna fluff so…you guys should like that.**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 13

It's the first place I go to once I unpack after break. Mulan offered to come with me, and I accepted the offer. It's late…and I probably should be sleeping right now considering I have a test tomorrow, but I really just need to take my mind off of everything that's happened recently. It's too much, and if I don't relax, then I might end up having another breakdown. I really don't need something like that at the moment.

The cool air of the rink refreshes me as I step out onto the ice. I skate around for a few minutes, do some movement warm-ups and what have you, and I instantly start to feel better. It's something I really can't explain; the feeling of being on the ice. It's like my problems instantly fade away for the moment. And to someone else it might not seem like much, but to me it's everything.

This game means so much to me. The fact that I've had the opportunity to play ice hockey and to make it this far is unreal. I've dedicated my whole life to this sport, and it's relieving to know all my hard work has paid off. I've made so many sacrifices for this. And I've literally put my blood, sweat, and tears into this sport. It can drain me emotionally sometimes, yes, but then it wouldn't be ice hockey if it didn't do that.

There are only two rows of lights on in the whole rink, so the stands are dark. The only thing illuminated is the sheet of ice. It's comforting. It feels like a second home to me.

"You ready?" Mulan shouts to me from her position at center ice. I only raise my glove hand in response. I'm really not in a mood to talk too much right now.

She skates in slowly with the puck. Mulan is a patient defenseman. She's really good at waiting for someone to make the first move…especially with goalies. She can make a goalie commit so early and she ends up having a wide open net for an easy goal. Her shot is a rocket, and if you react even a millionth of a second too late, that puck is going in the back of the net.

She does a few dekes to try and get me to move. I don't budge. See, this is the thing about me as a goalie: I'm so patient on breakaways that it's nearly impossible to score on me with a deke move. My five hole is the only place you can really score, since my patience can sometimes lead to me being a bit too slow to shut that area down. But I've improved on that, and now I'm one of the best goalies on breakaways out there. In fact, I'm simply one of the best goalies in general.

Mulan throws in a head fake as she makes three lighting fast stick handles before she goes to the glove side of my body. She tries wrapping the puck around my left pad, but I extend my leg quick enough so the puck bounces off of it.

"Agh!" Mulan shouts. "It never works on you!"

"That's because I know all your moves. If it were any other goalie it would have worked," I say.

"Why can't your legs be like, an inch shorter." That registered a small laugh from me.

"Sorry…I'm kind of good if you haven't noticed."

"You know, you're all shy and modest off the ice, but when you suit up you're one of the most arrogant people I know," she tells me.

"I have reasons to be though," I reply. "I mean, if I wasn't this good then it wouldn't make sense for me to be arrogant. But since I am…"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Mulan deadpans.

We share a laugh, and she skates out to center ice to grab another puck and comes in on another breakaway. It's a quick snap shot from the slot this time, and I drop my right pad and kick the puck out to the corner.

She goes through about twenty pucks and only scores on three of them. Honestly, just doing breakaways can be more tiring than actual practice sometimes. I mean, I don't take breaks unless I call them, and each one requires me to move. It's not like practice where on some drills I can just stand there and the puck ends up hitting me ninety percent of the time.

Mulan skates over to the bench to grab a drink of water, and I take the time to stretch out a little bit in my crease. She enters the tunnel for a brief moment, and when she comes back onto the ice she waves me over.

"There's someone here to see you," she says.

I take my helmet off and set it onto the bench and run a hand through my hair to push it back a little. A smile instantly comes to my face as my eyes land on the beautiful strawberry blonde. She walks out onto the bench, and before I know it she pulls me towards her and softly presses her lips to mine.

"I'll go skate around," Mulan says with a small laugh.

I nod at her before I turn my attention back to Anna. "What are you doing here so late?" I ask.

"You make it sound like you're not happy to see me," she answers with a laugh.

"Of course I am…but it's almost eleven."

"Well…I didn't have anything to do so I thought I should come see you."

"And you knew I'd be here…how?" I raise an eyebrow at her, which causes her to blush slightly and look away for a moment. She's so cute.

"I figured you'd be pretty upset when you got back…because – anyway, I know you usually skate when you want to…clear your mind, I guess…"

"You know me too well and we're not even halfway through the school year yet," I respond.

"It's because I love you," she says as she pulls me into a hug.

I really don't know how to respond to that. I guess I should say it back to her…but – I mean, I'm sure that I love her too, but I don't know if I want to jump into saying something like that so quickly again.

"I'm not too sure why you'd want to be anywhere close to me right now considering I smell like hockey," I say, dragging my mind off of the subject of love for the moment.

"Shut up Elsa," she replies as she rolls her eyes. "You look sexy in your equipment by the way."

"You're such a flirt."

"Yeah, but you like it."

"I never said that."

"So…I know you do."

"Really? How?"

"Because you're blushing like crazy right now."

I prevent her from saying anything else as I lean forward and capture her lips again. I mean, it's not the most romantic place for a lip lock right now; her leaning over the boards dividing the bench from the ice and me in my full hockey gear. But I guess it doesn't matter. I'd kiss Anna anywhere, because she's beautiful, and because I love her.

_NEW_

"How was your break?" Elsa asks me as we walk out of the rink together.

"It was actually better than I thought it would be," I answer. "My parents were actually normal, and Rapunzel and Eugene weren't hormonally raging like they usually are. But…I missed you Elsa." I see her smile out of the corner of my eye, and she takes my hand in hers and laces our fingers together.

"I missed you too. It was hard, but I managed…barely." She lets out a small, dry laugh and she turns her head so our eyes can meet. "But you helped me. Hearing your voice…it was nice."

"I care about you Elsa. I wasn't going to let you go through that alone…although I guess you kinda did. I wanted to go back with you, but I didn't know what I would have told my parents."

"I understand," she says. "But you still called, and that meant the world to me." And even though her eyes are dark and cold right now, her smile is still warm. "Do you uh…want to come back to my room?"

"Um…yeah sure," I say a little hesitantly.

"I mean, if you don't want to it's fine. Just…Mulan will most likely skate for another hour, probably longer, and…I don't know…I'm just…I uh – I need you right now Anna."

Those words are enough to make me cry…but I don't, because that would be sort of strange. But those three words carry the same meaning to me as the other three words I so desperately want Elsa to say to me. Elsa needs me right now, and she will always have me.

"Elsa, I'll come back with you," I say softly. "And…don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of – I don't really trust you to be alone right now."

"It's okay Anna. I don't even trust myself," she answers, and hearing her say that basically breaks my heart.

I don't mean this in a bad way, but I can't imagine what Elsa must go through every day with her conditions. They can affect her so much sometimes and make her do things she normally wouldn't do. But there's already a change in her. I can sense it. Her new medications will help…and I don't know – she just seems happier right now. And that's all I want for Elsa…for her to be happy.

It seems like her grip on my hand gets even tighter as we enter her room, and she lets out a long sigh once she closes the door. And now she looks sad, and I realize that over break, I was the only person she could turn to for support. As much as Jack cares about Elsa, he's not the best at the whole "comforting when you're going through a tough time" thing. She was alone again, trapped in her own mind and thoughts, and her only escape was talking to me.

And I was the reason all of this happened…

"I'm sorry," I get out weakly. I kissed her that night. I pulled her in for more and more and I just couldn't stop myself. I made her cheat on her girlfriend…I fell in love with her. And because I did that, Elsa's ex-girlfriend, one of her best friends, is in the hospital in a coma.

"What are you sorry for?" she asks as she sits on her bed, her feet just dangling off the edge, her back resting against the wall. I join her a few moments later.

"This happened…because of me. I shouldn't have kissed you and I - ," I'm silenced by Elsa as she holds a finger against my lips.

"It's not your fault Anna. Please, _please, _don't take the blame for something I did. _I _was the one who initiated the kiss…because I wanted to. I just…I should have been honest with Belle. I'm in the wrong here. I always have been," she says. "I was lying to her all this time. I kept going with her even though I knew I didn't truly love her.

"I thought that maybe I'd finally be able to grow a pair and just tell her, but I guess I was too much of a coward to face it. And now look where that got me…she might never wake up because of me… She fell in love with me, and I never returned that love."

"But you do," I reply. "You do love her…just not in that way, but you still care about her."

"But even after I realized that, I kept leading her on!" I can see the tears in her blue eyes, now dark and dejected. "Anna…it turned into lust. What I was feeling for Belle turned into basic attraction and desire. I kept making her think that what we had was true love, that we'd be together forever, and I almost had sex with her because of it. And I just – I don't want to do that to you Anna. Although, I guess I kind of already have."

"No, Elsa, you haven't done that to me. Please don't think that," I say. "I – I trust you with this, and I - ,"

"How can you still say that?" she interrupts. "How – after everything I've done – can you still trust me?"

"Elsa, I didn't choose to fall in love with you. It just happened, and with that came the trust. It's just something I feel, and I can't help it."

"But I'm just going to hurt you Anna," Elsa says, her voice smaller now as she tries to hold back her tears. "I'm going to end up - ,"

I stop her from saying anything else as I gently press my lips to hers. I feel her arms circle around my waist as she pulls me closer against her, and my hands come to rest on her strong shoulders.

"Tell me you didn't feel something," I say softly once I pull away, and she rests her forehead against mine.

"I meant it when I asked you to be mine," she answers.

"And I said I would…always. Look, Elsa, I've always been the kind of person to jump right into my feelings regardless of whether they'll hurt me later on. And I'm doing that right now with you. I don't care though, because I'd feel privileged if my heart was broken by you…because you're so gorgeous and amazing and sweet, and you're so strong yet so _broken_. You're perfect to me Elsa, and I am crazy in love with you."

I don't expect her to say it back. In fact, I don't expect her to say anything. Because it's true, I do jump into my feelings. And maybe I act on them too quickly, but that's just what I do. I can't help it, and it has gotten me hurt before. Elsa is the complete opposite. She waits a little before she confronts her feelings. It's like she wants to make sure they're real, because I know how easily our feelings can be manipulated sometimes, and I guess she just doesn't want that to happen to her.

"Hey Elsa…do you uh, maybe want to um…come home with me for Christmas break?" I ask quietly. It's honestly not that far away, and I really don't want Elsa and Jack going home for two weeks alone. Plus, I want to spend that time with her. It's actually pretty scandalous…having a relationship with her behind my parents' backs. I just don't want to deal with the consequences of them finding out…not yet at least.

"I was actually thinking about that," she says. "I'd love to. I'd honestly uh, like to meet your parents."

The thought sends a burst of nervousness through me. "You can't say anything about - ,"

"I know, I know. It's just…I don't know – maybe we'd get along if they never know, at least not for now," she says.

"Yeah…true. My mom actually wants to meet you too because I uh, I talk about you a lot to her," I admit, a small blush creeping onto my face.

"Really? Good things, I hope…" She lets out a small laugh and kisses me softly on my cheek, and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. She's so perfect.

"Yes, they're good things. But uh, I think it'll be good for you – for us – to spend the time together."

"Yeah…but I'm Jewish, remember?" She laughs again, and I'll say it every time: I love her laugh. It's so light and carefree. It's real. Her whole face lights up when she laughs, and it gives me the greatest feeling in the world to know that I was able to make her happy for that moment, no matter how small it may be.

"Elsa, it's fine, trust me," I say, letting out a small giggle. "I told my mom, so don't be surprised if you get a late Chanukah present from us."

"What? You're not serious…Anna, you don't have to get me anything."

"No, I am getting you something. How do you feel about clothes?"

"I'm passive about them," she answers. "I like sweatpants and hoodies."

"What about nice clothes? Like…do you own any dress clothes?"

"Um…no…why?" She gives me a skeptical look, and I can't help but blush again.

"Well…Rapunzel's parents have an annual Christmas ball. A bunch of people who work for their company go, and it's fancy and you need to dress up nicely…and…"

"Annnnddd…?"

"And…I sort of…wantyoutobemydate," I say quickly, and I'm not even sure she heard the last part considering how fast I got it out.

"So, this whole 'inviting me back over break' thing was really a plot to get me to be your date to a ball?"

"What? No, Elsa, I actually want to - ,"

"I'm just messing with you Anna…I'd love to be your date." She shoots me a wink, and it takes every ounce of restraint in me to keep myself from instigating a make out session with her because when she winks it's literally the sexiest thing ever.

"Okay…so, my mom already got me a dress, which means I need to take you shopping."

"For a tux, I'm assuming?"

"Yes…I think you'll look super hot, just saying."

"And just how are you going to explain bringing me as your date to your mom?" she asks.

"Uh…I guess we'll figure that out," I answer.

"I can't wait to hear your explanation."

I playfully hit her on her shoulder. "Hey, I'll make it convincing!"

"Yeah…okay," Elsa deadpans. "So when are we going shopping?"

"Hm…next weekend?"

"Yeah that's fine, I don't have any games. And speaking of that…don't you have a tournament this weekend?"

"Yeah. It's home so…are you gonna come?" I ask eagerly. Honestly, I really want her to see me box, not just because I'm really good, but because it'd mean the world to me to see her cheering for me in the stands.

"Well…we have home games too, so it depends on when your matches are," she answers. "But I'll certainly come if I can."

"Yay!" I squeal out, and I throw my arms tightly around her. "You're the best!"

"Anna…can't breathe…"

"Oh…sorry." She laughs as I release her from my embrace, and a comfortable silence passes between us as we just look into each other's eyes in the darkness of her room. She's so beautiful. I love her. "So...uh, you never had sex with Belle?" I mentally slap myself and physically mace palm myself the second the question leaves my mouth.

"So that's all you picked up on when I was spilling my feelings to you?" she teases.

"I'm sorry. I just - it's sort of shocking."

"We never had sex. And honestly, I'm glad we didn't. I would have regretted it, and I know she would have too," she responds. "I want my first time to be with someone I know I'll love forever and...I really think it's you Anna."

Why are we having this conversation right now? Oh right, because I brought it up. And quite honestly, I want Elsa to be my first time too...and second and third and fourth time and so on...

"I want it to be with you Elsa. I've never...wanted something like that with anyone else before I met you," I say. "And again, I'm sorry for bringing the subject up. It's still really early to talk about - ,"

"It's fine. I mean, if what we have is true - and I think it is - then we'd have to talk about it at some point right?"

"Yeah, I guess so..."

Another silence settles in, and it's a little more awkward this time considering we literally just told each other we want to have sex with each other in the future.

"Can I kiss you?" she asks suddenly.

I feel an intense blush spread onto my face again at the question. Even though we've kissed before, hearing her ask me is so adorable. She obviously knows the answer is yes, but I take the opportunity to tease her a little bit as I tap my finger on my chin and make an expression of deep contemplation.

"Hm…I'm not sure. I'll have to give it some more thought…"

"Well that's too bad, because I'm gonna kiss you anyway," she says, and the next second her lips are on mine.

Every kiss with Elsa is amazing. They're safe and loving, but at the same time they always have the possibility to turn into something more. Our lips move perfectly together as she pushes me back onto the bed. Our bodies are flush against each other, and I drape my arms over her shoulders, one of my hands tangling in her thick platinum blonde hair.

And while I'd love to rip Elsa's clothes off right now and have her fuck me all night long, I'm perfectly happy like this with her, with a kiss that isn't heated and with hands that don't wander. It's a kiss that still leaves us breathless when she pulls away. Her hands are ones that still remain around my waist, holding me close and secure, making me feel like nothing in this world can hurt me.

There's definitely something between us. And even though Elsa is afraid to admit it to herself right now, I know it's love. It's just something I can feel, and I know she feels it too. It's that indescribable pull of my heart towards hers. It's that feeling of safety I get whenever I'm with her. It's the knowledge that I fell for a girl who's so damaged and broken she may never heal. It's the inevitable hate I know my parents will feel towards me if they ever find out about us. But it's also the courage I'll have to turn around and tell them to fuck their opinions because nothing they say or do will keep me from loving Elsa.

Nothing will stop my heart from beating for Elsa. I'll do anything to keep her in my life because I love her. No one can ever tell me that what I'm doing or what I'm feeling for Elsa is wrong because nothing in my life has ever felt so _right. _And I've never had this love before, this pure, unending love that I know I can't have with anyone else. I fell in love with Elsa, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And even though she won't say it back right now, I can't help the words from falling out of my mouth.

"I love you… Do – Do you believe me when I say it?"

Elsa brings one of her hands up to cup my cheek as she leans down and places her lips softly on mine before she pulls away.

"I believe you."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the late update. Won't be updating as much since school is starting soon, so that will slow my updates for all my stories actually.**

**Anyway, I think I have two more chapters before I'll get to the whole Christmas break thing, and can I just say that Elsa in a tux is probably the hottest thing ever.**

**Some boxing and hockey in the next chapter...that sounds fun. And maybe some Elsanna smut too? Heh, we'll see ;)**

**Reviews are encouraged. Happy reading!**

**- A**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry for the late update.**

**A little boxing and hockey sounds fun…smut sounds good too. After all, we haven't had much Elsanna yet.**

* * *

Chapter 14

Elsa Frost is actually perfection. I know I've probably said that over a million times by now, but she is. Physically…unf…don't even get me started on how amazing her body is. As a person…she's beautiful. And no matter how much she convinces herself she's not, she's the kindest and most selfless person I've ever met. I love her for that. And athletically…insanely talented. I've never seen a goalie as good as she is. Everything about how she plays; her style, technique, focus…it's all flawless. I love her for that too.

In fact, I love her because she's Elsa. Yeah, she's had a couple more incidents with Hans and some other students, but their insults don't seem to bring her down as much as they used to. She's happier now. And even though she's only been on the new medications for almost a week, I can tell they're already making a difference.

It's hard to believe we've only been "officially" together for a week and a half. It feels like we've been together for months considering we shared our first kiss with each other in like, late September or sometime around there.

And I love her.

And now, as I'm sitting next to Jack in the hockey arena, watching ArendelleU slaughter the University of Corona, that statement hits me harder than it ever has. To think that the amazing, smart, athletic, talented, beautiful Elsa Frost is my girlfriend is somewhat overwhelming. It doesn't seem real. How am I so lucky? But it makes it even better because I know she feels the same way about me too. I love her, she loves me, and we're together and we're going to get married and have children and live happily ever after…and wow, I'm getting way too ahead of myself.

"So what time is your match tonight?" Jack asks me.

"Oh…it's at six," I tell him.

"Alright, awesome. Elsa and I will be there." He shoots me a cute, lopsided grin, one that I often see on Elsa's face, and I can't help but smile in return. "I guess we got lucky she had an earlier game today," he continues. "Usually her games are at seven or eight."

"Yeah…she was telling me that she couldn't come to my match tomorrow since her game is later."

"She's been looking forward to it. I mean, no one has ever seen you box except for your team, but I hear you're pretty good," he says.

"I'm okay," I respond.

"Sometimes I don't understand how you and Elsa get along so well." He laughs and I give him a puzzled look.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're so humble," Jack answers. "And she's well…not so much."

"Are you kidding me? Elsa's like, the most modest person I've ever met. If I tell her she played really well or something like that she'll always say 'oh, uh, thanks' or 'yeah, I did alright.' She's super modest!" I exclaim, letting out a soft laugh.

"Yeah, but if you tell her she's a great goalie or that people say she's really amazing she'll react completely differently. Usually she just shrugs her shoulders and says 'yeah, I know.'" Jack imitates the actions, lifting his shoulders up and cocking his head to the side, and a smug grin comes to his face as he says the words. "I swear, that's what she does," he finishes.

"Well…I'll tell you when I experience it myself," I say.

I mean, I wouldn't expect Elsa to be the kind of person who is arrogant about her talent. But then again…there's something about a filthy rich, domineering, arrogant Elsa that really turns me on. Like, would that make her more dominating or…would she still be pretty shy about sex? I don't know…but picturing Elsa being totally dominant of me as she makes love to me all night long is really hot. Heh…add that to my already long list of fantasies of what I want Elsa to do to me.

Anyway…ArendelleU is beating Corona four to nothing right now, and it's only the second period. I'll never understand why our school is so good at ice hockey. Every year, some of the best players in the country come to our school…and Elsa is one of them. Gahhh…I could fangirl all day about what a talented goalie she is.

"You have your Elsa Face on," I hear Jack say to me.

"Wait…what?"

"Your Elsa Face is showing."

"I have an Elsa Face?"

"Yeah…you get this super dreamy look on your face, and that's how I can tell you're thinking about her," he answers.

"Okay, well you just interrupted me," I say shortly, and he laughs.

"Did I? I'm sorry. I'll let you continue."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Just saying…" He trails off as he raises his hands in mock defeat and lets out another laugh.

"You're terrible."

"Hm…possibly. But let's be honest, I'm sure you get much more sass and teasing from Elsa," he says.

"Definitely more teasing," I answer. "I'm usually the one who sasses her."

"I'm sure she loves that," Jack says sarcastically.

"Most of the time she doesn't know how to react to it. It's kind of awkward…but then again, Elsa _is _awkward, so nothing new there."

"I feel like your awkwardness and her awkwardness combined…that doesn't affect either of you?"

"Nah." I give a dismissive wave of my hand. "We're just – YEAH ELSA!" I yell midsentence as the platinum blonde comes up with a huge breakaway save right at the end of the second period. A bunch of students looks over at me, but I don't really care. I mean, she's my girlfriend…I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to cheer for her at her hockey games.

"You're sure about that?" Jack asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Positive. What I was saying though, is that we're just used to it. I mean, awkward silences between us aren't really all that awkward," I tell him.

"Ah, I see." Clearly he doesn't believe me. Eh, whatever. "So what is this Christmas ball Elsa told me about?" he asks.

"Oh…that…well, uh, I wanted you two to come back with me over winter break. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to, but um…Elsa is, and I - ,"

"I'm coming too," he interrupts, pushing his snow white hair out of his face a little bit. "And it's mainly because I want to see my sister in a sophisticated social situation."

"Thanks," I deadpan.

"Anna…I like you and I'd love to spend some time with you over the holidays, but we're talking about Elsa here! She hates people!"

"She's my date," I say randomly.

"I figured that much. She told me you were taking her shopping next weekend to buy her a tux, right?"

"Yeah…I'll probably faint but…ya know, that's what I get for having a smoking hot girlfriend right?" I get out, managing to laugh a little.

"I think you'll be able to keep yourself together," he answers. "However, if you do faint, I'll be the first person Elsa tells that story to, and neither of us will ever let you live that down."

"So there's an incentive for me _not _to faint."

"Exactly. But uh, how are you going to tell your parents that um…you two are together?"

"I won't. They just know that's she's my best friend. And since we're talking about dates, are you going with anyone?"

"I am actually," Jack replies.

"Who?"

"He goes here. He's a sophomore like me and - ,"

"Woah, Jack…I didn't know you played for the other team!" I say.

"Okay, well now you know. Anyway, he's super hot…and he's such a dork too. His name is Hiccup. You might have heard of him. He's one of the captains of the lacrosse team since he's so good."

"Oh yeah…people have told me about him. But that's cute! Just…stay away from my parents then," I say in a joking tone.

"I won't make any promises on that." He smirks at me, and I only roll my eyes in return.

Seriously, my parents might end up spontaneously combusting with how much gay is showing up to their home over Christmas break.

_NEW_

I'm greeted with a hug and a soft kiss as I walk out of the back of the rink. I swear, I could kiss her lips all day if she'd let me…and…she probably would. She's wearing my Superman hoodie I gave her that day I…well…yeah…and it's a size too big for her so she looks adorable in it. Her hair is done in its usual pigtail braids and how hot would it be to pull her by those during sex wait, what? Anyway…she looks cute, and hot, and sexy, and gorgeous all at the same time and she's so perfect and I love her.

"You played awesome," Anna says, keeping her arms linked around my shoulders.

"Thanks. I'm glad you came," I reply. We ended up winning the game six to one. Corona's goal was pretty crappy…just a fourth rebound chance right in front that my defense should have cleared away by then. Eh…can't stop them all. Still though, we won…and in the end that's all that matters.

"Of course I did. You can still make it to my match tonight right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for anything." I give her a small kiss on her cheek before we head to my car. "Do you want to go out for dinner after it?" I ask as I turn the key in the ignition.

"I'd love to!" she exclaims. Agh, she's too cute. "Where should we go?"

"We'll see…maybe I'll just surprise you." I shoot her a wink, and she blushes slightly and looks away for a moment. Gosh I love this girl. "Besides, I do actually want to take you on a date, and I know the perfect place for one. So…I hope you have some nice clothes with you."

"Elsa, I'm not letting you take me out to some fancy meal and - ,"

"But I want to. And no matter how much you protest it, I'm taking you."

"Ugh…fine." She lets out a groan and then laughs. "Just how nice of clothes are we talking about though?"

"It's a casual-formal…" I say as I pull my car into a spot in front of Anna's dorm building.

"Holy shit. Okay…yeah, I think I have something," she replies.

"Good. I'll make the reservation for eight thirty. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, my match should only be like, an hour or so," she says.

"Alright. I'll see you there. Good luck." I smile and lean over and softly place my lips on hers.

She responds by throwing an arm over my shoulder and pulling me closer to her by my braid. Fuck, I guess her pulling my braid during sex would be pretty hot too. But before the kiss can gain any heat, Anna pulls away, and she smiles at me.

"I'm happy you can come to it," she says. "I'll see you soon. I love you." She gives me a small kiss before she hops out of my car.

I still haven't said those three words back to her.

_NEW_

"You ready?" Adam asks me as we stand in our corner of the boxing ring. This is so exciting. Our first home tournament, and every seat in the stadium is filled. I'm going against a girl from Corona. Apparently she's really good. She has a couple inches on me, but I think I'm a bit more solid on my feet than she is.

"Pumped," I answer shortly.

I'm honestly surprised Adam showed up to the tournament. He wasn't at our practices all week. He took the whole accident with Belle really badly. I mean, it's not hard to tell this guy is pretty much in love with her. He's friends with Elsa too, so hearing about her breakdown didn't help him much either. But…here he is.

"Look, I'm sorry I wasn't at practice but…I'm here now. I'd never let down my team for anything," he says.

I smile up at him. "It means a lot. You're a really awesome guy."

He returns the smile and rests his hand on my shoulder. "Thanks… Well, not much else to say now except good luck. You'll do great. Just remember to be light on your feet and don't overthink things," he responds.

_Fuck yes. Here we go…'bout to kick some Corona ass. _Yeah, basically that's what I tell myself before all my matches. Hey, whatever gets you pumped up, right?

I'm usually not the one to make the first move, and that's what I'm going for right now. We take a few moments; circling each other, trying to decide what each other's weaknesses might be. I remind myself to bounce on the balls of my feet, since I can sometimes get flatfooted if I don't constantly do it.

And within another few moments, the Corona girl gets impatient and takes the first swing. She lunges forward, and I easily block her right handed swing…I also notice that when she lunges out her feet are completely flat and that she's in no position to react properly.

She quickly comes back with a left handed uppercut, and I barely jump back in time, and it still catches me on the edge of my jaw. Holy shit, this girl is strong. I can understand why she gets so many knockouts now. Her fist barely grazed by jaw, yet the entire bottom half of my head is aching. All I can say is that I'm glad I have my mouth guard in.

And she still comes at me. Holy shit, she's relentless. And fuck, blocking all of her punches is really tiring. I deflect her left hand to the side, and I react just in time again as she throws a hard, strong swing at me. I parry the blow so it's won't – ya know – hit me right in the center of my face, and instead her fist slams into my cheekbone. Um…ouch.

And yeah, this girl is definitely going down now. Doesn't she know I have a date tonight with my insanely hot girlfriend at a fancy restaurant? I can't go with a black eye! Well, Corona Bitch, you messed with the wrong redhead. They don't call me 'feisty-pants' for nothing.

She lunges at me again, and I sidestep her swing and come back with my own left fist and slam it right into the side of her head. It shakes her up a bit, and it gives me a split second longer so I'm able to come up into her jaw with a right handed uppercut. And just as she led on a relentless throwing of punches at me, I do the same to her. Except the only difference is that I was quick enough to block nearly all her punches…she's not.

I land a couple blows to her stomach, one to each side of her head, and finally one right to the center of her face. At last, the referee interferes and pulls us apart as the girl falls onto the floor. The girl has blood leaking from her nose as well as her mouth. And I could care less because the first round goes to me…and in the end, winning is all that matters.

* * *

So the Corona Bitch got the second round. I just got flatfooted and she tore me apart because of it. I'm pretty sure I'll have a shit ton of bruises on my body tomorrow.

Anyway, I need to win the third round. Best out of three is how our tournament works, and right now I think I have the upper hand. I need to keep throwing punches at her without getting sloppy. It'll tire her out more if she has to keep blocking instead of being the one delivering the blows.

I move quickly, reminding myself every second to be light on my feet, and I land a few left and right handed punches; a couple to the sides of her head, and a couple to her arms, and I know those ones will help to weaken her endurance.

She finally takes a lunge at me, and I step back and load my right arm up and jab it forward with as much power as I can. And holy fuck, I don't think I've ever hit anyone this hard before.

My fist collides with the middle of her face, and she goes crashing to the floor. I move to land another blow, but the ref puts her hands on my shoulders to keep me from going any further. I actually think I hurt this girl pretty badly. I can still feel a small ache in my right arm from the punch.

"Arendelle wins!" the ref announces, and immediately Adam comes over to me and lifts me up in a giant bear hug. Meanwhile, the Corona girl is still lying on the ground, and her coach has to help her stand up. Her eyes look a little dilated…holy shit, I probably gave her a concussion.

"You were amazing!" Adam exclaims, happiness and pride lighting up his blue eyes.

"Learned from the best." I smile and playfully hit him in the arm.

"Hey, you were already pretty great when you came here. I just…fine-tuned some things," he replies with a smirk.

I guess I should probably be concerned that I legitimately hurt that Corona girl and most likely ended her season, but I'm too caught up in the fact that I actually beat her. I mean, she was being looked at by the Olympic team…that's pretty crazy. But hey, I guess sometimes speed beats size.

* * *

"Hey Anna, the team is going out to dinner to celebrate our wins today. Do you want to come?" Aurora asks.

"Oh…uh, I already made plans with Elsa," I answer.

"Oh, that's okay! So I'm assuming she's taking you on a date?"

"Yup…I have to go back to my dorm and change. Apparently the restaurant is pretty fancy."

"Awh, that's sweet of her. Have fun though," she says, and she shoots me a wink and raises her eyebrows suggestively at me.

"I never thought you could think that way." I let out a laugh as we walk out of our locker room together.

"I usually don't, but you clearly want her dick," Aurora replies bluntly. I hit her on her arm.

"Hey!" I exclaim. "That is not the only reason!"

"I know, I know…I'm just messing around with you. But seriously, get it if you can tonight." And with that, she walks in the opposite direction, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway with my mouth hanging open in shock. Seriously though, who would have thought that Aurora of all people could have a dirty mind?

I push open the doors to the back of the boxing stadium, and I find Elsa already waiting there for me.

"Were you here long?" I ask.

"Nope, only a few minutes. You did great," she says, a bright smile lighting up her ice blue eyes. She's so gorgeous like gah…hug me, kiss me, let me have your children. Um…okay, maybe not that last one just yet.

We walk hand in hand back to her car, which is parked in the back lot of the hockey rink. She drove me over to the boxing stadium. Let's just say a hot make out session with her was very necessary before my match. And then that reminds me that I haven't gotten a kiss from her yet for doing so well in my match.

I toss my bag in the trunk of her car, and I don't give her a chance to get into the car as I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her lips to mine. She responds eagerly, pushing me against the car door, trapping me against it as she places her hands on either side of my hips.

Our lips move effortlessly against each other's, and I let out a soft gasp as her tongue pushes against my lips, and I quickly grant her the entrance she wants. It's not a battle for her. I let her dominate me. I let her tongue press roughly against mine. I let her hands wander around my body. And I can't help the small moan I let out as she moves her lips from mine and trails hot, open-mouthed kisses along my jaw before she moves them down again to my neck. She sucks at the skin where my neck and collarbone meet before she nips gently at the spot, causing me to let out another soft moan of her name.

"Babe…I have another match…tomorrow," I gasp out. "Don't give me…a hickey."

"Now you're just tempting me," she mumbles against my neck.

And before she can get any ideas, I bring her lips back onto mine. And even though I know that she loves me, that I'm the one she wants, I can't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy at thinking that these are the same lips Belle kissed. And even though I haven't done it yet, it'll be the same cock that Belle had her mouth all over multiple times I'm sure. And I know it's bad but _fuck, _I just want to know that I'm all Elsa's and that she's all mine.

I fumble with the handle of the car door, and once I open it, I fall onto the backseat of her car with her on top of me. She reaches behind her and closes the door before she settles her body on top of mine, and I can feel the large bulge in her looser jeans pressing against me and _christ _does it turn me on.

I press into her and kiss her roughly as I move my hands from her shoulders and down my body to grapple with the button and zipper on my jeans. Once I undo them, I slide my hands beneath her hoodie and shirt and run my hands over her abs, feeling how her muscles tense whenever I trace my fingernail over it. Christ, she's so hot.

I lift my hips off of the seat for a moment so I can pull my jeans down, and then Elsa breaks the kiss.

"Wait…Anna, what - ,"

"Shhh…" I place a finger over her lips before I continue to pull my pants off of me, and then I toss them onto the floor of her car. "No sex…I know…" I guide one of her hands across my hips and slip it under the waistband of my panties. "…Just some insanely hot foreplay." I smirk at her and lean up to gently kiss her.

"You're…okay with this?" she asks. Awh, she's so sweet. But now I want her to finger me and then eat me out, so there's no time to be sweet.

"Yes…Elsa, I want you right now. Please, just – ah…fuck!" my words are cut short and I whine out in pleasure as she slowly circles her finger around my clit. My arms are back around her shoulders, and my fingers grip tightly at the fabric of her hoodie and I press my lips hard against hers to muffle my small cries of pleasure.

I know she wants this too, and shit, if she gets any harder I think the zipper on her jeans just might pop. And right now, I just want to undo her jeans and make her slam her cock into me, make her fuck me so hard I won't be able to walk the next morning. But no…we can't do that now; not only because we don't have protection, but also because we made the silent promise to wait until we were sure we're ready, because we care, and because we love each other.

_NEW_

I love Anna. I do…I really, _really _do. I want to make love to her right now, but seeing her like this…I'm content, and it's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

I don't know how she convinced me to do it. Maybe it was just me getting caught up in the moment, but I'll never regret this. Because seeing Anna look so vulnerable, so gorgeous under my touch makes me love her even more.

I already had her so built up from before, so when she told me to go down on her I didn't really know what to expect. She was so wet though, and it turned me on even more, if that was even possible. And still, I can feel my cock throbbing with need and want inside my jeans.

And right now, I know she's so close. The way her eyes burn into mine, clouded by lust and pleasure, practically begging me to give her the release she needs…and I do.

I press the pad of my thumb against her clit and rub it hard as I trail my tongue along her folds slick with her wetness, and the second I dip my tongue inside her she comes completely undone. And she looks so beautiful right now; her back arches off the leather seat of my car, one hand grips onto the edge of the seat while the other tangles roughly in my hair, her legs lock tightly around my shoulders, keeping my face buried between her legs, and she lets out one last scream of my name before she comes into my waiting mouth, and _christ _she tastes _so _good.

And hearing the way she screams my name pushes me over the edge soon after, and I can feel my own cum shoot into the fabric of my boxers. And fuck, that's gross but I really don't care because I just gave my beautiful, amazing girlfriend an orgasm.

I let her ride out her orgasm, and once her body relaxes, I move up and press my lips to hers, letting her taste herself on my lips and tongue, and I can't help the small moan that escapes me as our tongues meet.

We're both left panting as she breaks the kiss, gasping for much needed air as we look into each other's eyes. Fuck, I love her so damn much.

"That…was amazing," she pants out as she runs a hand through my hair, pushing my bangs back a bit before she kisses me softly again.

"Mm," I mumble against her lips. "You made me cum…in my fucking jeans."

"Don't worry Els…next time it'll be in my mouth." Fuck, that's sexy. "Maybe I can go down on you with you in that new tux at the ball."

"That would be really hot," I say back.

"Mhmm…maybe someone will catch us…that'd be scandalous."

"It would be. And what would your parents think, hm? Not only are you dating a girl, but I was also born with a dick…scandalous indeed."

"If they got mad…I'd simply tell them that you've already fucked me and then I'd walk away," she answers.

"I'd love to see that," I say.

"Yeah…especially because after, I know you'd take me home and you'd make hot, rough, sexy, passionate love to me all night."

"Count on it," I say softly and sweetly as I brush my lips across hers.

Honestly, the thought of making love to Anna gets me so turned on yet so nervous at the same time. I can't help but overthink something like that. I hope she wouldn't regret it. No…she wouldn't. She told me she wanted her first time to be with me. And I want that too. I don't want anyone else after Anna. She's perfect to me. I love her. Still though…I haven't said it to her…

"Oh…and Elsa?" she gets out as our eyes meet again.

"Hm?"

"I guess dinner will have to wait for another night."

* * *

**A/N: So smut, many Elsanna, very orgasm, wow. **

**I figured you all have been so deprived of Elsanna you could use this.**

**Again, sorry for the delayed update…hockey camp happened so yeah. So with school starting in a couple weeks, my updates will be delayed. Sometimes they may be short, other times they may be long. I wish I could update quickly and write a lot but…academics and hockey come first.**

**I hope to get at least one or two more chapters up before I start school though.**

**You guys are awesome. Happy reading!**

**- A**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: The Elsanna ship is sailing :) There are a couple time jumps in this chapter. Just wanted to have some cute Elsanna, some feels, and then more cute Elsanna.**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter – 15

_**One week later **_

"Why did I agree to this?" Elsa groans out as I take her hand.

"Uh…because you're my date to the ball, duh," I answer.

"I don't need your sass."

"Elsa, you sass me all day so you have no room to talk."

She scoffs playfully and runs a hand through her platinum blonde hair to push her long, fluffy bangs out of her face, and I have to remind myself how to walk because I'm pretty sure I just lost all feeling in my body. She's so hot when she does that! Well…Elsa is hot all the time, but especially today. Like come on Elsa, why did you have to wear your black and purple flannel and black jeans? She just looks so tempting like unf…

"I don't go to malls a lot," Elsa says as I basically drag her through the doors of the mall. "I don't know how to do this whole shopping thing."

I can't help the small laugh that escapes me. She's so adorable. "Well…there's a great tux store in here, so we're going there. You can try on as many as you want," I tell her.

"Ughhh, I just want to buy the first one I see," she whines.

"I'm sure you'll look good in anything you put on your body." I shoot her a wink, and she blushes slightly before she kisses me on my cheek.

"So I'm assuming that if you faint then I must look great."

"You'd look more like…sexy as fuck," I say back.

"Thanks for the compliment," Elsa says, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Well, I mean, you are…but you're also beautiful and gorgeous and cute - ,"

"And you're perfect," she cuts in, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"Don't lie to me…"

"Why would I ever do that?"

I look away from Elsa for a moment as we walk into Rico's – the store that's absolutely amazing for tuxedos and dresses and basically anything fancy.

"I don't know," I start. "I just – I've never had this with anyone. And I know that probably sounds insanely cheesy, but it's the only way I can say it."

"It doesn't sound cheesy," she replies, tilting my face up so our eyes can meet. "I haven't had this either. There's just something about you Anna…and it keeps pulling me to you. And it happened the moment I met you." She smiles at me before she kisses me on my forehead, and even that is enough to send my heart and emotions spiraling out of control.

"So…a tux," she finishes, pulling away as she takes a look around the store.

"Yup! It can be a standard one if you want, but if you want one that matches my dress we can do that too," I say.

"What does your dress look like?"

"Well, that's a surprise for you…but it's pretty simple. It's like a dark, forest green color. It's silky, and it's really pretty. I think you'll like it."

"Can I wear a tie that matches that color?" she asks.

"Yeah sure. Uh, you wouldn't mind if I said I wanted you to wear a bowtie, would you?"

"Of course not," Elsa says. "Although, I'm sure that would look more attractive. Are you sure you want to risk that?"

"Are you asking that in terms of 'I won't faint' or 'other girls might try to steal you away from me'?"

"Hm…I suppose both. I mean, I'd imagine I'd be pretty damn hot in a tux."

"I'm sure you will be. Now go pick something out," I tell her.

Okay, now I see what Jack was saying about how she can be full of herself. But then again…_major _turn on for me. I mean seriously; arrogant Elsa is probably my favorite Elsa. Meh, I'm not sure actually. I think I just love Elsa in general. She's literally flawless. Why can't we just get married already? Okay, maybe that's getting a little too ahead of where we are right now, but still…I can hope right?

* * *

"You ready yet?" I ask through the door of the dressing room Elsa is in.

"Yeah, let me just – okay," she replies. "I hope you're sitting down though."

"Oh come on Elsa, I think you – mother of god and all things holy…" I have to brace myself against the wall once Elsa steps out of the dressing room, and I'm not exaggerating at all.

Just…oh my god. If we weren't in a public store right now my panties would have dropped so hard they'd be halfway to China already. In fact, they probably are. I was definitely overestimating myself when I thought I'd be able to handle seeing Elsa in a tux. How am I going to spend a whole night with her like this when all I want to do right now is rip that tux right off her body?

I mean, it's not like the tux is anything special; typical black jacket and pants, black waistcoat, and a white button down shirt under it but still – on Elsa, it's a billion times sexier. It fits her perfectly. It's not too loose on her, and it's just tight enough so it shows off her slim and athletic figure.

"Anna, try not to drool." Elsa's smooth voice brings me back to Earth, and my eyes meet hers instead of wandering to _other _places on her body. Like, how hot it would be to just unzip those pants and…okay, now I'm getting off track.

"Have you seen yourself?!" I exclaim. "You look photo-shopped or something! It's like you're straight out of a modeling magazine! Seriously, this isn't fair…how do you always manage to look so perfect?"

"Please, I'm sure you'll look just as perfect in your dress."

"Nothing compared to you…"

And then it hits me; I'm going to have a much harder time explaining this to my parents than I thought. Gosh, I'm such an idiot. I should have thought this through. I mean, bringing Elsa to the ball, having her wear a tux…it's pretty damn obvious I'd be attracted to her.

"Anna, are you okay?" Elsa asks.

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's just…I should have thought about this more, about what my parents will think and stuff, ya know?"

"Hey, it'll be fine. I'm sure they'll figure it out, but they can't keep us apart or tell us that what we have is wrong," she says, taking my hands in hers. "You never know, they might come around some day."

"But it won't be soon enough. My dad will probably flip once he realizes we're together. My mom…I don't know. She'll be upset but…I think she'd be more willing to try and accept it than my dad will be."

"Well, they're going to have to put up with it since Jack is taking Hiccup as his date. He told you right?"

"Yeah, he mentioned it. My parents will probably faint but…"

"I mean, I won't act too gay if that's what you're saying."

"Elsa, oh my god! I never said anything like that!" I exclaim.

"But you were implying it."

"I was not! If anything, _I'll _be the one who acts all gay because seriously, look at you Elsa! You're a total panty dropper!"

"Did you really just say that?" She raises an eyebrow at me, and I have to use all my strength to keep myself from melting into a puddle on the floor. Gah, she's so perfect.

"Yes I did," I say firmly. "It's true though. You do realize that half the girls in our school want to bang you right?"

"I mean, I guess. But I don't see why they'd - ,"

"Elsa, you're fucking hot, that's why! I mean seriously; you're the star of our hockey team, you're smart, you're funny…any girl would go for that! Yeah, you're super awkward and a huge dork, but I don't know…it adds to your charm."

"I have a charm?"

"Yeah! Like, you smile at me and I just die. And you can go from being all cute and stuff to being a complete sex goddess the next second, and it's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair Anna," she retorts, a smirk coming to her face.

"I don't need your sass."

"Touché. But come on, I know you love it."

So yeah, we're just having this conversation in the middle of a fancy tuxedo store with Elsa still standing there in the tux. I swear, it's enough to make me want to push her into that changing room and have her fuck me against the – okay, whoa…now I'm definitely getting ahead of myself.

"Elsa, please change out of the tux before I have an orgasm," I say casually.

"Well now that you mentioned it…" She winks at me before she brings her lips down onto mine. Motherfucker, this is hot. "Remember last weekend?" she mumbles against my lips.

"Mhmm…"

"Maybe you can return the favor sometime?"

I move to push her into the changing room, and my hands find their way to the button on her pants.

She smiles as she pulls away, and she rests her hands on mine. "I didn't mean now babe."

"What…no, you can't just - ,"

"You'll get it soon enough."

"But Elsa…"

"Anna," she says, placing a finger over my lips. "I think over Christmas break would be a better time, hm?"

I smirk at the thought. It actually would be better…and so much hotter. "That actually sounds like a good idea."

"Maybe your parents will hear."

"Or maybe," I start, and I pull her by the lapels on her jacket so she's pressed against me, "they'll hear me screaming your name all night as you make sweet love to me." I trace my finger over her lips, and she places a small kiss to my fingertip before she pushes my hand aside and captures my lips again. It's short and sweet, but it still has the passion to it that all our other kisses seem to contain.

"That would be amazing," she says softly as she pulls away.

I'm not sure if this is really the best place to talk about this, but who really cares? I'm with Elsa, she's kissing me, and we're talking about making love.

She's perfect. I love her. I want to have her children. And I love her. Wait, I just said that. Eh, whatever, I'll say it again. I love Elsa. There's really no point in denying it. I've told her too. I can't help it. She hasn't said it back though.

Maybe it is a little selfish for me to hope for that since we've only been dating for two and a half weeks, but still…I know she loves me. At least I hope she does. If I just heard her say it, all my doubts would dissipate. But maybe she's holding back because of what happened with Belle. She loved her, and she lost her. Maybe she doesn't want that to happen with me, and she's just waiting for the right time to say it. Elsa doesn't want to hurt me, that's obvious.

But, I wouldn't mind being hurt by her. I don't know why…maybe it's because I truly love her, and no matter what happens between us, I'll always love her, and I'll never give up on her.

* * *

_**A week before Christmas break**_

_NEW_

I haven't been back here since Thanksgiving break, so I don't know why I'm here now. Maybe it's to apologize, or maybe it's just to see her. But still, nothing can be done for the emotional damage I took from it, and nothing can ever make up for what I did to her, how I hurt her, how I lied to her.

I don't think she believed me – the last time I told her I loved her.

I did mean it though. I still love her. I always will. She was the first person to help me feel love after my parents died. She pulled me back up. And although I'm still – and always will be – really, _really _fucked up in my head…she helped me. She was always there for me if I needed to vent or cry. Whenever I lost my mind, she always helped me find it.

And I'm so conflicted, because I still believe that we have true love between us. But then…if it was true; why would I lie to her? Why would I hit her? Why would I break her heart?

But that's the thing about love; it's not perfect. It's darkly beautiful. It has its own way of showing its ugly face. Or maybe it's just wearing a mask. Maybe, under that mask, is the most beautiful thing ever. Maybe it's all the happiness in the world or something. I don't know…I guess Belle and I just weren't cut out for it. But it'll be different with Anna. I know it will be.

Still though, one of my best friends is lying in a coma right now, and she might never wake up. And it's all because of me. I'll never understand how either Belle or Anna fell in love with me. Like, don't they realize how messed up I am? I don't know why anyone would want to get involved with me.

I only hurt those around me, and it results in my pain increasing even more.

But I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all…

I pull up a chair next to the hospital bed Belle is in, and I take one of her hands in mine. I lace my fingers with hers before I lean forward a little bit and push some loose strands of her hair back.

"You're so beautiful," I say softly.

People have told me that sometimes when someone is in a coma, they can still hear it when you talk to them. Of course, that's not always the case. I'll just hope it is right now though.

"You have no idea how sorry I am. Although, I'm pretty sure my apology means nothing right now. I just need you to know, because I don't think you believed me that last time I said it."

There's only silence following my words. Of course there is. But I don't really care. Maybe she's listening though. Maybe she can hear me. That would be nice. Maybe she'd forgive me if she was awake right now. Maybe she wouldn't…

"I wish we could start over," I continue. "I wish I had just been honest with you, and then none of this would have happened. But those are just wishes that will never come true. I wish you would wake up though…maybe that one will happen."

I lean forward and rest my chin on the edge of the bed, and I drape my other arm around Belle's waist.

And I cry.

I did a research paper on stuff like this last year…on loss and grief, and how some losses can be worse than others.

Death is the most general type of loss. It's there and it's real, although the mind can never really get a grasp on it. Whenever we lose someone close to us, we always say things like 'I can't believe they're gone.' But the truth of the matter is that we eventually grow to believe, no matter how hard it is. We recognize that they're never coming back, and even though it will always pain us, we learn to move on.

But with Belle, it's a completely different kind of loss. It's not something that's easy to explain. It's like she's here, but she isn't. She's not dead, but she's not alive either. It doesn't make sense, and I'll never expect it to. This is a different kind of pain.

And it's called love.

I lift my face, now wet with my tears, from the sheets of the bed. I focus on the steady rise and fall of Belle's chest, and it only causes another round of tears to come pouring out of my eyes.

"I miss you so much. I never really thought about how painful life would be without you. You're so important to me," I say, my voice choppy and hoarse as I try to hold back my tears. "I just want you to wake up. Please, please, _please_ wake up Belle…"

I wasn't expecting the emotions to hit me as hard as they did. I thought that after my mental breakdown – literally – I'd become a little more stable. And I know I say it a lot, but now, seeing her like this…it makes it all so real to me: the fact that she really might never wake up. And I'll be left to take all the guilt that will come with it. Because the girl that loved me unconditionally, the girl who sacrificed things for me, the girl who never gave up on me, would be gone. And that's why she has to wake up. She can't leave me now.

"I lied to you Belle – I _hurt _you, and I know what I did is unforgivable, but please…stay." I press my lips to the back of her hand. Her skin still feels soft against my lips…a feeling that will always be familiar to me. And I might have lingered for just a bit too long for it to be passed off as merely a friendly, supportive gesture, but what can I say… Sure, we broke up, but that doesn't mean I'll stop loving her.

Belle truly is an amazing person, and I feel blessed that she's a part of my life. She's been able to keep me grounded and on my feet this whole time. I don't know what I'd do or where I'd be without her. She needs to stay.

"Belle…please. I – I st-still…need you…"

* * *

"Miss…?"

What? Whose voice is that?

"Miss…are you alright?"

What kind of question is that? Of course I'm not alright.

I force my eyes open, and once I lift my head, I'm met with the bright gray eyes of a nurse. Wait…I'm still in the hospital?

"Wha-What time is it?"

"It's almost eleven thirty at night. You've been here all day. I'm assuming you dozed off at some point," the nurse answers.

"Oh…uh…" I'm still holding Belle's hand, and my other arm is still wrapped around her waist...and my heart is still aching. "Sorry," I manage to get out.

"It's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'll be fine," I lie through my teeth. "Can you just…give me one more minute…alone?"

She gives a sympathetic nod and smiles sadly at me before she turns and leaves the room.

I face Belle again, and I trace my thumb over the back of her hand in small, random patterns and shapes; a circle, a square…a heart. I just wish she'd wake up right now, and then I could hold her against me and she'd understand how sorry I am and we could help each other to move on. But that won't happen…at least not yet. In fact, it might never happen…

I let out a small sigh before I stand up from the chair. I lean forward and press my lips against Belle's forehead, and I place our still intertwined hands over my heart. And she probably won't believe me, but I need her to know, because I do mean it. It is true, and nothing will stop it.

"I love you."

* * *

_**Two days later**_

_NEW_

"Have you ever done this before?" I ask Elsa as she takes one of my hands in her own.

"I learned, but nope…never," she answers. "Do you know how?"

"I'm okay."

"I'll help you then," she tells me.

So yeah…we're going to a ball in a week, so obviously there will be dancing. And knowing how clumsy I can be sometimes, I wanted to practice a little bit…or maybe I just wanted to spend more time with Elsa.

The dance building had classes today, so we couldn't go there. Instead, we're in one of the smaller auditoriums on campus, using the stage to practice different styles of ballroom dancing. Elsa told me I just needed to learn a couple different variations of the waltz; a slower one, and a faster one. It seems simple enough.

"So…do you want to go slow first?" Elsa asks.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

She smiles and rests her other hand on my waist. I can't help the intense blush that spreads across my cheeks as I place my hand on her shoulder. I have to boost myself up on the tips of my toes to reach her lips – damn height difference – and I give her a soft kiss before I let her lead me into the waltz.

Elsa starts singing a soft tune for us to follow, and we add our own things into it; a turn or twist here and there, a small dip every so often…something that will definitely seem too romantic at the ball for it to be passed off as merely friends dancing.

"Your voice is beautiful," I say.

"Thank you," she answers in between notes. She pulls me back to her after giving me a small twirl, our fingers lacing with each other's again and our bodies only centimeters apart.

I wanted her to wear the tux for this, and I would have worn my dress, so we could really get comfortable with dancing in them. But, I felt like I'd probably faint if I saw her again in that outfit. Plus, there's something oddly romantic about dancing on the stage of an empty auditorium; Elsa in a Superman tank top and black gym shorts, me in baggy sweatpants and a plain white, loose fitting shirt. It feels intimate in a way, and I can't even begin to describe how or why.

"I thought you said you were only okay at dancing," Elsa comments.

"Hm…maybe it's because I'm not focusing on it."

"So I'm assuming you're focusing on me then?"

"Don't get too full of yourself," I say as I playfully roll my eyes. "But if it'll make you feel better…then yes, I was focusing on you."

She ends the waltz by dipping me, one hand pressing against my back while the other circles around my waist. When she pulls me back up, we're closer than before, our bodies pressing together, our breaths mixing as one. See what I mean about it feeling intimate?

Our eyes meet, and Elsa cups my cheek with her hand. She smiles that same lopsided, dorky smile that stole my heart when we first met each other, and she brings her lips tantalizingly slowly down onto mine. My arms circle her shoulders, and I pull her into the kiss even more.

This is definitely the most passionate kiss we've shared. It's not heated, it's not wanting. It's just our lips moving perfectly together, our hearts finding the same rhythm.

She pulls away, our breathing heavier as she rests our foreheads together. And I swear my heart is beating so hard it feels like it's going to explode. I'm so happy I met Elsa. Because of her, I know what it feels like to truly love another person.

Falling for Elsa…it was a lot different than I had expected, and certainly harder too. In a short time, she went through so much, but I was always there for her…and I will continue to be.

She always tells me I made a mistake getting involved with her, but I know I didn't. Falling in love with Elsa was the best thing that's happened to me. She's scarred and damaged…she's broken. But love isn't perfect. In fact, people aren't perfect. It's just that sometimes, two people's imperfections only make them more perfect to each other, and the love that forms between them is, in fact, – at least to them – perfect.

And here we are; two people in love, trying to make something work in a world that will stop at nothing to keep us apart.

Elsa pulls away slightly, and her icy blue eyes meet my teal ones. I open my mouth to say the first thing that comes to my mind, but she beats me to it…

"I love you Anna."

* * *

**A/N: bruh…dat Elsanna doe…**

**Sometimes I really love my notes at the end of these chapters xD**

**Seriously though…Elsanna is the cutest ship ever (Belsa is certainly a close second though). So I do a thing in this fic a lot: Many of Elsa's and Anna's thoughts are either the same or share the same themes. I do this simply to show how they think similarly about certain things, and how Anna might understand Elsa more than she thinks she does.**

**Bleh…school starts tomorrow .**

**So we have a lovely Christmas ball for the next chapter, which means a variety of things could be coming your way since I am the one writing this fic ;P**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Yay, Elsanna feels and fluff in the last chapter! Some smut soon...and then shit's going down.**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 16

It felt good…_so damn _good to say those three words to Anna. And since then, we've never been closer, never been more in love with each other. She's like a lifeline to me. In some ways, I think we have a connection that's deeper than what we really know or feel. I think we understand each other more than anyone else could.

Anna is just…beautiful – in every way too. She's the kind of person you love, and yet…she's told me that I'm the only person in her life that truly loves her just for whom she is.

I hear an enthusiastic yell of Anna's name from her front door, and I see her mom wrap her up in a large embrace. Yeah…I'm the girlfriend that's, well…stuck with carrying all our bags from the car into her house. It's fine though. I really don't mind.

"This must be Elsa, right?" her mom asks, and she looks at me, her teal eyes bright as they meet my own. I manage to give her a warm smile.

"That's her," Anna says. She has a dopey grin on her face…I hope her mom doesn't notice.

I set our bags down once her mom lets me into their house and I take a look around. Anna isn't rich by any means, but her house is really nice. It has more of a cozy feeling to it; dark, laminate wood floors, walls painted variations of light and deep browns, and a large, beige, suede couch sits in the living area. It certainly is a lot homier than my own house. Everything in it is so expensive and whatnot that even I feel like I'll break something if I touch it.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Lehner," I say as I shake the shorter woman's hand.

"Please, just call me Rachel," she replies. "And it's nice to finally meet you too! Anna always tells me about you."

"Good things, I hope?"

She laughs. This is good – I'm off to a good start. First impressions are always important when you're meeting the parents of your future wife, right?

"Yes, she always finds a way to bring you up."

"Mooommm!" Anna whines from her position next to me.

"I'm just stating the truth!"

Wow, for a lady who is homophobic she certainly gets along great with her daughter. Maybe Anna was right when she said her mom would try to accept the fact that we're dating…that is, once she finds out.

"Why don't you help your friend with her bags?" Mrs. Lehner says. "And show her to the room she'll be staying in."

Anna almost burst out laughing at the mention of us being "friends." If her mom only knew…

Anna – finally – takes her own bags from me and leads me upstairs. Once she's sure her mom won't hear us, she starts laughing.

"Friends? Really?" Anna gets out in between deep breaths.

"I mean…that's all I would really want her to know for now," I answer.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Look, I'll show you the guest room. It's pretty big actually…although I'm sure you'll be spending most nights in _my _room."

"Really now? And what makes you think that?" I raise an eyebrow at her as we walk into the large guest room.

"I thought we were dropping hints to my parents…"

"Yeah, I guess. But dropping hints doesn't mean letting them know on the first night I'm here that we're sleeping with each other. Plus, we aren't even _sleeping _sleeping with each other, ya know?"

"Oh, even better – this means we _can _have sex over break," Anna says lightly, yet I sense a small hint of seriousness in her voice.

"Anna, I don't even think I have condoms."

"We do. Jack said he bought a box for you on his drive here. Apparently you left the other box in your dorm room."

"Well I wasn't necessarily planning to have sex over break so I thought I might as well just leave them."

"You never know what can happen," Anna says.

"I'm pretty sure both of us will know when something like that is going to happen."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Well…you'll probably be all like 'Elsa, I wanna fuck.' And then I'll just say 'meh, sure, why not?'" She stares at me blankly, and I can't help the laugh that escapes me. "I'm only kidding Anna."

"Good. Because that is _not _how our first time is gonna happen. I don't know how it will, but it will definitely be more romantic than what you just described."

"Like I said, I was only kidding. We've had this conversation before Anna." I set my duffle bag of clothes for the week and a half I'll be staying with Anna on the bed and start unpacking. "We know when we'll be ready. I think it'll be some sort of silent decision we make with each other. It doesn't have to be the most romantic situation, we don't have to say anything to each other before…" I turn around and walk over to her, and I cup her cheeks and softly bring my lips to hers for a brief moment. "It just has to feel right for the both of us. If I'm ready but you're not…then I'll wait for you – as long as it takes."

"I'll do the same," she answers. "And I'm sorry if I seem like I pressuring you into it. I - ,"

"Don't worry about it. You're not pressuring me into anything," I say reassuringly.

"But I just love you so much Elsa. I know we've only been together for a month, but it feels like so much longer. We've known each other for almost five months now, and I've never been closer to anyone else in my entire life. I've never felt like I could trust someone with everything I am…but I feel that way when I'm with you."

"I love you too Anna. I just – I think that I hold back sometimes because I don't want to hurt you. I know I say it a lot, but it's so true. I've hurt a lot of people in my life…unintentionally about ninety nine percent of the time – and I don't want that to happen with you."

"It won't. I promise you Elsa, it won't. And if – by some chance – it does, I will forgive you and come back to you, because I will never give up on you. I know I say that a lot too, but sometimes I don't think you believe me simply because so many people have given up on you before," Anna replies, taking my hands in hers.

I smile at her. She has no idea how happy she makes me, no idea how much she fills my life with joy and hope…hope that I _can _get better, even if it's only a little bit. I think Anna makes me stronger too. It's like if I'm going to pull myself back up, it'll be for her. I used to have that with Belle, but maybe she really couldn't handle being with someone like me. She tried. She tried _so _damn hard, but her efforts came up short. I don't blame her though. I _am _a lot to deal with.

"I love you." It's the only thing I can say to her right now, because it's the only thing that can convey everything I feel for her.

She pulls me into a tight hug. I take in the scent of her hair; a fresh coconut smell with a hint of mango. She smells like summer. It calms me, and I hold her more securely; my arms around her waist, her arms draped over my shoulders. I could stay like this with her forever…whatever forever entails for us.

"I love you too Elsa."

_NEW_

Dinner tonight would have been less awkward if my dad wasn't there. He got home from work early so he could actually eat with all of us. He had a very strong reaction to Elsa. It wasn't noticeable to anyone else except me though. Whenever I talked to my mom, I'd always see him glance between me and Elsa…it seemed as if he knew there was something going on between us.

My mom, on the other hand, loves Elsa. She had Elsa help her set the table for dinner. She's cracked jokes with her too…it's nice to see them get along. She loves Jack too…my dad – again – not so much. Seriously though, can he like, tell if they're gay or something? It's like he has this bell in his head that goes off every time he encounters a gay person. And in all honesty, I thought my mom would be the difficult one with accepting me…

"So what are you majoring in?" my mom asks Elsa.

"Psychology…I'm focusing on forensic psychology, but I'm also taking a few electives for abnormal and cognitive psych," Elsa says.

"That's a good field," Mom answers, genuine interest in her voice.

"I just find it very interesting."

"And I understand you're an amazing hockey player too?"

"Really…who told you that?" Elsa casts a sly glance over to me, and I can't help the small blush that spreads across my face. And in this moment, I completely forget that my dad is watching my every move, because right now I don't care…

"You wouldn't believe how much Anna talks about you," my mom says. "Seriously, every time she texts or calls, she always mentions you."

"Mooommm...this is already the second time today you've done this!" I groan, my blush getting more intense.

"I'm only being honest sweetie."

"I appreciate the compliment," Elsa says, a smug grin coming to her face.

My mother gives a small nod before she excuses herself to grab another drink from the kitchen. _No mom, why would you leave us alone with dad? He's severely outnumbered now; three gays to one, he doesn't stand a chance! _

"So, are either of you bringing anyone to the ball?" my dad asks. Way to make things awkward dad…

"Just a friend of mine," Jack answers. "He's never been to anything formal like this, so I figured I could ease him into this stuff."

"So…he's uh…you're um…" Gosh, just stop dad please. His face is turning red too, which means he's either feeling uncomfortable or he's angry. Probably both.

"Oh…no Mr. Lehner, he's my best friend," Jack says. "I'm gonna show him how to pick up the ladies," he finishes with a smug grin. Well, that was sufficiently awkward, but at least Jack covered for himself…my dad laughed at his last comment. That's good.

"What about you Elsa?" my dad asks, turning his attention to the flawless platinum blonde sitting next to me.

"We're going together," I say as I notice Elsa really doesn't know how to respond. "I figured since mom wanted me to invite her back for a little while over break I would just ask her to come with us to the ball."

Elsa gives a small nod of her head. "Yup…Jack and I haven't been to a ball in a while, so I thought it might be fun."

"It's a shame your parents couldn't come with you," my mom says once she returns from the kitchen with some more soda for Jack and me and a bottle of wine for her and dad. Well shit… "We would have loved to meet them."

"My mom had a job interview out of town and my dad chose to go with her," Elsa replies, her voice steady as she sets her fork on her plate. "And if you don't mind, I'm kind of tired so…I'm going to head up," she finishes.

"Of course," my mom answers. "Just leave your dishes in the sink. I'll wash all of them later."

Elsa manages a small smile before she leaves the table. I cast a worried glance at Jack, and he slightly but solemnly shakes his head. I pull my phone out of my pocket and send a quick text to Elsa.

_Me: are you okay?_

I know it's a stupid question…but what else can I really say in a text? Her footsteps echo softly as she walks up the stairs, and once they fade away my phone buzzes.

_Elsa: I need you._

"Uh mom…I'm gonna head up too," I say softly.

"You don't want any dessert?"

"I'm really full. Maybe I'll have some tomorrow night."

I quickly place my dishes in the sink, and when I walk past the dining room table again my mom is already engrossed in a conversation with Jack while my dad just eyes me suspiciously.

I hurry up the stairs and make my way to the room Elsa is staying in.

"Elsa?" I say into the door. Muffled cries and breaths answer me. I turn the handle…thank God she didn't lock it.

I find Elsa sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees that are pulled up to her chest. I see the slight shaking of her body as she cries.

"Elsa," I say again. I close the door behind me before I go over and take a seat next to her. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, and she responds by instantly collapsing into me. Her arms circle tightly around my waist, and her hands grip at my shirt, her way of telling me she doesn't want me to leave. "I'm not going anywhere Elsa, I promise," I get out softly.

"It's not…y-your mom's f-fault," Elsa says. "She di-didn't know…"

"It's not anyone's fault. You can't help it. Elsa, it's okay to be upset. That's not something you can just move on from so easily…especially since it didn't happen too long ago."

"I just…I wish I was - ,"

"No," I cut her off. "Look at me Elsa." I take her hands away from her face, and I look into her light blue eyes now stained with sadness. "Don't say that you wish you were anything or anyone other than you. _You _are perfect and beautiful and strong and amazing. I fell in love with you because you never tried to be someone else. You were true to yourself…I don't want that to change. I just – I don't want you to be afraid of yourself Elsa."

"You h-have no idea how hard it is s-sometimes. The smallest things can tr-trigger me, and it's so dif-difficult to h-hold it in. It's hard to not let your-yourself feel Anna…"

"But you can feel when you're with me, because the you I was in love with yesterday is the same you I'll be in love with tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life," I answer.

"I just miss them so much," Elsa whispers.

"I know you do," I say back, my voice just as quiet as hers. I place my hands on her shoulders and press a soft kiss to her forehead. "But please Elsa, don't ever think you're crazy or messed up. You're just hurt…and broken. You'll be okay though, I promise."

She falls into me again and buries her face into my chest. I place a kiss on the top of her head, and I feel her nod slightly against my chest.

"I believe you," she says.

* * *

I'm startled awake the next morning by loud knocking on my bedroom door. I manage to force my eyes open and – wait…this isn't my room. I'm instantly aware of Elsa lying next to me, her arms wrapped around my waist and her face buried into my tangled mess of hair.

Two more loud knocks sound against the door.

"Elsa, wake up," I say as I lift her arms off of me.

"Anna, are you awake?" my dad calls out. Great…it has to be my dad. This would be less awkward if my mom was asking that question.

"I am now," I say back loudly.

"It's so early…" Elsa mumbles against my neck. Awh, her morning voice is so cute and adorable and sexy and gah, she's perfect.

"I need to get up. My dad is at the door," I tell her. She grumbles something incoherent and turns over, and…I'm on the floor. Wait, why are we on the floor? Meh…we must have fallen asleep like this last night.

I rub my eyes a little bit as I open the door, and my dad leans against the wall and smiles at me.

"Good morning," he says. Why is he so happy today?

"Hey dad…what's up?"

"Why are you still in your clothes from yesterday?" he asks instead.

Hm…I never realized that until now. "Oh…uh, Elsa and I were watching a movie and we just sort of um…fell asleep like this."

"Ah, okay. Uh…anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your mom and I are taking a drive over to help Rapunzel and her parents set some stuff up for the ball," he tells me. "We're leaving in about twenty minutes, and we'll be back in three or four hours."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know." I pause to yawn, and I take a glance back at Elsa. "I'll see you later then," I finish.

"Yeah…um, don't burn the house down or anything." Whoa…my dad actually has a sense of humor? What changed in him overnight?

"I won't promise anything," I answer. He gives me another small smile before he turns and heads down the stairs.

I tie my hair back in a loose, messy bun as I make my way back to Elsa, my feet dragging on the floor, and I grab one of the blankets from the bed before I settle myself on the floor next to her again. I throw the blanket over us and cuddle into Elsa's back.

"What was that all about?" Elsa asks. She's more awake now, and she turns around to face me.

"My mom and dad will be gone for a few hours."

"Where are they going?"

"Does it really matter?" I grin and run a hand through Elsa's thick, fluffy bangs. "Do…uh – are you feeling better from last night?"

"Yeah…um, thanks for uh, staying with me," she replies. She pulls me towards her and gives me a soft kiss on my lips. And it was cute and I love her and she's so sweet…and then I felt something pressing against my thigh.

"Holy fuck Elsa! Why are you hard right now?!" I exclaim, slightly pushing her away from me. And how did I _not _notice she had a boner before now? She only lays her head back onto to floor, drapes an arm over her face, and laughs.

"It's the morning babe," she answers in between her small chuckles.

"So?"

She removes her arm from her face and raises an eyebrow at me. I still don't get what she's trying to say.

"I'm assuming you've never heard of the term 'morning wood' then?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I deadpan.

"Not at all," she says back.

"So if I want to sleep with you I'll have to wake up to _that _every morning?"

"Ehh…not necessarily. It's not every morning. Just…sometimes," she says, a small blush spreading across her face.

"Oh?" A grin comes to my face as I wrap my arms around her waist. I pull her against me again and lean forward so our lips are only centimeters apart.

"Let's not make this any more embarrassing for me," Elsa says.

"I wouldn't call it embarrassing babe. Now that you mentioned it, wouldn't it be nice to wake up to me blowing you?"

"You're such a tease," she replies.

"No…I'm only taking note of the fact that you're extremely hard right now and that maybe I can help you out with it."

She gives a small whimper in response…so cute, and she bites her lip softly…so _hot. _She places her hand on the side of my neck and pulls my lips to hers while her other hand guides my own around to the waistband of her pants. She slips her tongue into my mouth, and I slowly start to feel myself being pushed onto my back as she easily takes over the kiss. Elsa can dominate me any day, but not right now…

I press my lips harder against hers, and before she knows it I have our positions flipped. I straddle her hips as I slowly unbutton her pants…seriously, how the fuck did Elsa manage to sleep in jeans? I guess it doesn't matter though since they're coming off right now.

Elsa moves her hands from my shoulders, and she slowly traces her fingers across my breasts that are concealed by my bra and shirt. I really wish they weren't though. And then she circles her thumbs over my nipples, and I feel them go hard at the contact.

"Fuck, Elsa…" I gasp out, and I quickly unzip her jeans. She smiles against my lips, and I lift my hips off of her for a moment, giving her just enough room to start slide her jeans down. And fuck, I really want to suck her dick right now, but I also need to do something about the growing heat between my own legs.

Once her jeans are low enough, Elsa kicks them off of her, and I don't waste any more time as I tug her boxers down just enough to free her erection. Fuck…she's big. I lean forward and join our lips again as I wrap my hand around her base, and she gives a soft moan in response.

"You're gonna make me cum baby…" Elsa gets out in between deep breaths. It was more of a command rather than a question…and wow, even though I'm on top of her she's still dominating me somehow. But it's so fucking hot.

"Fuck yes," I whisper back lowly before I tug on her bottom lip with my teeth. And then I realize…I really don't know what I'm doing. Of course I haven't given a handy or a blowjob before, yet here I am. I feel a blush come to my cheeks, and I look away from Elsa for a second.

"What's wrong?" she asks, turning my face back so our eyes can meet.

"I've just…never done anything like this before…" I get out softly.

She gives a small smile in return. "It's really not that hard. Here…just…" She rests her hand on top of mine – the one that's still wrapped around the base of her cock. Holy shit, is she really going to show me how to get her off? And how is this not awkward to me? If anything, it's kind of hot.

She guides my hand up her entire length, letting out a small groan in the process before she moves it back down. "Just go like that, okay? And uh, I'm sure you'll um…figure out what...gets me off the most as you do it." And now she's the one who's blushing.

Elsa pulls me down again and joins our lips, and I start off by slowly pumping my hand up and down her whole length.

"Nngh…yes Anna, just like that," she gets out. "Go…f-faster…"

I obey, and I guess both of us were so caught up in this moment and in each other we failed to hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, and we forgot the fact that I left the bedroom door wide open. But maybe we should be glad we had this blanket covering us, because it would have been so much worse if we didn't. I didn't hear my dad calling my name from downstairs before, but I definitely heard him now.

"_What the __**hell **__is going on here?!"_

* * *

**A/N: So Anna's dad is angry...and Elsa wasn't able to get off :/**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Some family drama for you guys. Also, I have a scene in here that may remind you of The Fault in Our Stars…it adds Elsanna feels bc it's adorable and bc I can ;)**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 17

_**Two days later**_

"You told us you wouldn't get into any of that while you were gone."

Well…these last couple of days have been sufficiently awkward. My dad won't let me be alone with Elsa in the house or if we go out. It's ridiculous. He's like the fucking Gestapo or something…telling me what to do, threatening to punish me if I don't follow what he says. And whenever Elsa and I _are_ together, watching TV or eating dinner or whatever, he always overreacts. Elsa can't even look at me without him jumping down our throats about it.

And here's the even crazier thing: He's blaming Elsa for this! That's just…no…fuck no. It's so unfair to her. She shouldn't feel patronized in our home. But my dad just won't stop with it. And now, he's having the same conversation with me that he did the second he walked in on me and Elsa. Except this time…he brought my mom into it. I can't believe him sometimes…

"I did say that," I reply firmly.

"Then what the hell was _that_?" Dad asks angrily.

"I only told you I wouldn't get involved Dad…I never promised you. I just said it so you would get off my back about it."

"So you're being a smart ass about this now? You should have known better!" His face grows redder by the second and his voice starts to rise. I glance over at my mom, silently pleading for some help, but even she looks too terrified to say anything.

"What should I have known Dad? Should I have just pushed away all my feelings for her? Should I have disregarded the fact that I wanted to be - ,"

"Stop…don't say things like that. You know what you're doing isn't right," he interrupts. "You shouldn't have let her manipulate you like that. She was - ,"

"No!" I yell. "Stop blaming this on Elsa! She did not force me or convince me to do anything! I did it because I _wanted _to!"

"Do you hear yourself?" He rubs his eyes briefly and lets out a dry laugh. "Are you covering for her now?"

"Dad…you sound ridiculous right now. I can't believe you're blaming this on Elsa." There's a tense silence between us, and I can tell my dad doesn't know what to say. He knows I'm right. He knows it was wrong to blame everything on Elsa. He knows…but he can't admit it. "We've been together for a month now," I say, my voice strong and curt as I glare at my father. He doesn't say anything to that either…I figured he wouldn't.

"Honey…please go upstairs to our room," my mom says to him. "I'm going to talk with Anna."

He gives a noncommittal grunt in return and leaves the table with one last angry look at me. Once he's gone, my mother and I sit in silence for another few moments. Yet now, it feels less tense.

"Anna - ," she starts, but I quickly cut her off.

"Go ahead; tell me it's wrong, tell me I shouldn't feel this way. Tell me it's unnatural to do this. Say that Elsa is in the wrong, say that she's taking advantage of me. Say whatever - ,"

"No," she cuts in. "I won't do that. Anna…I've been trying."

"Wait…what?"

She nods. "I'm trying to accept who you are and your decisions. It's been hard but…I think I'm getting there." She gives me a warm smile and reaches across the table to take my hands in hers.

"Are you serious right now?" For some reason I'm not believing her, and maybe it's just because she never supported me with my sexuality my whole life.

"Yes, I am. Anna, I want you to be happy. And if - ,"

She stops midsentence as footsteps echo down the stairs. I look up and see Elsa, and she stops walking once she sees us at the kitchen table.

"Uh…I'm sorry," she says quickly. "Am I uh – interrupting you two?"

"No sweetie it's fine," my mom says. "What do you need?"

"Well uh, I was just gonna um, grab a soda." I can feel a smile creeping onto my face – she's so cute when she stumbles over her words – but I quickly push it away.

My mom nods, and Elsa walks past us and into the kitchen. She barely glances at me. It hurts…to do this just so my dad won't freak out. We haven't had much time alone or even with each other for that matter these last couple days. It sucks, but maybe my mom will be a little more lenient with us tonight.

"Uh…Elsa?" my mom calls out.

"Hm?"

"Would you um…mind sitting with us for a moment?"

"Mom!" I hiss softly at her. She gives me a stern glare, and I don't push it any further.

"Uh, are you sure Mrs. Lehner?" Gah, why is she so polite and cute and perfect and aghhh I'm so in love with her.

"Please Elsa."

"Oh…uh, okay." She comes over to the table, a bottle of Coca-Cola in hand, and tentatively takes a seat next to me. It seems like she's trying not to get to close to me, just because of what my mom might think. I steal a glance at Elsa. She looks so cute; baggy flannel pajama bottoms and a plain black shirt, ruffled, fluffy bangs and a messy braid, and her glasses only add to the adorableness sitting next to me right now. "Look," Elsa starts, "I'm really sorry about - ,"

"Don't apologize Elsa," my mom says. Elsa gives her a puzzled look, and my mom glances at me before she continues. "I was just telling Anna about how I am trying to accept her for who she is. I must admit, it is very hard considering how I was raised, but I am determined. I love my daughter…and I just want her to find happiness. She seems very happy when she's with you Elsa."

I see Elsa smile genuinely out of the corner of my eye, and it soon brings a smile to my own face. My mom lets go of my hands as she sits back in her chair.

"Are you happy Elsa, when you're with Anna?" my mom asks.

"It'll sound cliché and cheesy but…words can't describe how much happiness your daughter has brought into my life," Elsa answers, and already I can feel the tears prickling my eyes. Wow, am I emotionally messed up right now or what? But Elsa continues, since my mom was giving her a look that told her to elaborate. My mom is a woman who wants explanation for things. She needs clarification so she can believe the person she's talking to. And right now, she wants to believe Elsa…

"I've gone through some…really rough things these last few years. Even in the last few months, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster," Elsa says. "I'd rather not talk about what has happened to me, but you just need to know that I was thrown into a very dark place. And then I met Anna. And she was there for me, supporting me through everything that's happened, and I can't thank her enough."

"And I'm assuming Anna," she turns her attention to me, "you feel the same way?"

"Yes Mom. I told you, I met Elsa on the first day of classes. We…literally ran into each other, and I – I had feelings for her the moment I saw her." I refrain from using the phrases 'fell in love' or 'knew I loved' just so I don't make my mom uncomfortable…just in case. Elsa, on the other hand, wasn't holding back tonight.

"Mrs. Lehner, I am one hundred and fifty percent committed to your daughter. I never knew what it was really like to truly love a person until I met Anna. She's kept me grounded and she's kept me from losing my mind. I don't know where I'd be without her. I know you're still trying to accept her for who she is, but I don't really know what you're trying to accept.

"Anna is beautiful, inside and out. And I know that sounds cheesy too…but I mean it. You've raised an amazing young woman. She's kind, welcoming, and selfless. She never gives up on me, and she makes sure she's always there when I need her. She's perfect, and I hope you realize that too."

My mom just sits there for a few moments without saying a word, and Elsa drops her head slightly to avoid eye contact. I reach under the table and take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together before I give her hand a supportive squeeze. She glances over at me briefly, and I see her lips quirk up into her usual lopsided grin that stole my heart the first time I saw it.

"Well…" my mom gets out. "…If you two are happy together then…who am I to say it's wrong?"

"Wait, what?" It's the second time I've said it tonight. It's just…this is crazy right? My mom can't possibly be accepting the fact that we're together?

"Anna, please believe me," my mom says. "I've done a lot of thinking these last couple months. I – I could tell that you had a crush on Elsa whenever you told me about her. I could hear the happiness and enthusiasm in your voice. It was difficult for me at first. After all, you did say you wouldn't get into any of that stuff this year. But, through the time Elsa has been with us, I've realized that my assumptions were wrong.

"Elsa is certainly important to you Anna. I can tell you trust and respect her, but she's also a great person. Even though I just met her, I can see that she's genuine in everything she does. She's good for you Anna. Now, this doesn't mean it's still…weird for me – although I don't think that's the right word for it…maybe it's just…different. But I want to accept both of you," she finishes.

"Mom…I don't know what to say," I get out. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

She gives me a small nod and a wide smile. "Well I love you sweetie. And please, don't listen to a word your father says. You two go and have a nice night."

"But still, Mom, what will Dad say if - ,"

"If he has something to say about you two staying in the same room, he'll have to deal with me about it, and I think we all know that I'd win that argument."

I manage a small laugh at her comment, and before I walk up the stairs with Elsa I give my mom a tight hug. She really _doesn't _know how much this means to me. I mean, to have a parent say that they'll try their hardest to accept you after so many years of rejecting you…it's one of the best feelings in the world.

Elsa walks up the stairs with me, holding my hand but not saying anything to me…until we reach the guest room.

"She's really gonna try?" she asks as she closes and locks the door behind her.

"She wouldn't lie about that. I could tell that she just wants me to be happy, and that happiness is with you Elsa. She understands that, and I think…she'll be okay with it," I answer.

I pull Elsa over to the bed with me, and we sit cross-legged facing each other on it. There's a comfortable silence between us now. I take Elsa's hands in my own and I press a soft kiss to her cheek.

"Anna, I'm in love with you," Elsa says suddenly.

I can't help the small giggle that escapes me. "I know Elsa, you've been telling me that a lot lately, and I - ,"

"No Anna…I've never meant it more than I do now. I'm in love with you."

"Elsa…"

"And I know that I'm pretty fucked up in my head, and that I always will be. I know that I'm broken – possibly beyond repair, and I know that you have scars of your own. I know that I've made a ton of mistakes, and I'll continue to make more while I'm with you, but I also know that you'll never leave me. You've made that clear, and I thank you for that. And I know that love is a risky thing…it's a never-ending pain yet a never-ending joy all at once, and it's a promise that can be broken just as easily as it was made. Love is something that can come so slow to us sometimes yet it can leave us so fast.

"I know all of those things, and I know they can happen to us Anna. There will be pain, sadness, grief; but there will also be laughter, warmth, and happiness. And I'm willing to go through all of it, because Anna, I am in love with you."

She reaches out and wipes away the few tears that have fallen from my eyes, and I rest one of my hands on her cheek.

"You have no idea how much I love you," I say to her.

"Maybe I don't…but then that means you don't either. How was it possible that we fell for each other so quickly?"

"I don't know…" I answer softly, letting out a small sigh. "Maybe it was just meant to be."

"What's up with us and all these cheesy lines lately?" She smiles and lets out a light laugh, and I can't help the smile that comes to my own face. Elsa's smile is infectious. It's so sweet and charming that you can't help but join yourself.

"As cheesy as they might be, I think they're true. There has to be some truth behind them, otherwise, why would we say them?"

"You're amazing," she tells me. And then she kisses me. And it's unlike any kiss we've ever shared before. It's so much more passionate and loving, and it makes me feel like my heart is going to explode.

The moment is brief though, ending just as quickly as is began, and I lay myself back onto the bed. Elsa soon joins me, and she drapes her arm over my abdomen and pulls me close against her.

"You're also kind," she continues, and she places a kiss on my neck. "And sweet." A kiss on my jaw. "And talented." A kiss on my cheek. "And beautiful." A kiss on my lips.

A somewhat sympathetic smile crosses my face as I pull her hand up to my lips. I tentatively place my lips over the jagged scar on her wrist, and I linger for a moment before I pull away and intertwine our fingers.

"And you're going to be okay," I whisper to her.

"I am," she returns, but it sounded more like a question rather than a statement.

"Yes Elsa. You are going to be okay. Please believe me."

She presses our foreheads together and softly brushes her lips over mine.

"I will always believe you Anna," she says quietly, so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

And my heart is practically beating right out of my chest, because I've never been so in love with someone before. But more importantly, I've never _loved _someone this much before.

Elsa…she's changed me for the better. And in what ways, well…I'm still finding out. But she's certainly taught me that true love isn't perfect. There's no such thing as a fairytale romance. The person you fall in love with will have scars, they will be hurt, and sometimes, they'll be broken.

But love can fix that. Love can mend those broken bonds and help heal the scars. Love is an emotion and a power so beyond our control that we'll never really understand it. But what I do understand is that it can bring two hearts together…two hearts that – maybe – weren't supposed to fall in love, but did.

And right now, Elsa and I are two people – two hearts – in love…

I pull her by her shirt and gently press my lips to hers. It's something both of us feel right now; the passion, the love, the commitment. We can't deny it, and we know we love each other to the ends of the universe and back.

…And it's something I will never regret.

* * *

**A/N: Short chapter, I know. But…the next chapter will be longer, and I think we all know what's going to happen…**

**By the way...if any of you want to take a shot at a cover art that will fit the frame...go for it. Just post it on your tumblr or instagram and tag me. Be sure to tell me your tumblr or instagram as well so I can find it myself. My tumblt is: awickedicequeen My instagram is: yup. its. elsa**

**- A**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So again…I think all of you can guess what's going to happen in this chapter.**

**By the way, this chapter picks up right where the last one left off.**

**There's also smut in this chapter…and it's cute and adorable and sexy and hot as fuck all at the same time.**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 18

Elsa kept me locked in a passionate kiss as she wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me against her, pressing her lips harder against mine. She only breaks away when we both need to breathe. Her blue eyes seem to burn into mine like a blazing inferno, a sharp contrast to their icy color. There's a silent promise in her eyes right now, a promise both of know, and one that we don't even have to say out loud right now.

'_I love you.'_

And then her lips are on mine again. It's hotter, more passionate, more wanting. But it's not desperate. It's not just two college kids making out in a bed, knowing they're both about to make a bad decision. No…we're two college kids in love with each other, and we know it, and we're about to make a decision neither of us will regret.

It's not like we're rushing to get to it right now though. Our kisses are slow, and our lips move perfectly together. I let Elsa dominate the kiss, her tongue roaming my mouth, and I can't help the small moan that escapes me when our tongues meet. One of my hands tangles in her thick, platinum blonde hair while the other tugs on the hem of her shirt. It's not a desperate tug. It's small, light enough to get the point across that I want her to take it off. She doesn't hesitate, and in one swift motion, her shirt is off and she tosses it onto the floor, our lips separating for only a brief moment in the process.

I run my hands down her stomach, feeling her abs tense under my touch, and one hand continues to wander lower on her body, and I lightly trace one of my fingers along her hard shaft.

"Anna…" she lets out softly. I move to slide her pants down, but she grabs my wrists and stops me. "You now…"

I get the message, and I pull my hands away so I can slip my own shirt off. It joins hers on the floor. I instantly blush and cross my arms over my chest. I don't know why I'm so self-conscious right now. I'm not usually like this with Elsa.

"Hey…you're beautiful," Elsa says softly, taking my arms off of my chest and positioning them around her neck instead. She runs one of her hands down the side of my cheek and neck, while her other arm holds her body above mine.

That only causes me to blush even more. "S-So are you…"

She smiles down at me and kisses the tip of my nose. Agh, she's too adorable. "I love you," she replies. "I love _all _of you."

"But…you - ,"

"Shhh…" She silences me by placing her lips over mine for a brief moment. "Why are you being the self-deprecating one now? I'm usually the one who does that."

I playfully hit her shoulder and rest my forehead against hers. "I just – I don't know. I just don't want to feel like I'm not good enough for you…" I whisper.

"Not good enough? Anna, you showed me what true love is," Elsa answers quietly. "I never knew what that emotion really was. This is so much more than having just feelings for you, because feelings are fleeting…they pass over time. But emotions…they stick with us, and I know that the love I hold for you will never pass over me. So please, don't you ever think you aren't good enough, because you're the best person I've ever met in my entire life Anna."

I swear, I could cry right now. But I don't think this is an appropriate time for that, especially since we're about to – wait…

I pull Elsa down on top of me into a tight hug. "Are we actually about to do this?" I ask quietly.

"Do you not want to?" she whispers back.

"I – I do…but - ,"

"If you have any 'buts' then we shouldn't do it," Elsa tells me.

"No…it's not that. I just don't - ,"

"Anna, I'm serious," she interrupts again. She pushes herself up so she can look into my eyes, and she moves a few strands of hair out of my face. "If you have the smallest inkling of doubt, the faintest voice in your head telling you that this might not be a good idea right now…then we shouldn't do it. I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I won't regret it…" I whisper.

"But there's something telling you that we shouldn't…right?"

"…Yeah," I breathe out softly. "Elsa, I'm sorry – I just - ,"

"Don't apologize Anna. You don't have to be sorry for not wanting to have sex." Elsa lets out a soft laugh and smiles down at me. "I – I too was thinking that it's a little early for this. I mean, I know I love you…it's just that…I think we should wait."

"Yeah…I agree. But I do want this with you Elsa," I say.

"Me too. Just…not right now, I guess." She laughs again, and it registers a small giggle from me as well.

I pull her down next to me on the bed and wrap my arms around her shoulders. "I love you Elsa."

She snuggles her head into the crook of my neck, and I feel her arms circle around my waist. "I love you too Anna," she says softly.

* * *

_NEW (Elsa's POV)_

To say this morning was one of the most awkward moments of my life would be an understatement. It was...wow – I don't even know the word for it. It was unbearable to say the least. I sat in silence with Jack, Anna, and her parents at the dining table as we all had breakfast. Her father didn't even look at me…I didn't expect him to. Her mom tried to start conversations, but they'd die down quickly and we'd settle into more awkward silences.

I could tell Jack had something on his mind too…and now, as I'm putting my plate and bowl into the dishwasher, Jack speaks up behind me.

"So…you gave Anna the time of her life last night, huh?"

I swear I had a heart attack. "Um, uh, well, no, we didn't - ,"

"Elsa, you don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying!" I growl lowly. I look behind me to make sure no one is there. I'm pretty sure Anna went back to her room or something, and her parents are…I don't know, maybe they left to go to Rapunzel's house to help set up for the ball. Oh wait, just kidding, they're still in the house too. But oh shit…the ball. It's in two days, and I don't even think Anna's dad will want me there with his daughter.

"Elsa," Jack says, drawing me out of my thoughts, "I saw you two go into the same room. You both had that look on your face."

"Okay…how did you even see us? It was really late!"

"Hey, you know I have to piss at random points in the night."

"Wow okay, you didn't have to say it like that." I let out a long puff of air and turn to face him. "We didn't have sex though."

"Really?"

"Yes, really! I wouldn't lie about something like that! We – We were about to though…"

"Then what happened? Did she not want to?" he asks.

"No…it's just – we both thought we should wait a little longer. I mean…Belle and I were together for nearly six months and we never had sex so…"

"So…? Elsa, I know you and Anna have only been officially together for a little over a month now, but you were basically together in like…when was it, October? When you started your little affair with her, right? I think so… So then that's like, almost two months!"

"That doesn't make it any better, and don't try to give me reasons to do it," I say sternly.

"Look, I'm just saying that you've known each other since this year started, and you two have a really strong connection."

"Jack, I just don't want her to regret it. You get where I'm coming from right?"

"Yeah, I understand Elsa," he replies. "But I'm just saying: sex the night of the ball would be crazy hot."

"Jack!" I exclaim.

"Sorry, sorry…" He raises his hands in mock defeat before he walks away.

Brothers sometimes, I swear… Okay but he was right when he said that sex the night of the ball would be insanely hot. I mean, Anna would probably rip my tux right off me the second we got home. The best part though, is that her dad would have to put up with listening to her moaning and screaming my name all night and there would be nothing he could do about it.

Okay, wow – that definitely has to be some kind of kink of mine. But come one, having sex while her parents are home would be super-hot because I wouldn't put a restraint on Anna's noises at all. Because, in all honesty, with how her father reacted the first time he saw us together, I wouldn't care if he walked in on us having sex. Yeah, fucks given about that happening…zero.

I head upstairs into my room, where I find Anna standing in front of my bed. She has her dress for the ball laid on it, and my tux is next to it.

"Hey…whatcha doing?" I ask as I put my arms around her waist.

"Just thinking…are you gonna wear a black tie or one that matches my dress?" she asks, and she rests her hands on top of mine.

"Would a dark green tie look good with this?"

"Anything would look good on you Elsa," she says, and I let out a soft laugh. "But now that I'm thinking about it – yeah, just wear a black tie."

"This dress looks beautiful," I say. "I can't wait to see it on you." _And then rip it off you at the end of the night…_

"Yeah, well…just hope I don't faint when I see you in this tux again."

"I don't think that'll happen," I say teasingly.

"Oh? Then the other alternative is I drag you by your tie into the bedroom with me." She turns around and slowly trails kisses along my jaw before she stops at my ears, and I shudder a little from the contact of her lips on my skin. "And I think we all know what would happen in there," she whispers, before she traces one of her fingers up the inside of my thigh, and I can already feel the arousal shoot between my legs.

"Anna - ,"

"Babe…we never got to finish the last time," she interrupts, and she slowly unbuttons my jeans.

"Door…" I gasp out as she slips her hand under the waistband of my boxers and wraps her hand around the base of my already hardened cock.

"Do you think I care?" Anna asks.

I can't help but let out a small laugh. "No," I say. "But you should, because if your parents ever find out I have a dick then there goes any chance of us having sex."

"Nah…I'll tell them you've already made love to me multiple times and that the last time we didn't use a condom," she answers nonchalantly.

"They'd probably faint," I tell her. "Or…wait…your _mom _would faint, but your dad would kill me."

She smirks at me before she tugs on my cock a little with her hand, and I let out a short gasp. "He'll warm up to you," Anna says as she slowly starts to pump up and down my entire length.

"Anna," I get out, and it's more of a growl this time. I don't need her dad walking in on us again. This is not a good idea. "Seriously, we should…stop…"

"Why? You're so hard. Don't you want to get off?"

Holy fuck, when did Anna get so sexy and seductive? Wait…she's always been sexy, but seductive? I never knew she was capable of that. She comes across as too cute for that. But then again, she probably has a ton of weird kinks and fuck, I wouldn't mind helping her out with those when the time comes.

Anna pulls my pants the rest of the way down along with my boxers, and she looks up at me again before she stops.

"Wha-Why did you stop?" I ask.

"I need to take care of something you keep stressing over," she says, and she leaves me for a moment as she goes over and closes the bedroom door, locking it behind her. I feel kind of awkward though…just standing here half naked with a hard cock that needs attention.

But… A smirk comes to my face, and I take a seat on the edge of the bed, running my hand up my length a few times before Anna comes back to me.

"Umm…" she trails off and a blush comes to her face. Heh…cute. I'm sure she's even cuter when she's blowing me…

"On your knees," I tell her.

_NEW (Anna's POV)_

Fuckkkk…fuck, fuck, fuck…does she really want me to give her a blowjob right now?

"Um, I uh - ,"

"Anna…just get on your knees."

Fuck, back to my kink about Elsa being dominant over me…shit this is hot. I silently obey her and kneel down onto my knees in front of her. I mean, she basically had to show me how to give her a hand job, does she honestly think I'll be able to give her a blowjob…a good one at that?

"I um – I haven't - ,"

"I know babe, which is why you're going to listen to me."

A spark of arousal shoots through me, and the urge to just rip my pants off right now and have her fuck me is so strong. And wow…we went from almost making love last night to this…our relationship is certainly dynamic huh?

"Um…okay," I squeak out, my voice small as my blush intensifies.

"Hey." She tilts my face so she can look into my eyes, and her expression softens a little, but a smirk still remains on her face. "Don't worry about if you're good at it or not. Guaranteed, I'll still get off just because it's you who's blowing me."

"But, uh…what do I uh…do?" I can't help but feel embarrassed. I mean, she's my girlfriend! She's gotten blowjobs from Belle before! And here I am, not knowing what to do with a dick. It can't be that hard though, right? I mean, I just have to put my mouth all over it sort of give her a hand job too…I guess…yeah I really don't know what I'm doing.

"Here…" She takes my hand and places it on the base of her cock, and I wrap my hand around it. "Okay…now just – uh…" She blushes like crazy and looks away for a moment. Awh, she's too adorable…even when she's showing me how to blow her she's adorable and perfect. She puts one of her hands on the back of my head and smirks at me. "Just, put your mouth on it…I uh – I really don't know any other way to say that."

I manage a small laugh, and I look up at her before I slowly wrap my lips around the tip of her cock.

"Okay, now…you shou- ahh fuuuck!" she moans out, cutting her sentence short as I bring my lips down, taking as much of her length as I can, but as soon as I hear how loud she is, I remove my mouth from her cock.

"Shit Elsa, are you going to be that loud all the time?"

"Maybe I just really want your dad to hear," she answers with a smug grin.

"You're impossible."

"It's hot and you know it."

"Fine," I say, and then my lips are back on her cock.

I slowly pump the rest of her length with my hand, and I take the small amount of pre cum and spread it with my tongue around her tip, which causes her to let out a fairly loud moan of my name. And I mean, Elsa ate me out that time after my boxing match…so it's only fair that I finally return the favor.

"Fuck…just like that baby," she gasps, and she props herself up with her other arm as she tosses her head back and lets out another moan.

I can tell she's getting close from the way her grip in my hair tightens, and I pump a little faster as I trail my tongue extremely slowly up the entire bottom side of her length. And fuck this is so hot and if Elsa ever tells me to get on my knees again I won't hesitate at all.

"Fuck, Anna!" She shuts her eyes tightly and throws her head back again.

I swirl my tongue slowly around her tip before I wrap my lips around it again and move them down on her length…and I guess that was enough to push her over the edge, because the next thing I know I feel a warm liquid shoot into my mouth and _fuuckkk _she tastes _so _fucking good.

"Anna…holy fuck…" she gasps out, falling back onto the bed.

I make sure I swallow all of her cum, and I give her softening shaft a small kiss before I settle myself on top of her and kiss her, letting her taste herself on my lips.

"Was that…okay?" I ask once I break the kiss.

"Okay? That was amazing…" She runs her hand through my hair and kisses me softly again. "Fuck, I love you."

"Mm, I love you too Elsa."

"Do you think your parents heard us?"

"Is that all you cared about?"

"No…but it was certainly at the back of my mind." She gives me her usual dorky grin, and I feel my heart flutter in my chest as our eyes meet.

"You need to stop that."

"Stop what?"

"That lopsided grin of yours."

"I'm sorry…I can't help the way my face is when I grin," she says…and then she does it again.

"Ahhhh…you steal my heart every time you do it," I tell her.

"Well in that case, I'll do it as often as I can."

"I'm not against it, but you get me so flustered when you do it and gahhhh you're so perfect Elsa."

"I know."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow at her, and she only laughs in return.

"Well…you're perfect too," she says. "Your looks and personality…it's all perfect, and I love you."

I can't help the huge blush that spreads across my face, and I bury my face in her chest as I wrap my arms tightly around her.

"You're amazing," I whisper. "But…you should probably put your pants back on…"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because…it's just a good idea."

She lets out a soft laugh and playfully pushes me off her. "Okay fine, I'll put some pants on. So in that case…get out."

"Oh my goodness…you're not gonna be one of those douchebags who kicks me out after fucking me all night, are you?"

"Who knows? I might…" She smirks at me before she gives me a small kiss on my lips. "I'm just kidding Anna."

"I picked up on that. I don't think you could ever be mean after sex," I say.

"But maybe I could be mean _during _sex…you never know what will happen."

"I'll be looking forward to that," I answer as I blush again.

_NEW (Elsa's POV)_

Wow…so Anna just gave me a blowjob. That was…amazing, to say the least. Nngh, it just felt so good to have her mouth on my cock…and she was _so _good at it too. Like damn, I can't wait to get more of those from her in the future. It was super-hot too. And…I really hope her parents heard me. Nothing like rubbing in the fact to her dad that his daughter is blowing me…

As I throw on a gray polo shirt – Anna's mom is taking the both of us to dinner to "get to know me," so I have to dress a little nicer – my phone rings. I answer it without checking to see who's calling me. I instantly regret that decision.

"Ms. Frost."

"Um…hi…what's this about?"

"I just wanted to give you an update."

"Is it good or bad? Because…I don't think I can take any more bad news right now."

"It's good. Actually, it's very good news."

"Oh…what is it?"

"I've learned not to sugarcoat anything with you Ms. Frost."

"And I've told you that you can just call me Elsa…please…"

"Okay Elsa…now, I can't tell you when it will happen, but this much we know for sure: she's going to wake up."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the late update…school has been kicking my ass and I've been really busy with hockey too.**

**Much angst and all that good stuff to come when Belle wakes up ;)**

**Again, if any of you wanna take a shot at a cover art for this fic I'd greatly appreciate it. I want one that'll fit in the frame so…yeah. PM me if you're interested.**

**So I'm sure you guys thought Elsa and Anna were gonna frick frack…well, you were wrong xD That won't be happening for a while actually, but there will certainly be some smutty things going on between them like it did in this chapter.**

**So…yeah, Belle's gonna wake up and…stuff is gonna happen.**

**Happy reading!**

**- A**


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